Revolution

  • It's far too early in the summer (I might say that it actually shouldn't be summer at all) for me to feel this tired, this worn.

     

     

    We were watching Lord of the Rings today, the family and I, and there came the scene where Faramir is interrogating Sméagol. While I hate the changes, for the most part, that they made to Faramir's character (there really wasn't any resolution or accurate message to be drawn from the whole thing; they mistreat Sméagol and then we're supposed to hate him when he betrays them; uhh...what?), it's an excellent scene when Sméagol is lying on the floor in the corner, going back and forth between his two personalities.

    Now, I like the more twisted and depressing, we know this. But it really is this wonderful scene of his trust and strength just breaking down, him succumbing to the corruption around him.

     

    And yet, at this pivotal scene, at multiple times during it's short run (meaning there was a handful of comments being inserted), all I hear from some of the family members is, "God, is he ugly," and similar comments. My favorite part is when they're laughing while he's sobbing.

    Now, I've never been much of one to harp too much over fictional characters; I'll be brutally honest - I don't understand crying when Dumbledor dies. I mean, he's awesome and all...but I don't get it.

     

    But a complete lack of an emotional connection with a character? Well, we all know as a matter of living that that just doesn't happen for most people.

    Yet I know the reason for their disconnect. Every five seconds I had to hear some comment about how ugly he is or some other remark.

    Because apparently conscious creatures don't deserve attention or respect or understanding if they have an ugly mug.

    Save the dog because it's cute but let's ignore the starving man on the street because he hasn't had a bath in a few days and probably isn't looking the best.

     

    We so easily put first our own comforts and desires before bothering to consider that of others.

    It's pathetic.

  • I don't know where it came from or how I developed such a dependence on it, but, as some of you may have caught on to by now, I have an obsession (of sorts) with movements, causes, and ideals.

    While I don't like the notion of having something I need to follow in order for personal happiness that I can't rightly explain why I need it in my life, it's not the worst obsession to have.

    But I see now that I probably will have to incorporate it more deeply into my life.

     

    Whoever I may happen to fall into with in the future (heh, if such things will happen in the future), I think I'm going to need someone devoted to some sort of cause, a high sense of dedicated ideals - more so than I ever expected from anyone in the past.

    I want someone with a deep desire for more than what they're given. Admittedly, like I do. I need a dreamer. I want someone to swap philosophies with, to get passionate about civil rights issues for hours at a time, who I can tease and joke about ideals with, because I know they have said ideals.

     

    I want someone who believes deeply in something so much greater than themselves, who I can share such appreciation for said systems and beliefs and causes and cultures and movements in them.

  • I was going to write, "I'm at that point in my life where I'm just trying to keep breathing." And then I thought of all the things that are coming up and all the things I have yet to do, and I smiled. Yes, right now, I'm trying to just keep breathing, keep sanity, and keep away from any rope, heights, or natural gas. But hey - nothing I haven't done before. It's gonna be a good week. I'll damn well make sure it is.

  • Yesterday/today have been shockingly amazing.

    Unfortunately, someone after a party had written Fag on one of the Freshmen dorms. Well, several school officials have sent out school-wide E-mails admonishing this and talking about how to improve things. One of my teachers made it the focus of discussion for our class. And College Council is holding a meeting specifically in light of this.

    A bunch of the Queer students decided that we wanted some changes, and we were going to ask the administration to make them happen. One, a full-time Queer Life Coordinator, which only makes sense (particularly in light of this instance). Also, Queer Studies as a separate study instead of just Women and Gender Studies with classes that happen to touch on concepts of sexuality and that can confer a major. Transforming the house where Queer Student Union meetings take place into a Gender and Sexuality Resource Center, entailing its own library (literary and media) and an archive of the history of anything gender and sexuality related that's happened on campus. Further training for Junior Advisers and Baxter Fellows (read resident adviser, in a sense) on issues of sexuality and gender identity. Finally, gender neutral housing that would allow opposite sex roommates, plus probably greater sensitivity to the needs of Trans students as far as housing goes.

    We'll present our wanted-changes at the College Council meeting. If there is no response or appropriate effort from the administration by Sunday, we'll stage a sit-in and make noise until actual change (these same issues have been coming up since 1970; we're tired of waiting) that can help this campus in effective and constant ways is established.

    I also happened to see the Lady Gaga video for Bad Romance today, which was surprising more mature and insightful than I ever expected from Lady Gaga (granted, seeing as I've only heard her stuff on a very surface-like level, I am totally up for being proven that my original opinions were wrong and judgemental).

    Lastly, I talked to my professor about my paper due, got a topic and paper figured out with her, and had a good discussion about The Great Gatsby. It's amazing what they don't teach you about it in high school. It's far more complex than I ever imagined, and I like it all the more for it. It's jumped significantly higher on my list of favorite books, and I can't wait to write my final paper for the class on it.

     

    I just feel so incredibly stimulated today, it's fantastic. I sat down with one of my readings of theory for class and couldn't wait to dive into it and wrestle with the ideas, instead of being bored with it. It's mindblowing, really; such good days, I really hope for more.

  •  

    We should start a campaign against those with piercings. Or those who choose to wear all black. And those with high cholesterol.

    One of the things I try to keep in mind when I write my public minded entries (in other words, generally, those which aren't directly about myself) is what voice I use. No one wants to listen to someone yell at them (completely understandably). Should I choose a more sympathetic tone? Couch the post in "we" pronouns rather than talk, visibly, from my point of view? Or should I not even use my words - just a picture to make the point; I'll let the rest of you take what you will from it.

    I always thought that there were certain topics and ideas that we as a society (or, at the very least, we as a generation) had already discussed and settled. Example? Racism. We've been through that argument, all of our schools taught us it's evil. If you are a rational and non-past-bound individual, this is not an issue. We may discuss the slighter nuances of it, but I shouldn't find, one day, the majority of people engaged in the discussion of whether those of Japanese descent are inferior to those of Greek descent. It just shouldn't happen. Really.

    Well, Xanga seems content on proving me otherwise. Now - when I'm talking about something I believe in, I get passionate. I admit this. My favorite thing I've written on here (with the exception of my last post) is that Mommy Dearest post I did a bit back about my mom. Logical and calculated, it backs up the points it makes while imbued by enough appropriate and justified anger. Now, I'm not advocating for anger, I assure you. But I do think it's appropriate to get passionate about what you feel strongly in. So long as you can back the reasoning, mind you.

    However, as I said before - does that get people to listen? Even if justified, if I'm trying to get others to see something, will I make them listen in my passion about the subject? Or is there something I'm missing. Someone "rec"ed this Xanga entry that I then happened to read: http://manstration.xanga.com/716572761/take-a-good-look-at-yourselves/. While there are a lot of things I like about it, you may notice one continual theme through out it. It points out our flaws. We. You. Ironic.

    One of the things they tell you in advertising (even advertising about civil rights, etc.) is to make it about those watching. Seems a little off, in a way. I should talk about you to get you to do something for them? And, it seems, it doesn't even matter which arguments you use. As far as it goes, if people don't already have an investment in the subject and it isn't about them, they're not likely to care.

    A week ago I came across a "brilliantly" titled entry called Since When is Being Overweight Being "Real"?

    To be honest, I'm old school (and by old school, I mean largely influenced by the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s that so dominates our society to this day). I expect that I simply have to state the wrongs that a certain people suffer and I'm going to be able to motivate people. Change things? Start making the problem aware so that other caring people converge together to get a large enough movement to change things.

    As far as I can understand, the arguments of the before mentioned Xanga entry is that obese people don't deserve the same respect as others because

    • It's unhealthy
    • That being obese should be normalized is a travesty worth a busted blood vessel
    • There's no reason to be obese and therefore any explanation there after is an excuse

    Well, for one, a lot of health concerns are valid when it comes to being obese. There are those who are very actively fit, qualify as healthy as far as stats go - and still are massively overweight. I remember reading an article where a person constantly exercised yet didn't decrease in size - and was called a fat ass as they rode pass a restaurant on their bicycle.

    Alright, fine, you seem to think it unhealthy? I ask you if there would be the same type of outcry for someone who happened to be thin and yet have high cholesterol. Would we, as complete strangers to this person, demand that they become more healthy because their unhealthy habits disgust us?

    To be honest? I think the complaint stems from the fact that for many it just comes from that they don't like the visual. It doesn't agree with them - so change it. And yet - once again to be honest, I cannot how a personal choice like weight (for those who just don't exercise and happen to weigh a lot) seems to give you the idea that you can tell a person whether or not they should be it. Once again from some article I read, the writer had been getting stuff for a party and another woman just walked up to her and started putting the stuff back on the shelf from her hands, saying, "This stuff really isn't good for you." What?? Where do you think you get the right? Why do you get the specialized freedom to usurp my own autonomy in this pluralistic society?

    Alright, once again, I probably haven't convinced you. So let me put it this way - would you take personal action towards another person and treat them differently for having piercings or for the way they dress? It may be a generational thing for me, but I grew up with that. Wearing all black or having a tattoo was a normal thing for me - though just a generation back, they would find it unacceptable. They would have treated the person differently. Far too many conversations I've had to have with my mother over not thinking of a boy as utter dirt for simply having long hair; oh, what a crime, no? I would like to think that most of us would find that ridiculous just for what clothing a person wears.

    So how is that so different than the obesity of another person? Well, the thing that made the difference for those before mentioned groups was that the number of people who also did that or didn't mind it or found people with those traits appealing became more visible, more in number.

    And, believe it or not, there are those who find "big women" attractive.
    before
    Is that still not enough to convince you why these ideas and behaviors toward the obese should be dropped? How about the effect it has on people, on our way of thinking?

    I'm sure you've heard it before - we place too much on appearance (which is really far more complex than just what we weigh), etc. etc. blah blah blah. I'll save you it.

    Instead, I'll introduce my sister Natasha. Natasha is 13-years-old. She's in eighth grade. She's got the usual worries - school, our mother, doing your daily tasks. Natasha also thinks she's fat; you see, she has large legs.

    She spent most of this summer using my laptop's camera so she could take photos of herself for Facebook, making sure she got the right one just to make sure she has the right one. She wants to wear make up to beautify herself. She's been asked out by two boys just last year. And she happens to think she's ugly.

    Have a sibling or someone you care about that you'd do anything for? Imagine my emotions as she's telling me she feels she's overweight.

    Honestly, I think the issue goes further than just weight, as I've said and explained many times on here, but is it so bad that someone who you might not find attractive be thought of as alright? Hell, maybe even attractive?

    Because the right thing would be to just not care. Instead, we demand to say that being overweight is ugly. But then it goes beyond that, into what we joke about and how we think and what our pop culture centers around and so much, much more. Or is Natasha's visions of how important her self worth is tied to her being photogenic not enough to convince you. For as superficial as my mom is, she always said Natasha was beautiful.

    And I could end it there. But notice how the focus is away from the subject? It's on the girl who actually happens to not be obese. It allows you to sympathize because it doesn't cross the line of what so many seem to not want to hear.

    And I'd like to say it's just the posters who happen to put forth these ideas, but I look down the comments and see far too many agreements.

    Why is it so difficult for us to hear about people who we have no tie to, no need to defend, and still find that we should?
    I should not have to listen to people trivialize rape.
    I should not have to defend the equality of the female sex to the male sex.
    I should not have to listen to people call anorexics selfish.
    I should not have to do the same for those who self-injure.

    These are things that should be second nature to us people! Call it being politically correct, call it being sensitive, I don't care. It's not something I should have to defend. There are so many bigger issues to fight. When is the last time you've been taught in school (in your health class, for starters) about self-injury? When is the last time you heard of a teacher stopping a student for saying a self-harm joke?

    Those are the battles we should be fighting. I should not be having to deal with finding a comment on Facebook saying that they think that "cutters" do it for attention. To be honest, that type of ignorance shocks me because even when I made self-injury jokes back in 7th grade, no one had to explain to me the gravety or seriousness of that situation. When I noticed that 10 or so people below in the thread agreed with him - it scared me.

    I mean, is it just me? Hearing something like that angers me. Such apathy infuriates me.

    So what voice does it take to grab someone's attention? Is indignant preaching grating? How about a personal story from my perspective about someone I know and the pain it caused me? Is reason and logical points enough? Or does it have to relate back to you; "what does it do for you"?

    Despite my own tone in this piece, I honestly don't know. But I can only operate under what's wrong. I honestly don't know how else to try to rally people without feeling dirty in the end (and if I have to coach a human rights concept in terms of advertising, I will feel just absolutely filthy). There are a good many passionate enough people on Xanga and (I'd imagine) the world; I'll let them make their own decisions. I pray that's enough.

     

     

    Beautiful

  • Race, Sex, Sexual Orientation - An Intelligent Assessment of Controversy

    m204757259

     

     

    This is NOT the past.

     

    We, in America, do not teach about marginalized groups in an appropriate way.

    The general conception is we've to treat everyone equally and fairly and everything is solved. Everyone gets along happily and everything is fixed.

    As idealistic as this mindset is, it is not adequate to truly understand marginalization.

    The first issue we run up against is the way that racism is thought of. I read once somewhere that a man visited high schools and found that black and white students consistently talked past each other on terms of race. The white students see racism as discriminatory actions towards others while the black students see racism often as institutional.

    And there is our first problem. I'll give you a hint: it's not that the students see racism in different terms.

    The man observing these students makes the claim that the black students see racism one way and the white students another. Ignoring that this binary excludes every other possible race, it makes the mistake of claiming that a certain way of thinking belongs to each race. Not only is this statement momentary and will likely change as time passes (not to mention it is a generalization), it doesn't get at why this is the current way these two races view racism.

    Frantz Fanon put out the fantastic argument that systems create racism. Trying to fight racism as actions and opinions is futile because these opinions and views of people will continually be created by the systems in society. Destroy the systems, destroy racism. While I don't entirely agree with this paraphrased version of Fanon, it gets at a point. For example:

    Some of the school systems in Chicago are based on (either) a tax system or where the student is living, with each place having a different level of taxes needing to be payed (I can't entirely remember). However, the other drawback is that the schools that receive students from low-tax areas are also poorer in quality. That means the ability to move up in society is greatly reduced. Combination of lower education and poverty (and all the frustration that goes with poverty)? Higher criminal rate and antisocial and -cultural habits within the people. And, as you might've guessed, the majority of people located in these areas are minorities.
    This system creates people who act out a role which allows the solidification of racism.

    And think about it - don't the stereotypes about blacks include poverty, living in a ghetto, being uneducated, and acting unruly? It's important to remember that this system originated in our nation's racist housing situation starting in the 50s (I won't take the time to explain that one here; I'll just take it on faith that your education in life has covered that part of history).

    Of course, you could object - that's not a racist institution. It's discriminatory, sure, but along class lines, not race. It was started by racist intentions, sure - but it's motivated by a monetary situation now. Switch out the blacks for any other race or put a mix of races there and you get the same situation. And, for the most part, I would agree. I actually do take the mainstream opinion that race is based upon the actions people take and views people hold. Racist institutions and groups can be formed, but whether that depends upon the group trying to promote racist ends (KKK) or it only requires a system to be founded with originally racist intentions in mind (the previous Chicago example) is not an important debate.

    Fine, don't fight it on arguments of racism. It's still a poor system that needs to be reformed. However, we must understand all of this I've just explained to understand why certain racial groups may argue about racism and the changes necessary to combat it in the way that they do.

    Which brings us nicely to Affirmative Action. I right now admit I don't believe I know enough about AA to speak wholly intelligently on it. I already know there are different forms of Affirmative Action; and it doesn't work quite like it is generally portrayed in the mainstream (you're black? Get a full ride for college!). Actually, GodlessLiberal did a well done post on AA quite a while back (if you happen to meander over, check out how the guy's been doing; he's been fading in and out of Xanga for a bit now). To summarize, he argued that AA should be based upon class rather than race (again, I stress, I do not fully understand the ways AA works. I'm assuming that GodlessLiberal's descriptions of it are correct. His serves as a good example, regardless, because of the lesson in perspective learned from it). I agree with his argument. This makes sense. However, if AA is based on race in implementation, we have to see why.

    Arguing against a staunch black AA defender that AA is an unfair system will not win the person over. As far as they're concerned, you're simply arguing for further suffering in a system that specifically picks out blacks economically. AA should reverse the inherent racism of the system that holds most blacks back. However, as we've already discussed (at least in this specific example of economic injustice situated in Chicago), the system is not racially motivated (though, even in millions of years, with no change to the system, it's unlikely any large amount of blacks will break from this system in a way that will reduce the number of blacks caught in the system. The most likely difference would be to add and trap other races in this system). The argument really should be that the system is abolished, thereby allowing equal economic opportunities, regardless of race.

    All that I've just said? That's the amount of unsaid material that happens in our current discussions on race. Now, I'm not entirely sure what types of systems may exist out there for other marginalized groups and how they may work off the top of my head. Since discussions of race and racism are so large and plentiful in our country, however, it's the easiest example. But this is only one side of the coin (if you've made it this far, I'm impressed; we need more people like you who are willing to adapt their mindsets).

    Two topics related to each other, this side of the coin is split in half. The first half is representation.

    Often, marginal groups will bring up issues that the majority of the country rolls their eyes at and don't understand the fuss over it. The perspective of the marginal group is lacking. You cannot just apply a veil over everyone and expect to treat and see them all the same. As much as I'd like that (and I do agree with the mainstream again and believe that is the goal), reality keeps us from doing so.

    The history of marginalized groups is important and must be taught - because it does inform the present. It explains why things are the way they are (think of the Chicago example above).

    Last week, there was an article on the front page that questioned whether Miley's possible use of the word Gay as an insult is offensive or not. Hell, why is it even important? Same question we've heard many times before. And it's here that the picture above draws relevance as well: defamation, ignominy, contempt.

    There's a reason why when an artform first created and performed by a marginalized group is taken in and performed by the mainstream and majority, some get angry. The artform was born out of struggle and persecution. Its history is often erased. The representation of your suffering is gone.

    "That's so gay!"

    Around the world, millions of 15-year-old boys and girls will be told they don't exist. And one of the few non-offensive words (faggot, lesbo, pederast, etc.) that they have to define themselves has been reduced to a mere petty insult. When you spend most of your life growing up being told that you're a fad or a phase and that you really can't be gay, this trivialization is more than just a changing of the meaning of a word and insulting to the very personage.

    I AM A MAN; I exist: do not deny me.

    The other half of this side of the coin is how we view marginal groups. I'll use myself as an example.

    I was raised in the suburbs. As a result, most of my tastes, interests, and what I think was formed by what is generally mainstream society. I consider myself a goth, identifying with the sub-culture. I love rap, writing some of my own as well. Reasonable Doubt by Jay-Z is, to me, one of the best albums ever. I was pretty much raised on Bruce Springsteen. Around high school I discovered Black Sabbath - and fell in love. Most of Freshman to Junior year, actually was stuck somewhere between Atreyu, Slipknot, and Cradle of Filth.I consider myself a nerd, loving video games and the such. My ethnicity is German, Haitian, Spanish, Polish, French, English, Scottish, and American. I grew up eating almost always Haitian food. I was raised Catholic and still piously practice Catholicism.

    I don't think I need to be the one to tell you that you could racialize pretty much every single one of those descriptions. But, in that context, some of them seem to contradict each other.

    The mainstream (and when I say that this time, I mean the intelligent faction that doesn't make generalized statements about particular races (I'm sure you could think of plenty race jokes for examples)), for the most part, holds the view that race is not attached to culture. As just seen, I'm a decent example of the types of cultural influence that may affect a person.

    I actually don't even have a racial identity. I don't see myself in terms of race. Sure, I'm aware that I'm a mixed child. I'm aware that most view me as "black" and that sometimes I'm confused for being mostly Hispanic (or other nationalities). But I don't see race in terms of culture. That makes no sense to me. I recognize my heritage (as listed above) and the cultures associated with each respective culture, and I identify as American and with the American culture. Again, I don't have a racial identity. I would actually argue that race is a socially constructed mechanism for labeling others.

    Alright then, why the Black Panthers? Why Afro-centric movements? Why a Latino culture? I remember finding a personal opinion someone had put into Wikipedia under the Harlem Renaissance that both offended me and put the answer quite clearly. Towards the end of the entry on the Harlem Renaissance it's explaining the goals of the movement, particularly in terms of the New Negro and trying to create a unique black culture that would legitimize blacks on the same level as whites of that era. The person who wrote the entry finishes it off with, "But the positive implications of American nativity have never been fully appreciated by them. It seems too simple: the African-American's history and culture is American, more completely so than most other ethnic groups within the United States."

    Because the positive implications of American nativity was blatantly clear (or not at all possibly offensive at the time) in contrast to slavery, Jim Crow South, and continual prejudice on many levels from other Americans.

    Why might the writer of that quoted statement not understand a refusal of the mainstream culture by blacks?

    I believe cultures evolve out of an isolation of specific people (whether voluntary or involuntary) and the creation of rituals, ideals, etc. out of that isolation. America has isolated blacks for years. That is why there is such a thing as a Black Culture.

    For those who want that race-blind view, that is problematic. I remember my mother bringing home an Ebony magazine one time. I tried reading the first few pages and stopped. It was too weird. As I said before, I have no racial identity. Having something have meaning out of the concept of being a person of color, as a form of identity, is just weird to me. I wouldn't fit too well into all of current black culture.

    But why do these cultures exist? Why might what is considered specific attributes to "blackness" be extolled?

    In the case of our example of blacks in America, because of previous prejudice. There would be no Black Panthers if not for prejudice.

    And (this is important to understand for those who honestly do believe in a color-blind view of humanity) we cannot simply expect blacks in America to join back into the mainstream culture. For one, they have probably been raised in a different culture most of their lives. Further, racism still exists in America (as we all well know) or, at least, institutions which continue the creation of racism do. These alternate cultures built along the lines of race came into existance due to something. Finally, harking back to the concept of representation - often the mainstream portrays blacks poorly on a consistent basis or doesn't portray them at all (and, yes, that is direly important).

    Now, I'm of one of the mainstream opinions. I believe in treating people in a color blind fashion. I believe in associating the culture of a person not with what "race" they are but simply by which culture the person says they identify with (the notion of someone of Korean ethnicity partaking entirely in Irish culture isn't as impossible as some would have us believe, especially if the person was adopted by Irish parents when they were just a baby).

    However - this is not realistic in terms of our world. Many people don't see themselves simply as people and identify heavily and strongly with concepts of "race" - for a multitude of reasons which we would do well to know. And while I would argue that the eventual goal is to see marginalized people as simply people rather than in terms of what caused them to marginalized (for example, think of how we see brunettes as people despite a characteristic which does set them apart from others), the history of the marginalized group and what it means is direly important in terms of giving the proper respect to a marginalized group - and understanding that group. In trying to view the world entirely as the same, it often erases the past of marginalized groups and that past does inform the future. A "insert group here"-blind viewing means that equal representation isn't necessary - and in this world, right now, that often means a mainstream dominated by the majority with mindsets thinking that is how the world is. And for many who probably aren't racist, sexist, sexualist, etc. they will still subconsciously think of their world in terms of the majority. I'll save you further examples; I'm sure you can think of others on your own.

    I've said twice on here before that race relations in this country were heading toward a complete train crash. I take that back now. We are so talking past each other on issues of race that we couldn't possibly hit, even if we wanted to. Everyone has these different concepts of marginalized groups, for a variety of reasons, and they only understand their own beliefs. Only once we get on the same footing of understanding can we move forward (though quite difficultly) in addressing these issues.

     

     

    ***note: you'll notice that most of this addresses race (and only in terms of black and white) and touches on sexuality while biological sex (and any other groups) isn't addressed at all. The largest reason for the large focus on race is because of the great attention it has received in our country and, therefore, the familiarity of knowledge with it by most Americans.

    This post also makes some pretty generalizing statements and those statements must be understood fluidly for marginalized groups to be fully understood (for nothing stays stagnate). For example, gays and women have less of any type of culture outside the mainstream because they have had less isolation from the majority than those of different races. Another example is that if the concept of looking at everyone as being equal and the same does eventually someday come to fruitation, these concepts will likely become obsolete or must be thought of differently. That day is far, far, far, far off - but we cannot allow our thinking and understanding of concepts to become mired.

    Also, the title is an allusion to this Xanga post: http://www.mancouch.com/716194723/race-sex-sexual-orientation-and-abortion/

  • z196307299

  • I can't seem to find a source online for the script of the original movie, so I'll have to recite it best as I can from memory.

    The scene is a pool, with three women sitting together. One of the women is average size, the other is a "little" bigger than average, and the last one has a body that most women (who care greatly about their body shape) would probably kill to have.

    For the sake of easy clarity, I shall refer to the first woman as A, the second as B, and the third as S.

    As the women are talking, they happen to notice some Africans (three, I believe) at the pool as well (Nigerians, I think).

    The men notice the women and walk over to them (I think the third one shows up mid-conversation, so it's 2 men approaching three women).

    B, used to not being noticed, immediately looks down rejected, particularly since S, used to attention, immediately starts showing off her body.

    The men, however, aren't interested in S. They try to start conversing with B, but S butts in. I remember at one point, she remarks (thinking the men are interested in her body, which she is fully prostituting for free by now, as much of a contradiction as that is), "You like what you see?"

    It seems, at least the message that this movie was trying to convey, that Nigerians like bigger women. Therefore, the hierarchy that the U. S. has established is reversed - the skinny woman is given looks of oddity and passed over in favor of the more appealing woman on the scene.

    At some point, the third Nigerian comes back to catch up with his friends, notices S and remarks in one of the native languages of Nigeria, "What is wrong with her? Is she sick??"

    I've never seen the movie in full, but I will forever adore it for that scene alone.

    I came across these two articles while looking for the movie. I would definitely suggest checking them out. I need to watch some of the movie mentioned in them at some point.

    Nobody Loves a Fat Woman On Film

    Take Any Shape But That: Fat Men On Film

  • As November 22ᵑᵈ of this year steadily creeps closer, I have to remind myself that I'll no longer be a teenager. And, while I understand there's a level of ridiculous to this thought, I can't help but feel like Harvey Milk in that I'll be 20 years and I haven't done a thing.

    Part of this comes from the school of thought I originate from. Probably unfortunately, my childhood was marked by trying to avoid "thought corruption" by my elders and keeping as far from suicide as my depression-riddled body was able - and trying to keep all others I knew from this as well.

    In a quantity and consistency that's really rather frightening, most of everyone my age I knew, regardless of place of residency, had parents which weren't exactly healthy for their wellbeing. And, to the well-rounded extent that I'm leaning towards thinking it was a generational thing that we all shared, issues like depression, parental abuse, drug-use to cope with these issues, self-injury, and suicide ended up being recurrent trends.

    Enough so that I've continually tried to make this a rallying point for us. Because we all seemed to've experienced it in some fashion, our goals and beliefs would end up being similar by having to form around these issues.

    I'm continually inspired by and feel kin to the radical and progressive movements - while, in some ways, radically different. I, admittedly, am rather critical of the radical movements of the 60s/70s. Plus, I take quite to heart the Gandhi saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." I might not be able to lead large protest movements or marches, yet I can control my day to day actions. It amazes me how badly my beard seems to just flat out bother people (something which ought to make them question why, yet I doubt they will); sure, no one will probably ever agree with my opinions on our physical being - but that doesn't mean I'm going to alter how I react and view it. This, to me, is a form of radicalism.

    And yet...it all feels so minimal in the end.

    By God, what have I done? There's tons of kids still being abused out there, still viewing suicide as a primary option and still in need of help. Those who I've actually persuaded away from suicide probably could've gone through those multiple times with me not there and would still be alive today. And too many of those I've continually helped all these years seem more content to repeat their mistakes than make any actual corrections (unfortunately, I couldn't have been their parents to begin with to make sure they got the proper, healthy raising they deserved).

    And, more than anything, they've chosen to remain separated, living out their own lives as best they can instead. Which, honestly, I can't blame them for. I've resided to apathy far more than I'd like to admit in my own life. At the end of it all, just surviving should be enough to brag about.

    And yet...fuck, I want revolution, damn it. I want change, I want groups aligning for a common cause and purpose. Or, if not that, choosing those small things we can do everyday that run counter to societal expectations (http://thirst2.xanga.com/701294403/item/) and more people doing it. I would love to have a bunch of writers get apartments together or next to each other to discuss fiction and literature in the same fashion of thought as the Beatniks or the Inklings (Kaz and Kari, I have you closest to mind there). Or simply having hour long discussions on a regular basis with people about the little of things dealing with philosophy, morality, the state of society and life, etc. etc. etc. (that I did this with Allison nearly every day of 2 summers ago only continues to amaze me the more and more it dawns on me - a feat like that is not likely to happen again with a person).

    Yet I'm left with this feeling in my stomach that we just drift through each day. We don't expand our thinking, dream forward, and connect with each other (locally or on a grander scale) - we just try to survive. Which, again, I can hardly grudge anyone for. As a child of depression, I can hardly spurn so noble a goal (does it twist anyone else's guts at the truth of that statement?) in contempt at anyone. Feeling normal is too difficult a task to call it just, really (I actually should do another post on that subject alone sometime).

    And yet...I hate to call it apathy, but it gives me that feeling. I feel like even I can call myself guilty of not doing any of the above (beyond myself) - or certainly, at least, not propagating the above beyond myself.

    I mean, there are ideas and ideals that should be sprung into the world for testing, challenging, and ironing out - yet I feel that, were I to pass now, anything I've thought out and created, as far as thought goes, would not be remembered beyond those who were close to me, nor necessarily well except by a small, small group. They would have little influence, at all. There are people out there who could use help, structuring, getting on their feet to grow on their own as a result of poor raising (for a variety of reasons) and yet I feel nothing changes, or I can't reach others (then again, who knows what difference it might make). I mean, remove me from the stretch of time, and does the terrain of people's lives change all that much (and I mean would where they are now be all that much different; not by the usual changes in the facts of a person life that is bound to happen when you remove a person they knew from their lives; and I don't mean would they miss me - if you removed me, would they be happier, sadder (because life is worse), dead, sick, etc. etc. etc.)?

    I'm reaching 20 years old and I feel I've done so damn little with my life.

    And with a rate like that, I don't see much changing, or able to change, in the future.

  • The sea is calm to-night.
    The tide is full, the moon lies fair
    Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
    Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand;
    Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
    Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
    Only, from the long line of spray
    Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
    Listen! you hear the grating roar
    Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
    At their return, up the high strand,
    Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
    With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
    The eternal note of sadness in.

    Sophocles long ago
    Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought
    Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
    Of human misery; we
    Find also in the sound a thought,
    Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

    The Sea of Faith
    Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
    Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
    But now I only hear
    Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
    Retreating, to the breath
    Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
    And naked shingles of the world.

    Ah, love, let us be true
    To one another! for the world, which seems
    To lie before us like a land of dreams,
    So various, so beautiful, so new,
    Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
    Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
    And we are here as on a darkling plain
    Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
    Where ignorant armies clash by night.

     

     

    Life is complicated in so many ways. We try to make slogans and answers for life's problems and think up black and white ways to play it out but experience seems to be the only thing which makes thinks appear black and white - and, of course, you couldn't possibly know that beforehand (bit of a sadistic set up, really).

    In all honesty (I don't remember when it started), life doesn't make much sense to me. And, of course, there isn't an entirely clear way to describe that. We might say we live life for purpose - doing things. Yet everything I do seems to give me a high before dropping me. Is that what life was meant to be? Heh, why wouldn't I be surprised? I enjoy and love helping people - but I stop and I don't know what to do with myself. Having depression, of course, never helps anything. I stay up 'til 4 because it's only then I feel normal and like I have purpose and reason and am actually doing something. Is that normal? I feel like when you have something joyfully screwing around with the chemicals which govern your emotions, you can't look at life with a clear eye.

    If you can't tell by now, I love literature. I think we can learn so much from it. Understand - when I create a layout utilizing the imagry and telling ability of a photo, music, and (most importantly) quotes, it's because I honest to God feel by taking all this in and reading into and out of it and processing it and wringing it dry of all the secrets it may hold will give you Truth.

    But there it is again - I'm observing. I like going to parks, busy or empty, and enjoying the weather, listening to music. I'm observing. When I'm writing, I'm philosophizing (the art itself is breath-taking) - but I'm once again observing.

    I don't know what I feel I'm missing but I feel like all of this has something sickingly lacking from it all. One might sum up my entire life that way.

    Life shouldn't just be the gribbing and gleaning parts of a story - life is brushing our teeth, eating, farting, sleeping, and every other thing we choose to think too unimportant to include when we think of it. So then what? Am I to revel in every one of those moments? At least acknowledge them? I doubt that'll remove this persistant feeling.

    There's a lot people won't tell you. They won't tell you how big of a difference 18 years will make on your life. They don't tell you that life is meant to be learned - don't think of it as some damn goal. Embrace it and consider every waking present moment as the time you're in - ignore the future and remember the past (but don't live in it).

    The future? It'll come. And it'll come as you want because, 5 years from now, it's not going to matter you humiliated yourself - during that day, you'll know how not to humiliate yourself. Better yet, you'll probably have a steady and stable social network and life'll  be better.

    Live life to LEARN.

    We're all learning, taking in. Our experiences are what make us. And, as hard and difficult it is to wrap our heads around with the way we've been taught, life is a journey. And not all of us are at the same place in ours. What someone is now may not be who they are later in life. And that future person is no less important (though that doesn't mean we should slack expectations of the present person).

    What am I doing with my life?

    I - don't - know.

    I'm pursuing a profession that banks entirely on my success for my survival (considering my lack of confidence in myself and my own admitted laziness, this should be interesting).

    I'm a person who needs continual re-affirmation for me to believe in and not doubt something in a world that hates repeating itself.

    I'm an individual who is satisfied if able only to make a difference in one small way in one person's life - and while that belief in the importance of every little actions is great and needed, it draws the eyes away from the bigger plots and ideas. Oh, they didn't tell you? Being counter-revolutionary in the world often runs the possible consequence of getting crushed by everyone going the opposite direction.

    And, as a final thought and wonder, is there anyone who utterly (or, I guess, adequately) knows me?

    Once again, I find myself drifting. And, while I dislike this idea of just going along and enjoying the things you pass by, I have no other answers.

    It's odd how life can down you and interest and excite you so much at the same time.

     

    I occassionally wonder what people will think of me when I go (you know, to wherever we go when we die). Will they be inspired by my ideas? I'd find it ironic, considering my own belief in a lack of answers. Will they hate me? I'm sure there must be at least one. Will they think me misguided, a zealous believer in things which made no sense and, thus, acted childishly about them? Will they find me no more special than the next? Will I stand out in their mind when they remember me? Will they mourn me? How much and for how long? Will they think of me as always trying to do best? Did I? I hate when I have more questions than answers.

     

     

    And, on a completely off, random, and unrelated note (well, mostly), anyone know how I might better advertise http://www.accept.co.nr/? I'm out of ideas (leastwise, none that don't end up costing more than I'm willing to spend) and I think the issue still is just not enough traffic. Then again, maybe people just don't care about the idea. I dunno.

     

    Senc' kjût c'ievb'asy - ævû i xnâ åkâ ut j lèy.