Note: I wrote this 24 hours ago, but was only able to reach internet to post it until now.

Long time readers will remember that I attempted the Überman sleep schedule sometime roughly around last year. After one of my posts, I simply ceased mentioning it, not mentioning whether I failed, decided I didn't like it, or succeeded.

I had intended to give a quick detail, but I was in the middle of my semester at the time. And my temperance has become more and more a slave to tempering my mood these past few years, as I've mentioned before.

I forget if I mentioned it them but, while others tend to feel immense tiredness during the process, I didn't have that problem as much. But I've noticed, as I've played with sleep deprivation more and more these past three years, that I seem to be able to handle myself without sleep shockingly well (even when I anticipate there being a problem). The main problem was the same problem I've always suffered with: not staying up but waking up.

Every so often I'd wind up oversleeping my alarm and, interestingly, wake up three hours later on the dot. Notably, I think such a pattern might fit in with the Everyman-3 schedule, which shocks me since I have skepticism of anything between a siesta sleep schedule and the Überman. Regardless, not only was such oversleeping problematic (I overslept two of my classes during that time), it was reduntantly pointless; overshooting my naps was not going to break me into the Überman, only provide a slightly uncontrollable sleep schedule that didn't yield the same clarity and lack of exhaustion that I could more often achieve on a monophasic sleep schedule (in retrospect, it's interesting to note that one of the reasons I ditched monophasic sleep was that it was, for me, disgustingly bloated and kept me feeling groggy every time I first woke up. The only time I actually seemed coherently energized to my fullest was when nighttime hit, so maybe I didn't actually lose anything during my polyphasic sleeping given that I was tired in both cases and my appetite for 12+ hour naps isn't exactly the definition of control either).

Given this situation, I decided to ditch the schedule given my certainty I would need a partner to even reach a point where I could finally determine if this thing was even possible, considering my inability to wake myself. No one at school was going to sign on to that.

Recently, I decided to rescind this decision. Notably, the smart decision would have been to start trying to accomplish this before three (going on two now) weeks until I go back to school. But I suppose it gives some slight comfort to know that jumping into things and discovering what can go wrong along the way is an impulse which hasn't died entirely in me yet.

However, there are other reasons why I need to do this. Once again, the amount of time I'd gain from only getting 3 to 2 hours of sleep per day are unspeakable. Particularly in the advent of upcoming school? I'm pretty certain that I couldn't have gotten done first semester last year had I not been operating on the Überman. It just opened up so much more time.

Which, of course, beats my need for over 12 hours of sleep (something continually set back until the weekend each week as I must wake up for class each day)…only to wake up groggy and, half the time, sore (not to mention the weakening of back muscles).

However, more than anything, my depression needed it. If you've read my xanga from its very beginning, one of the things I've continually lamented is – at times – a seeming slip in control. At first it was emotions and, I think (funny, no?), memory. Recently it's simply been life. For the past 2 months straight, I've been bogged by a consistant depression. As in, it has not lifted. There was no change, alteration, or simple peace for the past two months. It's like hitting a rut and just staying at that low.

Add to that lack of control my sleep schedule (plus the depression at times). I missed Easter Mass simply because I could not get out of bed. Muscles were working fine, but the brain seemed terrified by the very notion. I stayed in bed for 24 hours that day because of a combination of depression, anxiety, and exhaustion. And, of course, these things feed on each other. Stress and depression make you tired. Being incapable of making arrangements with friends makes you bitter, feeding the depression. And, above all, a feeling of lacking control is not something I can tolerate.

I can put up with people, most days. I can put up with everyone disagreeing with me or even the stupidity that humanity (particular en masse) can exhibit. But I need control. Part of why I can stick by what I say, think, and do is because I know backwards and forwards why I do it. I believe in it. I can back it. That's all I need to know. As long as I know I'm in control of what I'm doing and have a grasp on my surroundings, I'm okay. Being thrown into a new environment (college) and reliving just how socially awkward I am and incapable of doing things when uncertain of myself (mark that with being sociable in general) obviously doesn't help this. Adding depression and an inability to get out of bed? That's too much.

These past two months I've been drifting, more so than even I would want to. I've been distant, I've not bothered to instigate meeting up with people, and I've been beyond my usual un-initiating distant that I usually have with people. Sure, I've always maintained that I friend more extroverted and outgoing people because I need people who will remind me to meet up and keep in touch. But I've fallen behind in nearly all correspondences I've even started. I flat out missed meeting up with Allen this summer. I still have a slew of FB catch ups I need to respond to (including catching up with Emily Lin, for fuck's sake!). I've avoided IM to avoid talking to people. I've just been distant, too thoroughly comfortable with isolating myself like this. I have duties, such as working on Williams Catholic and the Moocow band's websites. But no.

As I've said before, I need purpose, and I need direction. For whatever reason, I lack at the moment. Since starting to try to jump into polyphasic sleeping again, I've broken that depression after two months; I have a goal, and I'm actually trying to accomplish it. Part of it too is, again, how my mood is affected. Having less time in a day exacerbates a feeling of being unable to do anything, which worsens my depression, which worsens my ability to do any of of the simple tasks in the paragraph above.

I need all hours of the day. I work in the night, when it's peacefully beautiful, and I can be alone. The morning, again beautiful, lets me rejuvenate. The day is generally dedicated to everyone else's needs (work, club responsibilities, shopping, etc.). Remove one of these and I don't have enough time. And my depression makes doing anything that belongs during a different time of the day grating because, simply, my depression doesn't want to do it (aren't mood swings fun?).

As to the drawbacks, I've never quite understood them. Sure, you have 6 half hour naps placed throughout the day. But they're only 30 minutes. I don't drink, as it is, so I don't have to worry about it crashing my drinking. If I was staying up, I can't imagine anyone I would hang out with would really be bothered by it. Further, if you're staying out for, say, 6 hours – you only miss a half hour of it. Plus, you can nap anywhere (if how they describe your reaction to the schedule is correct). And all the other benefits completely sideline this.

Further, I've already said I handle sleep deprivation fine. I already have to stay up to make up all the responsibilities I have to get done usually, so why the Hell not. Lastly, I have depression – living is a health concern. I get more stress than I normally should. Like I've said before on here, I will be shocked if I don't get type II diabetes by age 25. Shocking me in terms of everything I know about how I treat my body already, the doctor has told me the only thing wrong with me is my good cholesterol (it's scarily low) – so why not free up some time to do the exercise I need to fix that? Lastly – I'm young. And clearly my depression is the only one in favor of doing anything slowly, burning out like a candle.

And, like I've said before, death just doesn't scare me. Not that I don't think it's around the corner (everyday I feel like I could grab it and put it in my own hands, actually) – my quarter life crisis should make that one clear. If anything, I feel far older than I know I have any right to feel. I just…don't give a damn; and, really, this is the best choice. I need this.

I've kept oversleeping the first two days. I thought I found a fool-proof method by using headphones so that the alarm would shock me awake, but I would up sleeping through it for an hour and a half past my wake-time this morning at 8 (which probably wasn't any good for my ears, either…). I don't want to give up yet, though. If I can get past the first two, maybe three, days, I think I'll be golden. We'll see.

Earlier in the summer, I met up with Victoria and Laura. I forget the surrounding discussion but, at some point, Victoria mentions that Michelle and I should happen as a couple. This was, if my memory serves, shortly after Jeff's graduation party, during which Michelle and I wound up shoving cake down each other's clothes, make snide remarks at each other the entire time, and wound up watching the movie Jeff wanted to show us with me sitting on top of her the entire time (at first in an attempt to annoy her, then not bothering to move because apparently the pressure wound up helping some sore muscle). So, admittedly, I can see where she might've gotten the idea.

Regardless, I immediately told her no (I think my exact response might've been cocking my eyebrow and asking, "Why?"). I told her, for one, that I had a strong feeling that Michelle would say no right out the gate. And, even if that wasn't the case, Michelle and I – I think, at least – wouldn't be a good match. If she was also interested, sure, why the Hell not. But there isn't enough incentive for me to go out on that limb as things stood. Neither of us were so let's leave it at that.

Yesterday (alright, two days ago technically), I came across Michelle's OKCupid account. And I still have no idea what the Hell happened. I was amused and messaged her, both of us bantering as usual. And then…I started looking at her differently. And, again, I have no idea why. I don't know what exactly changed at that point from the other 5 years of our friendship, let alone the time between talking to Victoria and now.

So, it seems I've got a crush – which even I can admit is irresponsible and unwise. Why?

First and foremost, as I said before, Michelle and I don't really make matches for each other. While not a comment on it's supposed accuracy, even OKCupid ranks our chances of being a match at only a 67%. Yeah, I know, people don't have to match up on everything to be a fit but – in my case – they tend to have to.

I don't think I'd describe Michelle as a distant person; we've had serious moments in our friendship where we've really connected, though we haven't spent much time at all expanding that (though, admittedly, I realize now that our friendship hasn't been developed in a lot of ways, which is why we tend to stay on the annoying each other waveline most of the time). That said, though, Michelle even says in her profile that there needs to be a fair level of teasing in the relationship (if Larry was any indication, nothing too different that Michelle and I's friendship right now). And she at least says and puts on a higher self-esteem by far than me (though I do have slight reservations on that assessment). While I seem to be drawn to those with at least a somewhat extrovert personality, I like (really, need) someone with a fair dosage of insecurity, in part to balance my own and in part for other reasons I've listed out here in the past. Laura, jess, and Allison are all perfect examples of this.

Because, while clearly I can have an animated personality and my xanga is a perfect example I can be tersely caustic and raise a little Hell, I'm more often…not. I'm an introvert at heart, and I like myself that way. But, more pertinent to the point we're discussing (and as I said before), I'm insecure. I'm hesitant. I'm, all too often, severely emotional. I have a habit of taking care of others and need to be close to people. And – more than anything – if you're looking for someone wholly independent, I'm not. I've got baggage, a good 15 years of it.

Of course, I could be wrong. Our personalities might mesh just fine. But, from my very limited view, it seems to me that what we would want and need out of a relationship would vary too greatly for us to work long term.

There's also the timing of the stupid thing. Two weeks before I go back to school, I remind. While, actually, I might be more willing to do long distance with her while I explicitly didn't go chasing after other people for that very reason, distance was the splitter for her and Larry. While it seems she might've burned out her need to kinda run freely (again, me guessing), I wouldn't want to launch into something as restrictive as long distance can be on her, especially when that's the opposite of what she wanted out of college to begin with.

Then there's also the fact I've had a crush on Margaret since before she went abroad – and I've been waiting for a semester and a summer until she came back. Of course, while to not the same degree as Michelle and for different reasons, I have a suspicion that Margaret and I aren't quite a perfect fit either. But I know too well what fruits come from constant hesitation. Besides, not like anyone else at Williams has caused me to linger for so long.

But, the overall block that makes any other consideration superfluous is that I'm pretty certain that, even if I asked Michelle out, she'd say no.

And, while I don't really have anything to give evidence that Michelle would do this (and, hence, will not bother to contemplate if such is the case), this whole conversation highlights in my mind a trend I've been noticing with just about anyone I've had an interest in or who has thrown a bit of interest towards me since Laura.

It goes along the line of, "You're a really nice guy and very sweet, etc. but…"

not good enough.

There is something which just holds the person back, makes them willing to pass over me. Now, I know I'm not usually in the habit of building myself up, unless it's clearly joking hyperbole. Excluding a few particular traits, I'm usually willing to find fault. That said…I'm not that bad of a guy.

I'm nice and you basically have every guarantee I'm not going to cheat or deliberately hurt you; any person who's known me since Sophomore year of high school knows that one. I've worked for it; I've been very loud and public about the need to make sure others are alright – there's a reason that's how most of my friends describe me, there's a reason people I've met tend to wind up confiding in me more or coming for advice.

I'm patient; I'm understanding. I'm compassionate. Apparently there's a decent contingent of people who even find me funny.

And, no, even I wouldn't call myself the best catch out there. If you want confidence, probably not best to make me your first choice. I'm eternally awkward in oh so many ways. And, sure, you have to put up with my many high principles; I've got my fair share of what people might call odd habits. I don't fit mainstream appeal, sure.

But if you're asking me to shave, or "do something" with my beard, I have to wonder if you're even acknowledging me.

I've always been very loud about my feelings toward physical appearance. I've written on the subject here God knows how many times. I'll run your ear on the subject if you let me. I actively am particular with my language on account of it and am quick to explain it if you ask me a question along its lines. It's kinda my hallmark crusade, other than Queer rights. It's what I've come to be known for, for some people.

So I cannot understand people who continually ask me if I'm going to shave it, or ask over and over it again why it's a big deal. It's like asking a religious person, "Oh, I know this means a lot to you but could you please urinate on your holy text, for me?" This is one of the central tenets of my ideals. Like, it's very fundamental reason for existence is based on how I feel you should treat others – you remove or violate this and you basically stab everything I hold dear. There's no reason for me to give a damn about anyone else. I mean, I usually like to think there is no one out there as bad as my mother but you operate with the fundamental stupidity she seems to possess when you do this. Because she asks if I'm willing to shave, I explain the whole point of it all, then she asks, "Well, how about we just trim it? See, it won't be that much." And then I explain it again, and we repeat this process indefinitely.

How little it is isn't the point.

And her complete inability to use basic logic to take my explanation and understand why I refuse demonstrates her limited intelligence – people give a complete damn about their appearance, everyone. It can't even enter her head otherwise. And, the mainstream and majority of people she meets do as well. So it must be true. Therefore, it doesn't matter what I say. In her mind, the reason I refuse is because of how much hair I'm cutting. Because, from her mindset, this is the only piece that fits.

And that is the brain-dead intelligence you wield when you ask me the same question.

But more importantly, I can't remember if I've discussed point of view on here much. People's inability to see things from other people's point of view is one of my biggest complaints. It would resolve a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, for one. But, two, it doesn't seem like such a difficult ability to me; yet it seems to be.

But I'm fascinated by other's point of view. My obsession with the human personality (and, thus, a person's life experiences) fascinate me. I'm willing to try to understand where someone is coming from. I might not agree with them in the end. But I'm interested. Notice that I've described here a willingness to date a person if they also show interest (admittedly, as Dodi once said, someone liking me can often go a long way in having me like them). I might be hesitant to try it otherwise, but I'd certainly be willing to try it out if they're interested in me.

I'm willing to give it a chance.

It just seems to be that no one is really interested in even bothering to consider what I hold dear and what I find to be amazing. I mean, sure, if it was something like archaeology and no one else found it interesting (not that no one would date me because I like it, because that'd just be stupid of people), I would say, "Fine, fair." And this is not me asking rando number 3 off the street, either. This is, for one example, Monica, someone I've known for years now, someone (of all people) who should know my politics by now. Yet the very most fundamental aspect of me, the one to which – I would argue – you have to understand in order to understand me, comes with an "Well, if…" criteria.

Once again, as if no one quite gives a damn; as if my very principles (and cares) are negotiable and excusable as far as the world is concerned.

I just feel alone.

J: If I were a fermata, would you hold me? 

    Btw, I'm sensitive and you have a habit for teasing, it seems. Do you think that could feasibly be a problem??

M: With a beard like that, NOTHING is a problem. But I'm going to have to call you ducky. Do you like purple drink?

J: Haha, well, I think ducky is a small concession in comparison to that *last* question. But you're too tempting for me to resist, my belle Juive.

M: There is no way you could handel me, ever. But nice try. I am faster better stronger smarter prettier and I win more. You will never beat me. NEVER, I SAY!

J: Who said anything about beating you?! That's completely a fabricated stereotype about black males in relationships, you must know that!

    However, it seems you're issuing me a challenge. And I can be quite stubborn on principle.

M: You know what, Jawn? Suck. My. Cock.

    While you're at it, order me a pizza and tell me I'm pretty.

J: Oooh, I love it when you talk dirty.

    And have I ever told you how you always just seem to glow? Your graciousness and joyous nature inspires everyone in the room. It's no wonder they hang on your every word. Aphrodite herself would blush deeply red in jealousy of the way your eyes catch the light, or the coaxing passion of your smile. You are radiant, m'dear.

M: Why thank you, vagina face. I love you, too. YOU NEED TO HANG OUT WITH US BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL, YOU ASSHAT D:<

    I miss being mean to you ):

^^truth

Not true, but a lofty thought regardless

Love always,

Alright, the trouble time I had mentioned is coming up. In order to have a nap at 12 (since I have class from 1:10 to 3:50 and would prefer not needing to have a nap anytime within that time slot), I've shifted the 6 A. M. nap to 5:30.

The naps have been interesting since, on average, this is less tiring than, again, just getting 2-3 hours in one block. I keep expecting the haziness and exhaustion I usually get from going to bed late and, outside of once or twice before certain naps, I just haven't reached it.

I definitely feel more exhausted now, though. Nothing too bad, but definite definable exhaustion so that I'd do things a little more slowly or with less precision. If I over sleep again...I will not be pleased.

My naps, back until the one I overslept on, have been dreamless. On the otherhand, I've had no problem falling asleep for them. I feel like this is some sort of progress. Maybe an indication that the lack of sleep is kicking in, causing me to go to sleep quicker (part of the reason I always prefered falling asleep after a long lack of sleep, admittedly).

In theory, jumping straight to REM sleep should happen soon enough. As to whether that will stick and my body will start doing this naturally after a long enough habit...well, that's what I'm testing I guess, now isn't it?

I've read several articles that, in defying polyphasic sleeping, have said that the natural cycle of sleep for humans is biphasic (~6-7 block of sleep with an afternoon nap) and that the idea of causing the body to adapt by instantly going to REM whenever the body goes to sleep is rediculous.

Yet I can't help but hold some hesitance. I mean, think of the many upon many ways our bodies adapt? While that doesn't necesarily make me think the body will adapt to instant REM, I can't rule out it might. I suppose I'll find out firsthand.

Anyway, I better go. I'll let you know if I manage to not oversleep this one.

Alright, next update on my recent sleep escapades (with all the hours I'm saving, I can actually say that remotely seriously :{P ).

In my last update, I had overslept one of my naps. Following that, I got back onto the schedule alright. I ended up off-setting the sleep schedule by half an hour or so to celebrate Emily's birthday, but nothing ridiculous. If my body does adapt to this schedule, I'll have roughly an hour wiggle room so I should probably get used to not always falling asleep directly on time.

Having to take my nap at 11:30, now most of Williams Catholic is certain that I'm crazy (though I appreciate their loving concern). Granted, as my first somewhat sarcastic post might've revealed, I'm not certain myself this will work.

But, like I said, I've developed a habit since Senior year of high school of just trying things, so long as there's a remote possibility of success, and worrying about the consequences once they occur (I'm pretty sure that's a regression in terms of decision-making but since I've noticed this trend in me I've always wondered if I even did grow out of the phase of learning only from the consequences of your actions *shrug*).

So, maybe this whole thing is crazy and unhealthy and won't work. All things considered, it's only the latter that's really regrettable. I don't think I've monitored what enters my body...well, ever and, as I said before, I'm quite content in my sugar addiction. Sleep deprivation is nothing new to me, so no real new points there. Plus I've always been more goal oriented than long-term oriented ("Who cares if I'm utterly exhausted?? I finished, didn't I?"). So, from that perspective - you only live once, right? Such sound advice is what I tell myself too.

Anyway, these are all side tidbits. My sleeping was doing well. Between the 8 and 12 hour nap I was downright exhausted. And here's where things got derailed. Like before, I overslept (and, again, like before, my body woke me up in almost exactly 2 hours). This also had the added bonus of having me sleep through lab (though I technically made the 2:30 one, apparently Duane has stopped teaching the lab again from that time period so I just read over the procedure and headed back to my dorm).

I'm not so worried about that this time in part because I've (unwisely) managed the past three weekends doing absolutely no work (other than last minute scrambling, there was actually very little difference than a normal weekend of work - that still disturbs me) and, with my new sleep schedule, I'll be able to have plenty of time to just focus on my coding before going to a TA for help.

The extra 9-10 hours I've gained from switching to this schedule has made the past 2 days remotely possible. There was no way I'd finish my two labs if I was on a monophasic sleep schedule. I'd like to think that such an expansive amount of time will allow for me to not be capable of possibly procrastinating that long (thus allowing me to do my work), but I know my body's love to adapt when it comes to procrastination.

Anyway, back to the actual details of this sleep. So, for my 12 P. M. nap, I overslept. This is problematic because my oversleeping so far seems to happen at my most tired states - states that should be utterly ripe for my body to immediately jump to REM. Constantly sleeping past these is probably stopping my body from making the proper adjustment.

On the other hand, I've been playing with the idea of, if this sleep schedule doesn't work, switching to sleep schedule focused around 2 hour sleep periods (since my body seems really invested in that time frame these days). I won't gain back nearly as many hours, I think (I haven't planned any actual schedule out yet so this is guess-work), but it might be an idea to play with. I mean, considering I seriously have a problem with getting sane numbers of sleep, this might be a wiser decision since any reduction in sleeping hours would be better than none. It would allow for enough time, in theory, for my body to switch into the REM sleep I need since my big problem with the 20 minute naps (thus far) is that I'm just not getting REM (or even falling asleep in time for my alarm).

In any case, that's where I'm at right now. I'm going to hunker down and try to keep better to my sleep schedule. That part that irritates me is that that crucial moment probably won't come again until roughly four naps in (so, for my upcoming 6 A. M. nap). I can be impatient and I hate waiting. This is part of why I plan schedules that try to optimize my time all the time (and then get utterly frustrated when they inevitably go wrong due to random unforeseen events throughout the day). These two set-backs are irritating. Granted my next midterm isn't until 2 weeks, so I have time, but still.

The other area I'm wondering about is how to handle my usual methods of staying up or getting energy. I've managed to cut caffeine out nearly entirely during these past 3 days. Sugar I've been less monitoring about, though I haven't actually sought out sugar as a means to stay awake. In the "article" (I know it's not, it's a blog post, but I didn't actually pay enough attention to the site when I first went to it to notice whether it was a blog or not, and I'm more concerned with you all understanding what I mean that what it's called, in the grand scheme of things, seeing as this really is just a personal (and, therefore, informal) journal rather than any sort of formal publication) I showed you all on the first post, the author says he avoided eating before naps since the (possible) digestion made it harder to sleep. I've been doing that. But I don't know what to do about those other habits that keep me up. I mean, I have to make it to each of my assigned naps and not fall asleep before that but, on the other hand, this process works by jumping to REM from exhaustion, so I don't want to assuage my sleepiness before a nap.

In any case, I thinks that's all the updates I have. This will be...a long weekend. Work (school and workstudy), yet Halloween...balanced between polyphasic sleeping. Heh, I remember coining a phrase that seems to fit these past days quite well: "Why be normal when you can be ridiculous " I won't be able to say my life boring come my end, I can say that at least.

Quick update on my sleep adventures.

My first two naps of the day were pretty much inconsequential. I don't think I fell asleep for either of them, really, so same as before (at 4 A. M. and 8 A. M.).

For my 12 o'clock nap, though, I woke up not remembering where I was, glancing at a clock that said 12:30 on it without understanding why.

I can only assume my complete lack of memory means that I fell asleep. Clearly not REM since I couldn't even have dreams to give me baring as to what had just happened, but sleep regardless.

This was great. Then 4 P. M. rolled around.

I wound up sleeping for 2 hours (I just woke up half an hour ago or so). I'm not sure how badly this'll mess up my schedule but I'm not pleased.

The exhauston has definitely hit me. I wake up wanting to immediately go back to bed (even after my 2 hour nap). I knew that day two was the crasher, so I'm not too surprised - well, okay, I'm still smarting over having just over-slept.

Hopefully it wears off soon. I don't know a rough time equivalent for when my body should realize that it should jump straight to REM sleep but I hope it happens relatively soon. While I get 9-10 more hours of time per day, the inability to concentrate straight really brings down work production. Plenty of time - to work really, really slowly.

My Dad on Facebook:

     Dude!
     When you PC is on, does that mean that iPhone is also on?

Dad...you're 50-something years old. I'm pretty sure the only people who ever use the term dude with me are Ohioan teen girls. You should be stable and sage-like like wrybreadspread; your age is your asset.

Alright, I'm totally stereotyping him, I admit (and am totally guilty). And, obviously, I'm largely kidding; he's only checking up on me. But there's something that just feels unnatural about him using that.

Alright, DAY TWO.

I hadn't really thought about keeping track of how this little experiment would go but I figure why not? Could be amusing. Plus, I haven't properly kept track of anything I've done for years (as you might've garnered from this "journal", seeing as I rarely give updates about what happens in my day-to-day life). I'd be interested to look back and see how things have progressed, sort of a further way to gauge the effectiveness of this new sleep pattern.

So, last I left you, I remember mentioning that one of my nap times would be at 12. First, in part due to my depression and my acquired coping method of planning some things out as a way to stay organized, I get very disoriented and emotionally rattled when things don't go as planned. What's this got to do with sleeping? Nothing directly but it gives you an idea of my mindset when I woke up an hour and a half after my intended 20 minute nap and more than half of my class had been missed.

Thankfully Professor Kent was understanding (that's because she's amazingly awesome and why I chose her as my adviser). However, of course, this screwed up my schedule. So, I have over slept once thus far.

The extra hour has made falling asleep more difficult, since it's extra energy I hadn't intended. It also will off-set my body from recognizing that I'm only getting 20 minutes of sleep per interval. Apparently it thinks that I only do so by 2 hours at the moment (hence why I woke up and didn't just sleep through the rest of today); I'm not sure why. I haven't consistantly only slept for only 2 hours multiple times lately.

Admittedly, if my sleep patterns have been anything lately, they've been sporadic and out of place. 3 or 4 days ago I had a paper to write, which wound up using the whole night. Considering that it helps to work when you're not groggy, I've been experimenting with sleeping in short intervals while you work since last semester.

My whole "Sleep 10 minutes and then work 30, repeat" didn't work quite well when I wound up just sleeping, waking up at when I usually set my alarm - without the help of my alarm (seeing as I fell asleep without intention, you might imagine that I hadn't set an alarm for that day). While the sleep was utterly refreshing, it only gave me 5 hours to do my paper, seeing as I still had math homework that had to be done before class and comp. sci. homework due sometime that day. It all got done, but it wasn't very useful.

With the paper I worked on 3 or 4 days ago, I tried sleeping for 5 minutes and then just working between those (I didn't really pay much attention to how long I worked between the intervals. Truth be told, I wound up at some points doing 5 minutes work, 5 minutes sleep. I cave easily). That actually worked quite well, except for one instance where I seemed to've missed the alarm and slept for 1.5 to 2 hours. Otherwise, though, I didn't fall asleep for anytime longer and the paper got done. What interested me most about it, though, was that I didn't have any of the tiredness that normally accompanies an all-nighter (varying on how much sleep I've had the week before, of course). I was totally at normal energy 'til the end of the day.

While not a direct thought that I had, this attempt to bring my sleep patterns under some logical sense is part of what interested me in getting polyphasic sleep. But this also makes me wary.

According to the article I posted last entry, the writer found that he becomes dependent on that schedule. Varying far from it winds up in him getting exhausted. I suppose what weirds me out about this is that our conventional (though misguided) way of measuring benefit from sleep is simple and very capable of being concrete - how many hours did you sleep? Measurable.

This new sleep pattern acknowledges that REM is the useful sleep I need and that outside of REM is unnecessary. So, in other words, outside of my constructed schedule, I have no way of measuring if I've gotten the right amount of sleep. I mean, even the notion of just getting 2 hours per day runs utterly contrary to how we usually think of sleep.

This is most easily demonstrated in the way the rest of my naps went. While I'm using the article I showed you guys as a guide, I've also got to be skeptical. For one, the guy is a vegan and, guessing completely wildly based on what little of how he describes his eating style, probably a more healthy eater than me. This could make a difference. The most clear way is when he mentions caffeine.

I forget if I've mentioned it here, but I have a quite consistent addiction to sugar. To prop up my sporadic sleep schedule (or lack thereof), it comes in handy. If I crash, just take some more. Naturally, I'm not opposed to using caffeine the same way, if needed (though I don't think I have an addiction to it). And, really, it's kinda hard to avoid on a college campus.

So, while not a part of his diet, they're quite a consistent part of mine. He tried playing with using caffeine to stay awake, possibly to skip one of the 20 minute interval naps completely, and it didn't work.

But would it work for me? Better yet, will getting into the cycle be more difficult if I'm drinking soda right before I try to take a nap? I only had some during dinner, so it wasn't really a problem today, but they're things to keep in mind.

The other difference I want to highlight is that he said he felt like a zombie for the first few days because the body isn't used to jumping right into REM sleep, meaning that the 20 minute naps were pretty much useless sleep. So, ironically enough, sleep deprivation ensued.

Me, on the other hand - well, I'm quite well acquainted with sleep deprivation (as we probably have learned quite well in these two most recent posts alone). Despite my 1.5 hour nap today, I've been pretty fine throughout the day. Towards the end I could feel being tired, but nothing at all like the haziness that follows, say, only getting 2-3 hours of sleep the night before. It was kinda like the grogginess was there in the background but you could easily push it aside.

However, this is further confusing since I haven't had much REM sleep today (er, yesterday; you know). In fact, as the day wore on, the more I got less REM sleep from my naps. So it's not like they've been sustaining me. Of course, my naps have been wherever I can take them (namely the science buildings and the student center). I always feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't by sleeping in public places, so I rarely can fall asleep easily. And, of course, I'm often on whatever sofa/chair I can find, so it's not exactly comfy.

That said, my latest nap sticks out the most. The previous hours of the day had followed like I described. Being 3 in the morning, I decided to head back to my dorm before going back to the science buildings to finish my lab. I figured sleep in my own bed would help me along and get me the sleep I'm trying to achieve.

Instead, it felt like I couldn't get any sleep at all. I kinda laid there and rested, but obviously no REM came from that. Since I felt groggy as a result, I figured I'd stay in bed for 20 more minutes in hope of getting any sleep. I kinda don't recall everything, so I might've fallen asleep. Seeing how it played out, I'm not sure if I want to call it over-sleeping.

However, more than anything, such (unproductive) sleep made me groggier than all of today possibly did. I normally just got up after each nap, feeling like I didn't exactly gain all I could (like I said, most of my naps are still not REM sleep), but feeling that background grogginess that basically meant I still had more energy than I normally would for the amount of sleep I've been getting.

Walking back to the science quad has shook off much of the grogginess, but I'm still more tired. So, I'm wondering if I'm reaching the part where the writer of the article I posted felt like a zombie. But, again, it's hard to gauge given the differences between our circumstances.

I guess the last thing I want to say is how useful this could be, if I can properly shift myself to this sleep schedule. While I'd prefer all of the other benefits that supposedly go with this sleep schedule (more vivid dreams, more energy and alertness), it seems I'm able to sustain myself better this way already. Considering I'm only getting 2 hours of sleep per day, groggy but more energy than a concentrated 2 hours of sleep is not a bad trade-off. Again, it presents sleep in a way that I can't possibly do anything with. I wouldn't even begin to know how to stray from the schedule while maintaining the energy conserved. But such is the elusiveness of REM.

Regardless, the time gained should be great. I mean, 22 hour days? It's like the perfect solution. I'd've made it up if I hadn't found it to be true. It's basically the eradication of sleep from your day - and, yet, utterly not so since what you're really doing is utilizing sleep to its utmost potential and, therefore, requiring less of it.

For example, I probably would've never gotten this lab done today - I'm almost finished, but, thanks to my new freed time, I have completely until 1 today to get it done, minus 40 minutes (2 naps). I could get more homework done. I could free up time to finally write back to my friends, seeing as I've pretty much had no time to do so. Hell, I could manage my clubs better.

And, more than anything, I can witness the glory that is night and (even) early morning. I can get breakfast everyday. I mean, for anyone who's an early riser, this seems ridiculous. But, seeing as I had trouble capping my sleep at even 12 hours, to suddenly take TEN of those hours back? This is phenomenal.

I'm seriously hoping my body will be able to adapt efficiently to the schedule.

It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that sleep is not exactly my friend. When I get it, it's generally in 12 to 14 hour intervals (regardless of whether I want to be asleep that long) or not at all (I'd never know the morning hours otherwise).

So, in my decision to pull an all-nighter for absolutely no reason (it just felt right...?), several The Arc songs (yes, play me your melodic symphonies!) and more work on my short story later, I decide to look up more on polyphasic sleeping since a friend had mentioned it to me yesterday.

You can see this article here: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/03/polyphasic-sleep-one-year-later/. Don't worry, it's a summation of the experience a year after - because, as a product of the generation that grew up with Google, reading anything (outside of free time) that doesn't simply summarize the answer and information just isn't worth my time. Seriously, summarize, people. It makes life so much easier for the rest of us.

Anyway, the basic idea is this. The polyphasic sleep cycle that the writer of the "article" above used was a simple 20 minute nap routine. Simply do this every 4 hour interval throughout a day. This, in total, equals 2 hours per day.

Why might I do this, you might ask.

Because I ceased thinking about the consequences of anything during Senior year, that's why. Though, on a (remotely) more serious level, there are too many hours of the day I put to waste. Personally, I hate to sleep any of it away. Except maybe the afternoon, but of course that's when everyone's active so I have to do that, now don't I?

So, reducing my sleep to only 2 hours per day sounds splendid. The benefits sound pretty nice as well. Personally, the only benefit I need is long-term sustainability.

Considering that I pulled an all-nighter, I figure I'm in the perfect state to activate REM sleep quickly (not to mention just fall asleep quickly on the fly). The transition should, thus, be more smooth, thus enabling me to test whether this method is suitable for longer periods of time.

My first nap was at 7:30 this morning. My next will start roughly at 12 (I get out of class at 11:50).

Wish me luck.

**The tales contained herein are recalled in a most frivolous nature, taking delight to a point of frivolous self-consciousness (one might say). All events are true, though their details and perspective are confirmed at only the most subjective level, I might suppose.

In order to impose on the cavern walls of ancient time and memory these limited events of delectation, I take upon myself now the work of transcribing the events which Williams Secular Community engaged upon at Stone Hill so they will not leave my brain so shortly after the event occurred. During the course of the regular hours for college students, many laughs were had along with a bonding transcending the inner connections of the average student club or even that of common friendship so that many joyful, Godless times were had (as well as uncoördinated, multi-tempo, and off-key singing with no abandon to the night sky).

Having conceived of nature-involved events for the WSC (Williams Secular Community) in order to more appreciate nature and foster more community sometime last year, the WSC called out for recruitment to a camping trip upon Stone Hill. A fire, s'mores, and singing (regardless if anyone could find a guitar) was to take place. How could any refuse?

Taking up the call, Greg, April, Nick, Jonathan (myself), Margaret, Antal, and Kim decided to venture forth into this night in the wilderness (or the mostly treeless, pasture-like area just outside the wilderness; it's really exactly the same thing, when you think about it).

Meeting in Baxter Hall to gather forces, the group convened, decked with sleeping bags/pads, a pillow, tarps, and the joys of chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallows. From there, they headed out on their journey.

Missing one of their members (he purported to be sick, a dubious claim that the group just could not accept), they descended upon the stony buildings of Greylock Quad to make plea to his better sources of reason. However, they found his room apparently vacant (or he was hiding and pretending to be gone) so the group graciously signed with their signatures to the sign on his door for a non-pressuring ultimatum that he must join the festivities (except for the apparent confusion of Kim, who wrote "Yeah, idk...").

It was then to Stone Hill!

The group made their way to their destination, engaging in the casual chitchat of a most prestigious nature (delighting in personal tales recounting the glory of surviving sleep deprivation and the successful victory in the foray of a written paper, current events on campus, opinions about certain art courses and the way that art majors and non-majors function in that, just how willing the drivers of the area were willing to obey the law that cars must stop for pedestrians that late at night, as well as returning to the ever familiar computer science (which actually occurred at an all-time low for the group, during that walk)).

As they reached the hill, the talking dwindled as they made their ascent (I imagine the suddenly very audible and measured breathing might be some indication to a reason why, but I wouldn't personally begin to know).

And then, at least, they had reached it! Quite excited, the group staked out the place to make a fire and began searching for wood to burn. At this point, the continued references to personal sticks and wood only got light chuckles from portions of the group at sporadic times.

Having gathered their firewood, Nick took great care to assemble the sticks into the shape of a circular pyramid. Soon, a wonderful fire had been started and the marshmallows were broken out. Naturally, a discussion arose (it's the nature of the group, really) about how much to cook marshmallows. The range consisted from lightly browned to Kim who seemed to enjoy the clearly audible crunching noise that was made when a bite was made into the marshmallow.

As this treat of the gods (that most of the group doesn't believe in) was devoured, it was discovered that Symphony Hershey bars were also present, which a member of the group informed could only properly be described as "really gourmet shit". It was then decided that the group must one day approach the dining services in Paresky during a mealtime and let them know that the current menu options were not up to par and so could they up the ante and bring out their gourmet shit.

At this time, or somewhat a bit before, Kim informed the group that she must then take this moment to leave. Greatly saddened, the group bid her farewell.

Then after, the neighboring group decided to go streaking. This valiant attempt was rendered moot due to the fact that the night made seeing anything beyond the fire virtually impossible. One of the streakers, however, was kind enough to take this into consideration and decided to leap over the flame of the fire whilst being naked. As they rescinded back to their camp, Nick said goodbye to one of the people he recognized.

By this time (whether this was aided by the appearance of the streakers is up for question), the number of wood and stick references had increased with prolonged laughing, taking not of which woods were still or wet. Finally, perilously breaking the silence, Margaret jumped to the heart of the matter and uttered the word penis for the rest of the group.

Directly talking about the issue now liberated to onto the table, the group (nostalgic as ever) decided to partake in the penis game. Bringing joy and mirth (with a very brief wonder as to what the other two groups might be thinking of the members' past times), the fire had (sadly) begun to dwindle.

Thus began the continued task throughout the night to keep the fire burning despite its suicidal wishes.

Having had their fun of s'mores, the group decided it really needed to sing. However, there were no musical instruments of any kind, other than their beautiful and angelic voices. Well, acoustic guitars be damned, they were going to do it.

Accurately describing their generation, they kicked it off with "The Campfire Song Song" and then "The F. U. N. Song". This quickly became a need for singing the Pokémon theme song (the original, of course) in loud, impassioned, and monolithic voices, a feat they only closely replicated again with Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl".

This quickly descended into a slew of songs that were sung, not all of which were coherent. Necessary ones included "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, the chorus of "Living On a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, and "Teenage Wasteland" by The Who.

Just due to its fitting nature, "Losing My Religion" by R. E. M. was also played. A quick pole of the group quickly found that many there hadn't lost religion, seeing as they didn't have it originally to begin with. Mistakenly, I was included in that group to which I corrected, saying, "I had, for a time," to which Greg responded, "Well, we're working on that," (one of my favorite lines of the night, I must say).

Greg also officially made himself my hero for life by suggesting we sing Bruce Springsteen. Few others knew the words, I think, but I enjoyed the chance to confidently belt a song in a group for once.

Also, at some point the idea was brought up to gangster rap "The F. U. N. Song" – how or why is beyond me, though.

Having rejoiced greatly thus far in group singing at the expense of sleeping groups and woodland creatures, the group put on a song that inspired them to sway together as a group. This evolved into an idea for a group hug and April was involuntarily thrust into the middle of a giant group bear hug.

After tiring the vocal cords, the group resolved to just listen to the music, dancing together (best dance party on campus, you know) and rocking out. This inspired Margaret to spin, which the rest of the group promptly joined. Dizzy and feeling like kids again (because all the other previous activities just didn't quite solidly do that yet), they decided to spin in pairs. Once again with group ideas, they attempted to spin as a group, holding hands; this bad idea one just has to do anyway for the sake of experience provoked laughing and giggling exclamations of strain as the circle hung on to each other's hands to prevent falling apart.

Having fallen on top of each other, the next idea was born – lying on one another's stomachs in a circle. Having accomplished this feat, the group laid there on top of each other staring up at the stars while listening to The Beatles.

After an hour and a half of thoroughly breaking down physical boundaries amongst the group, they resolved that maybe sleep might be a somewhat wise decision (despite the opinion of the ever nocturnal Antal).

Taking to the sleeping bags, they decided to once again get in a circular formation and lie on one another's bellies. However, as exhaustion finally (at 4 or 5 something in the morning) came upon them, they realized it wouldn't work quite so well. So they gathered around the pillow that I had brought and communally shared it (the looking-into-eventually-starting-your-own-private-commune for the group will be started tomorrow).

As the morning came, they sighed contently with their experience as they prepared to finally descend Stone Hill.

And with that, I must leave you all – Comp. Sci. BBQ is calling me.