I've never understood pictures such as those (forgive me iconsatmidnight, if you happen to stop by; nothing against you). "Look! It's beautiful and happy and perfect." I've never understood the appeal in such things.

I like cloudy, windy days, where the scent of air is heavy and the actual precipitation is light enough.

I like sad songs, questioning and shaking with emotion, as if the soul could save the mind.

I like the damaged objects which have faced so much wear and tear and still maintain in one piece. Objects which tell more story than they can actually say.

I like greasy skin, pasty and pale complexion, an awkward figure, and a weight that can't stay constant.

"Perfection" is over-rated. The imperfect are far more interesting and varying. Why be boring?

No matter how many ways I look at that entry (maybe it's more in light of these past few days), I like it. From April 19ᵗʰ, this year.

Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.

--Anonymous
http://www.accept.co.nr/

Thanks Escapist.

This one reminded me of you, Erin:

Thoreau would've been proud:

And yet it's so difficult to properly articulate you in any reasonable way. You're amazing like that.

ONE OF LIFE'S BEST KEPT SECRET'S: There is so much variation and passion to life, but you have to look beneath the surface of everything you encounter. It's the little things that count and can say so much so simply. An entire story and life awaits.

So I decided to give advertisement (I hate to describe it as such, but the technicality of the word still remains) for accept.co.nr another shot. This time I prefaced it with a relevant story. Now, the particular story I had written for it (from a previous entry dealing with my past) I like because it's written with my type of slight humor/sarcasm (allowing for knowing the personality) and it is a story to think about (or so I hoped would be the case, at least).

And it's drawn in some really interesting people. As I've said in other, different ways before, the greatest art you may ever endow upon the world is your own personality. Utterly unique, varied, capable of the utmost complexity, and able to think, create, and dream of the most breathtaking of things, it is something to marvel at.

My only regret in this world (rereading that, I almost want to laugh I let myself get away with it, nearly; you know what I mean, however) is that I don't get to know so many people on far deeper a level. I often have hunches of the potential of people, but I rarely get to see it in full.

Challenge the world in small ways, do random acts of kindness, philosophize! Be intelligent and question why you're here. Or just lay out on the grass around midnight staring up at the stars, remembering in every nerve of your body and memory of your mind why you're alive.

Also, the interesting people don't just stop at those who happen to come across my site. That also goes to most of the people I'm subscribed to as well. I don't just hit that button to anyone, you know.

Alright, I think I'm pretty overdue for an archaic word, no? Today's is...

Acherontic [Ach`e*ron"tic]
-adjective

1. of or pertaining to Acheron; infernal; hence, dismal, gloomy; moribund:

Origin:
dictionary.com doesn't say

Some days my life seems so acherontic that I find myself thinking I couldn't deign to speak about it to another person. My brother, of course, constantly gainsays what he calls "my foolish habit", mauger the fact he hasn't had to personally experience my hardships. I just hope he, one day, understands my plight ere it's too late for me.

So, during my past-midnight musings, I happened to remember an aspect (one of the many) I dislike about my mother (and it just dawned on me how awful a person I must seem to those that don't know me).

We'll be watching T. V. or a movie and a character (usually a comic relief who has equal character development and standing with the other characters) who is deliberately odd for the show/film will come on the screen and my mother remarks, almost as if this is some inside joke or is trying to get into my good wishes/good side by getting me to laugh, "Now that's a nerd," or, "Now that girl is goofy/weird, you'd never want to date her, right?" (moments of this happening are Grease and High School Musical 3, respectively (as to High School Musical, the siblings and I got bored one night and rented it to have something to laugh at. I assure you, I'm no fan of the series)).

To this I have to ask - what do you expect of me? Am I supposed to laugh at your immediate conjecture of this person (albeit a fictional one) and vain assumption of your apparent superiority of them? Granted, I understand my somewhat abnormal response to your reaction is just that - slightly abnormal. Characters that exist on the screen solely for laughing at are nothing new. But perhaps that these characters weren't meant to be laughed at is what really just peeves me (particularly in the case of HSM; knowing the series, it was probably meant to be to celebrate being different. Preaching to the wrong crowd, Disney, though I do appreciate the attempt).

But no, it's because, mother, I know you. I know it doesn't just extend to the screen. Like all actions, the smaller ones are shockingly accurate of your bigger actions; and yet you'd probably just laugh at me if I told you to watch every action you make; though you do prove my point beautifully everytime, so I thank you for that. Frankly, mom, I can't go to public with you because the apparently abhorrent weight of the woman passing by us is in dire need for you to give comment to - out loud while she passes us.

Is it a generation gap? Am I just "out there" with this opinion? Because, to me, dropping a personal opinion (which I'm sure the passerby don't really give two flying fucks about what you think, anyway) about every person that you see is really just unnecessary and, more importantly, flat out rude. It denotes a complete understanding of flat out stupidity, really.

So, when you look at me like I'm supposed to understand what you're getting at, as if you're striking some kind of note that I ought to get, like by finding this "common ground" we'll become closer together, understand that you have just demonstrated to me you don't know me by any stretch of the imagination (in spite of me constantly explaining this viewpoint every damn time you do something stupid like this). But more importantly, you've demonstrated your own ignorance about humanity (and what's important about it) and an understanding on how to treat your fellow Man.

Pray, tell me, why is being different so bad a thing? Rather, why should we wish to normalize ourselves? Am I the only one who actually gets intrigued at someone who happens to stand out? I'd love to rant on that point, but I honestly can't think of any more thousand ways to restate that basic, beautiful point. Sometimes the most direct and blunt way is the best.

So, mother, no - to both of your questions. To be honest, I'd rather not take part in your 2-dimensional view of the world which shoves us all in these convenient boxes for the sake of your pathetic inability to comprehend much more than what you've been told to believe, understand, and appreciate.

Am I being overly critical (or, perhaps, patronizing...)?

I've decided that it is quite important to conduct a trip dedicated to visiting places related to gay history with a relatively small group of voluntary people in my relative age range who have a interest in sexuality and are majoridly non-heterosexual (this largely, though not entirely, because I can't imagine finding a huge group of heterosexuals who would be direly interested in this sort of trip; I certainly wouldn't dream of turning any one away, of course).

The reason for this trip? Well, little more complicated than the simple line answer I'd like to give. Part of it is I know the disassociation from identity that growing up gay, etc. in this type of society a person can acquire. And identity means the difference between being un-phased by someone using faggot as a threat to someone else around you and then actually deciding that your rights ought to be faught for and you deserve to be equal. And you never really realize just how much of a difference a personal association and connection to your sexuality can really make. That would be a huge aspect of the trip, to restore a sense of history to a community which still isolates its youth beyond partying, clubbing, and pop references (as if those things have anything specific to do with being gay, but I'll avoid descending into a rant).

Also is the immense ignorance of history that many gay youth have; I'd slightly forgotten this over the past year with the time away from the high school GSA that I've had and my own inclusion in the QSU on campus and my keeping up with gay news outlets. Most have no concrete idea what the Kinsey Scale is (or who the Hell Alfred Kinsey was), much less are even out of the closet.

Finally, the simple time taken to hang out with a group of old friends (and any others I can get to come with) in a setting where everyone, even those not out yet to most anyone, can feel safe with their own sexuality.

Of course, the trip won't be strictly limited to just these sites. We'll visit the surrounding areas if they strike a person's interest, though such diversions won't be often. Some will be necessary. For example, the visit of the Holocaust memorial in Berlin focusing on gays persecuted during the Nazi regime will certainly include (and may be visited after) the memorial dedicated to the Holocaust persecution of the Jews (in part because the former imitates the latter and because the two are quite connected and the attack towards other minorities is a very important lesson for them to learn).

The trip will not only cover the USA. Not only that the spot of Stonewall must be visited, (as I noted above) the Holocaust museums in Berlin will be visited. I want to see if any spots dedicated to the progressive and leading stance Weimar Germany held as a gay haven and educational center are around. I know there are other places I saw I want to see but I have to do a bit more research.

Now, of course, this trip won't be easy. Particularly if I want to jump around countries. Parents can be protective. And then there's the whole thing about taking their kids to learn about gay history.... But I really want to see if I could do this. It'd be a blast and be important to be done. We'll see. Would have to be next year (or later), anyway.

Anyone else have suggested places?

Well, tonight was a blast. Stevenson and other local high school GSAs got together at the YO for a dance.

This is important for several reasons - one, the autonomy that the just budding SHS GSA had since my days of high school always been a bit of a struggle (for the most part, our dances were at the whims of other schools because getting us to hold a dance under the then administration was near impossible); two, it was good for all the kids who need a normalized place for them to simply live with their sexuality. No matter what the opposition may say, kids as young as 14 understand their own sexualities perfectly well and a non-sexual enviroment and regular social place for them is most necessary. My only complaint would be that most of the songs were at the whim of the very heteronormative domination that pop music has. But oh well. We got in Time Warp near the end and watching most everyone able to sing the lyrics word for word was fantastic.

Most important, though, was just how normalized everything was - no one was worried about sexuality: the stright girls flirted and danced with the gay girls, the gay boys danced with the girls, and all other mixes went forth. You weren't gay, straight, bi, or a(sexual) that night - you just had fun. And that idea that anyone can be any sexuality (and that is often the case of the world, just not the extent we gave image to) is very healthy and good for anyone entering a world such as this and being non-heteronormative.

Also was great for me to see so many familiar face again. I think the GSA is gonna be okay. On its 6ᵗʰ year and still going strong.

So, I found this article (http://www.momaroo.com/704579025/loud-children-in-restaurants-the-not-so-silent-killer/) and realized an old post of mine would answer it better than I could. I also just really liked that section of my old post, for a score of reasons. From May 8ᵗʰ of this year:

However, the topic does bring us to another topic. Ever been somewhere with your parents and there's a group that's somewhere near in the social setting? And, of course, mom or dad mentions something like, "Can't those kids sit still?" or "Why are they so loud?" And, of course, you can't help but think both statements are ridiculous. But, more so, it goes back to that basic tenement of whatever pleases and makes you happy to a tee isn't necessarily what you ought to expect. There are others in this world. Actually think of them (father dearest, start taking notes). I guess when people act out, or against what's "publically/socially acceptable", I always want to object, "So?" If someone's happy - cherish that. For the sake of God, cherish that. For a world stricken by lies, two-faced...ness, cheating, depression, lack of proper self-esteem, betrayal, physical parental abuse - and the many, many et cetera, this person is happy. Geez, let them have that! I honestly think, if you don't just live at least once in your life - what's the point? Take a risk, make a fool of yourself, cuss pointlessly, sing to yourself in public (I apparently wasn't loud enough to get odd glances at the park today), play the penis game in a public sphere, just do something that reminds others how badly we construct expectations that have no real (logically held-up) reason for being followed. So, okay, yeah, they're being loud and disrupting others just a bit. They're also 14. And have more screwed up domestic issues than you want to sift through. Let 'em be...not like they're harming anyone or being immoral. Let them have the moment.

For those who know me well, they know that one of the easiest ways to move me is simply a good deed which moves a person in an emotional way. Simple kindness speaks incredibly eloquently to me. For reasons dealing with my past, my own experiences, and my own beliefs (naturally aided and formed by the previous two), this is not that surprising.

My cousin put for one of her FB statuses that she "thinks that you should go to givesmehope.com. It's beautiful." She was right. Many of those had me near to crying - and I am in no sense the crying type.

One of the drawbacks of having a penis: when you're swinging on a swing set, it's like constantly crushing a piece of your body the entire time. So then you try to shift it, you know, so you don't flatten the poor thing. But then it's laying on top of your leg; and it's not like there isn't enough heat they're being subjected to with the stupid seat of the swing crushing your thighs together. By the end, you're stuck wishing you could simply detach and reattach your reproductive order whenever you wish. That would be sweet. And very difficult.

I honestly do have to wonder how I end up with so large a group of the female sex for friends. For this time period, you'd think otherwise.

Which reminds me of Sophomore year, as a Freshman Lilia openly adjusted her bra and, I think, complained about her period. Oddly enough, she decides to remark that she really shouldn't be telling me this stuff later. To which I must react - why? Like I don't know you're wearing a bra. Or that you have a period. It's like we give such minuscule stuff a feeling that we shouldn't be talking or sharing it. One of my favorite things about the Ancient Greeks was their public bathrooms.

Just a slew of connected toilets with no walls between them. And they just sat their and, as they did their universal business, discussed whatever a normal conversation would cover. Fantastic! No worries about embarrassment over non-embarressing stuff. But really, the more pressing and important question of this matter was why I didn't try to do more with a girl so open about her bra. The possibilities were probably endless. But, for another day.

However, the topic does bring us to another topic. Ever been somewhere with your parents and there's a group that's somewhere near in the social setting? And, of course, mom or dad mentions something like, "Can't those kids sit still?" or "Why are they so loud?" And, of course, you can't help but think both statements are ridiculous. But, more so, it goes back to that basic tenement of whatever pleases and makes you happy to a tee isn't necessarily what you ought to expect. There are others in this world. Actually think of them (father dearest, start taking notes). I guess when people act out, or against what's "publically/socially acceptable", I always want to object, "So?" If someone's happy - cherish that. For the sake of God, cherish that. For a world stricken by lies, two-faced...ness, cheating, depression, lack of proper self-esteem, betrayal, physical parental abuse - and the many, many et cetera, this person is happy. Geez, let them have that! I honestly think, if you don't just live at least once in your life - what's the point? Take a risk, make a fool of yourself, cuss pointlessly, sing to yourself in public (I apparently wasn't loud enough to get odd glances at the park today), play the penis game in a public sphere, just do something that reminds others how badly we construct expectations that have no real (logically held-up) reason for being followed. So, okay, yeah, they're being loud and disrupting others just a bit. They're also 14. And have more screwed up domestic issues than you want to sift through. Let 'em be...not like they're harming anyone or being immoral. Let them have the moment.

I rediscovered why I loved Metallica again today. I dunno if it's just because I grew up to it, am just used to it, or whatever, but I love the full sound of an electric guitar. Amazing instrument.

Yeah...trust I seek
    and I find in you
Everyday for us something new...
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
(-Metallica)

There was some seemingly unrealated rant I was going to go with that...Sabbath, anyone?

I wonder if I have to serve Sunday Mass this week. Probably. I usually do. Williams' Secular Community party on Saturday. Plus all my homework. And Work. Should be fun....

Hmm, yeah...totally can't think of what else I was going to say. Which is odd, because I could've sworn...huh. Definitely one of my more...free-form flowing thought...like entries. I'm usually not this flitty. Random topics FTW, I suppose.

Oh, do you believe in Rock 'n' Roll?
Can music save your immortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance...real slow?
-Don McLean

Heh, I'm such a product of the suburbs...