Music

  • So, I've mentioned many (many) times on here, often in (sometimes snide) off-handed remarks, that I think very (very) highly of the album Reasonable Doubt by Jay-Z. The natural follow up question would be, "Why?"

    If you even remotely know me, you'll know that I often and readily complain about pop music. While I think there can be decent arguments made in defense of it (and the stuff often makes fantastic character studies, as you'll see soon enough), I think most of it (if not all of it) is the industry and often artists trying to cash in on a quick buck. This is particular true for rap music. For a genre that was born out of the really screwed up black experience starting back towards the 70s, it was not a genre that should have gone commercial so soon.

    While Rock 'n' Roll (amongst other genres) were able to articulate (initially) uncomfortable human experiences and taboo emotions in a relatively safe, artistically healthy, and (often) sane way, rap has taken all the gritty and uncomfortable aspects of (majoridly) black life in America - you could make an argument for just referring to it as urban life these days, though that notion steals away some importance from the origins of what birthed this monstrosity - for the past 4 decades and blasts it in defiance, realized it can capitalize off of it, and, in a mix of the mentality of getting out any way you can and honest gusto, twisted and convoluted the stereotypes that came to frame the genre and cemented them. Again, fascinating to study, not so good in terms of being an art-form.

    That's why something life "Airplanes" by B.o.B. feat. Haylay Williams or even "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars (even though the honest reciting of the mental effect of being starved of monetary value on the latter song does honestly annoy the Hell out of me) are welcome changes to the scene of rap. After all, the genre was built off of sampling music.

    To quote No Good Advice, "after all, techno was invented by escapist black kids in Detroit who were obsessed with Kraftwerk, and disco bands like Chic (as if the name wasn't enough of a clue) based their aesthetic on a Roxy Music-derived euro-penthouse cool a million miles removed from '70s funk. Disco evolved into house, and early hip-hop went from sampling Chic to assimilating European synthpop and inventing electro. Only in the late '80s did acts like Boogie Down Productions, Eric B & Rakim and Public Enemy transform hip-hop's sonic palette by dropping the more synthetic elements in favour of samples from pre-disco funk, particularly James Brown."

    That rap might sample rock or use rock influences only recalls back the (rather thin and in the past) connection they have from being birthed out of the conglomerate of many jazz influenced genres, of which include funk (Jimi Hendrix, anyone?).

    However, as No Good Advice also (rather well) points out both here and here, recent pandering to both rock and Euro-pop/dance influences seem to be, once again, intents to just sell as much as possible and appeal to as large an audience as possible. I've considered, quite seriously, of using the phrase Artistry is Dead for the past decade. Leastwise, it seems, when it comes to commercial rap.

    There's a reason some rap-heads get caught in a certain time frame. In the 90s, they were complaining that rap had died and it should go back to the 70s/early 80s. The entire past decade, we've wondered what happened to Hip Hop's golden age and why we can't go back to the 90s.

    And, admittedly, rap for me still is turn-tablism/sampling and lyricism (flow, wordplay, and rhyme) - gritty production and sparse sampling. But the sampling has changed; that's fine, even to be expected. I don't want to mire the genre. Better production or sampling outside of jazz/funk is not going to make me say that it isn't Hip Hop or bad rap. But, while the production towards the end of this decade has shot utterly up in quality (it had to - that's how they sell), I have yet to get any decent lyricism. Leastwise, not to an astounding extent. And, I mean, the production has been good. Kanye almost never ceases to amaze on that end and, while I dislike the song, the production on "What You Say" by Jason Derulo is enough to make my legs go weak.

    But, I'm a Hip Hop purist. I want lyrics. I grew up off of underground Detroit rap. I grew up listening to freestyles done in random radio studios in low-lo-def quality. I've listened, readily, to tracks with so much noise that you can barely make out the mc.

    At the end of the day, I breath lyricism. Often times, a track (that has a heavy beat/percussion) without sufficient rap over it won't cut it for me. I almost wanted to personally thank Kanye at the beginning of "Good Morning" because he had finally used multi-syllabic rhyme out of all the songs I had listened to of him at the time (it was like, "Please, do something relatively lyrical!!").

    As you might guess, I love the Hip Hop culture (and how rap fits into that). But I'm not above calling out its flaws. That's part of the reason I do find myself often looking for alternative rap. I just want good rap, even if that rap has ventured into new places so that only the roots are still present (much like jazz and funk did with the blues, only less so).

    So, while I love 90s rap...I can't just straight up say that it's satisfying.

    "Juicy" by the Notorious B. I. G. is a great song...but ultimately it's the basic rags to riches story. Admittedly, I love (rather guiltily) "Got a Story to Tell" and it's a fantastic demonstration of a minimalist beat and the power of story telling and delivery in rap. But it also furthers the black-on-black harm so prevalent (and socially ingrained) in the black community and the way that it continually diverts attention away from the real problems that could be dealt with.

    "N. Y. State of Mind" offers one of the best phrases out of rap (I still have a hard time thinking it's not some common saying made up a longer time ago) - I never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death. Plus "Never put me in your box if your shit eats taps" remains one of my favorite (and best delivered) punchlines ever. Not to mention the production is defining, iconic, and to die for. But beyond that...damn it, I just can't get into this song. The description of the shoot out always seemed corny to me and the album as a whole doesn't seem to tell me anything or give me any useful character insight. It's a vague description of a poorly defined immature youth that doesn't give me any sympathy for him. Maybe they were right in that you couldn't understand it unless you lived it - but I still don't see how that's not a flaw in the album.

    Sure, "Dear Mama" by 2Pac is a touching song. But this is also the same guy who proclaimed so loudly "M.O.B. - Money Over Bitches 'cause they breath envy" along with many other equally questionable lyrics.

    And, yes, The Chronic articulated the culture at a time when no one was listening - it's lyrics are still utterly ugly.

    Now, I'm being cursory. I've never believed in so black and white of arguments. But, for being cursory, this is accurate (of the stuff I've mentioned). Hip Hop had an amazing ability to bring out important aspects - without ever resolutely dealing with them. My brother recently showed me rapgenius.com. And it actually has had me gain slight more respect for artists such as Lil' Wayne. But I still stand by my previous statement.

     

    So...why Reasonable Doubt? It's the only album that provides lyricism and a greater sense of subject mater that resolutely deals with itself rather than seeming to be a spewing of streaming consciousness laid out on a track.

    Not to say that hasn't been done before. "Somebody's Gotta Die" by Biggie is a perfect song, as far as I'm concerned. While not necessarily preachy or with a sense of preaching, it details the situation with realism (and beautiful story telling) while keeping the cold facts of reality in the picture (i.e. yes, violence opens up many possibilities and opportunities - but you're not the only one living in this world and others will be affected); this was what seemed to have fallen out of the picture on "Niggas Bleed".

    Which isn't to say Reasonable Doubt is a perfect album either. Admittedly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around how Jay ever though "Cashmere Thoughts" ever fit on an album about hustling. Yet, outside of two songs, Reasonable Doubt presents an album that acutely focuses around a topic and, through the tracks, examines and assesses this topic through what seems like a very solid and singular character. It's a fascinating personality study that has so many aspects that seem so utterly intended  so aware that I have a hard time thinking that much of this album could have been done on accident. And, really, this is mostly clearly illustrated on "Feelin' It".

     

    "Feelin' It" is the track I give to people who I want to hook into the album (or just rap in general). Backed by the smoothest piano loop possibly ever, it sounds just gorgeous and catchy, complimented by a hook by Mecca that just tops it off. It's a clear demonstration of sampling back in the 90s and the essential origin of rap, yet it doesn't have the still blatant evident sound that it is only one piano snippet looped over and over (unlike "D'evils", which sounds like it was picked freshly off a record, with the scratching and all). In fact, for the longest time, I even thought it had accompaniment melodies until I really listened to it. Yet it's not as seamless and complex as "Can I Live". Beautiful Hip Hop still evident, from a purely physical level.

    And, with such an instrumental, it sounds like it should be nothing but bragging. Rather foolishly, on my review of Reasonable Doubt, I said that's all it was. It feels good, doing it's basic task really well. Not much wordplay, but the flow is righton (and incredibly hard to imitate). Plus his delivery, the enthusiasms in his voice, are all perfect. Not to mention it's some of the most intricate rhyme-wise that Jay ever gets. It does the job.

    How deceptive.

    Surely, it is bragging. It starts in the first bar, notably, "Crystals on ice; I like to toast, I keep on spilling it." The decadence is clear, as he actually brags about how tipsy he is. The most offensive line of the song comes with, "Transactions illegitimate 'cause life is still a bitch/And then you die - but for now, life, close your eyes and feel this dick..." Yet, his character is so firmly planted there. The delivery is perfect - he almost pulls it off so that it sounds like a classy and cool comeback.

    Admittedly, it's the addition of the alliterative, almost fast-paced rhyme that makes it so damn catchy. Just listen to this:

     

    Since diapers, had nothing to live for like them lifers but
    Making sure every nigga stay rich within my cipher
    We paid the price to circle us, success - they turned my mic up
    I'm about to hit these niggas with some shit that'll light they life up
    If every nigga in your clique is rich, your clique is rugged
    Nobody will fall cause everyone will be each others crutches

     

    On its own, it's not all too impressive. Admittedly, there's something to like about a confidence so large that you think you can enlighten another's life ("I'm about to hit these niggas with some shit that'll light they life up"). And the crutches line is barely ingenious, maybe a clever spur-of-the-moment quip. But backed with his delivery and the seductive rhyme, you can't help but enjoy it (I mean, listen to that rhyme! "that'll light they life up" Oh, that's so delicious...). Again, he has the gall to claim the ability to provide enlightenment ("I hope you fools choose to listen; I drop jewels, bust it/These are the rules I follow in my life: you gotta love it"). And then you can't help but smile at the last bar:

     

    Jiggy-jigga looking gully in the joint
    If y'all niggas ain't talking bout large money, what's the point?

     

    Even if it's just rhyming shit several times, the vocab and choice of words here is immaculate for every section of the verse. The use of gully and then the confident quip of confidence at the end continue to be addicting. Admittedly, this is well done bravado, artistically well done (even if not escaping the offenses that bravado can bring). It's not the blunt, often uninventive stuff you often hear now. There's definite talent being employed here.

    The second verse continues the absurd over-confidence with "Even if it ain't sunny - hey, I ain't complainin'/I'm in the rain, doing a buck 40, hydroplanin'" (I said to my brother once, and I repeat now, "hydroplaning"? Who rhymes that??).

    And almost as another blatant show of confidence, he pulls off using "shit" several times in a row on the ending, stressed rhyme:

     

    Ya feelin' it? To all the girls that bought a girdle to conceal my bricks
    No doubt, they can vouch, my life is real as shit
    95 South and Papi on the Hill and shit
    And all the towns like Cambridge that I killed with shit
    And all the thorough-ass niggas that I hustle with
    Throw your joints in the air one time and bust your shit
    These fake rappers can't really know I'm lovin' it; ya feelin' it?

     

    Yet notice that last line. They can't know that he's really loving it? Since when, once, in this song did he lead us to think otherwise? In fact, he's made it seem like the totally best thing in the world! From being able to drink Crystal until you can't stand up straight, to being as real as it gets with all the illegal activity - I thought he was living the life, right??

    Enter the third verse. Interestingly enough, of all things, he bring up his mother: "I keep it tight for all the nights my momma prayed I'd stop/Said she had dreams that snipers hit me with a fatal shot". Yet he brushes it off immediately with, "Those nightmares, ma..." And yet, he immediately contradicts his claims that there's no reason to worry with, "Those dreams that you say you've got - give me the chills/But these mils, well, they make me hot. Y'all feel me". But I don't think we do at this point. That statement of "Y'all feel me" sounds more like a weak attempt at reassurance.

    And notice that. For a character who was confidently telling us what to believe, what we should do in terms of him, he's now asking us for reassurance. It's not a demand anymore - it's seeking confirmation. His statement are no longer (really) rhetorical, though he might be trying to pass them off as such.

    And then the interesting line - "Enough to stop the illin', right?" I personally think he's referencing a desire to turn to drugs. Yet the connotation is clearly negative here. Illin' is now being used as a negative phrase, a desire for drugs, acknowledging that they hurt your body. And yet the irony is delightfully there - usually illin' is used as a slang for "killin' it" or something of that nature. Or you're "ill" if you have tons of money. But this line is immediately followed by "But at the same time these dimes keep me feelin' tight". Sounds a little confusing, right? He agrees. This is immediately followed by this almost diminished, "I'm so confused..."

    Wait, hold up? What happened to our ridiculously pompous and confident individual? The confidence is completely gone. The character is confused, backtracking over what he's said and retracting statement. If you want anymore evidence, look at the next bar: "Okay, I'm getting weeded now: I know I'm contradicting myself/Look, I don't need that now". He seems paranoid (which might make sense, seeing as that line is followed by: "It's just once in a blue moon when there's nothing to do...and/The tension gets too thick for my sober mind to cut through").

    When I first noticed this, it seemed far too important a distinction to let go. I mean, think about it. We're used to rap by now. We're used to the notion of bragging and saying you're the best. We're used to singles (this was a single when the album came out) being used to generate buzz and fitting a certain format. In fact, clearly Jay did, seeing as the clean (e.g. censored) version of the song actually has a completely different ending. Without spoiling too much in the next paragraph, let's just say that the fantasy he dreams about is presented as real in the clean version. And that's significant! Even he knows that won't sell. You have to be determined to put this in here and you have to be aware that you are completely undermining the very instrumental and hook that you're using.Are you feelin' it...I'm actually calling into question entirely what I've just bragged about. Umm, what? Most radio listeners don't like introspective (leastwise, not too much) characters. They want it nice and easy, black and white.

    But it gets better. After puffing some weed, Jay gets

     

    ...to zonin': me and this chick on the L and then we're bonin'
    I free my mind; sometimes I hear myself moanin'
    Take one more toke and I leave that weed alone, man
    It's got me goin'! Shit...

     

    Whoa. Did he just admit to masturbating to himself while high? Mr. "hit these niggas with some shit that'll light they life up"? I don't think that's what they had in mind, Jay.

    And that's the beauty of the track. It builds up this overly confident, borderline unlikable character - just to utterly rip him down. That's the life? Masturbating in your room alone, dreaming about a girl because of the stress? I particularly love (and, of course, his delivery of) the line, "I free my mind; sometimes I hear myself moanin'". It perfectly catches that emotion notion - that idea of accessing his own emotions. He frees his mind and sometimes he can hear himself moaning. It's an eerie image. But it notes that he's hiding from his own activity. And yet, that activity is the only recognition of his own feelings (when he's, otherwise, pretending life is just peachy for everyone else). He's hiding from it but at the same time he sounds like he's looking for it, trying to find it. It's ambivilent.

    And it's such miniscule details like that that make this track so delightful. And, in its own way, it captures it all. If you wanted a track which got at the reality of black life (in this case, hustling drugs), this is the type of track that does it well. That "feel this dick" line doesn't sound so harsh to our sensibilites because we know it's a cover up, a show. We're allowed the bravado while really getting to the inside of the character and understanding him, given the reality with the fiction.

     

    Complex, artistic, perfectly executed and well done, plus musically sound - THAT is what rap should be. Screw that commercial junk.

  •      Good God, it felt so much more full and fulfilling when it was empty.
         Kerianna stumbled down the stairs, partially due to the fact that it was 2 in the morning and she hadn't slept much the night before anyway, partially because of the impending crash she knew would come from downing 3 or 4 cans of Coke, and partially because the empty subway ensured that she didn't need to concern herself with possible embarrassment.
         Righting herself at the bottom, she curtly nodded to the sprawling graffiti that snaked and winded itself over the tiled couch it lay on. For whatever reason, it was always on the other side of the tracks. Scuffling her shoes on the concrete, she wondering why no one had bothered to paint on the immediate surface that made up the waiting station. But she supposed that authority had a way of making people do dangerous things. Lazily, she tottered over to the tracks for a closer look.
         Her parents never used to let her close to the edge that prefaced the rail when she was younger. Even at seven, she always thought the bigass yellow line would be evidence enough to stay away, but, apparently, they figured their daughter willing to throw herself onto the rail even then. Sitting down so that her legs dangled over, a bit of empathy for their situation crept up on her. Kerianna had always been small-statured; at the current moment, at 5 feet, she weighed 130 pounds, likely an easy task for the currents that cascaded through the thick steel below her.
         "Shit, motherfucker..." she muttered softly, rolling her fists into her eyes in an attempt to gouge them out. With any luck, she figured, she might be able to reach the source of her surging and ebbing headache through that entrance. At any rate, all it was reminding her of now was the pounding pop music in that dark and stuffy room she was at just 15 minutes ago. That and how she wished she had another can of Coke with her at the moment, even if it just fought back the grief for only so long.
         She glanced down at her favorite plaid (unbuttoned) button-up over the simple purple shirt she was wearing and regretted being too lazy to bother getting up from the dirty concrete, ruing already the musty smell they'd soak up. The jeans she could take, even if they were that rare dark, mellow blue that she could spend all day staring at. She sighed bitterly: she wasn't tired enough yet to forget that the button-up had been nicely ironed straight before she left for the party.
         She didn't blame the concrete, anyway. She liked the thick, rectangular pillars that enclosed her so familiarly. Or that dull reflection that fought to shine on the metal in a train, despite the flickering the bulb insisted on anyway. Happily she thought of the groggy struggle from a late trip that reminds you that this sack of flesh, bones, fat, and muscle is beating and that the smell of the gum, dirt, dust, and other miscillanious objects shoved in that crevice between the wall and where the window slides has a smell so acute that you can vividly have it invade your nostrils, if you want. Without even looking, she could run her hand along that metal wall and feel where others had attempted to cut some coherent message in, even there. And, of course, that satisfying hum and vibration of the train beating along the track, going forward in a determined and steady race, leaving behind the parents at the counter buying more pills for her persistent "head cold".
         She sighed in abject disgust as her hand fell into something wet and sticky that soaked a good portion of the couch cushion Kerianna had been planning to sit on. Rapidly wiping her left hand on her pants, she headed over to the cooler again for another Coke. Cramps and an unrelated mood swing was not the idea she had of a good time when she had decided to come. Not that staying home was a better option; all that was guarenteed from staying home was looking at pictures and icons that could hopefully provide an excuse for her being single and blasting Atreyu or Slipknot in an attempt to try to explain her current aggitation. She cut back a hiss after she jabbed her knee into the table, jostling the bowl of chips toward the edge slightly. Why make out on the floor when there was a perfectly good couch? The dull lights in the relatively small basement room along with the blaring Miley Cyrus was starting to get to her. She thought about going upstairs, for a change of scenery if for nothing else.
         Then again, on second thought, upstairs probably wouldn't have this boy next to the cooler, Kerianna noted, fishing out a can while attempting to descreetly look out of the corner of her eyes from time to time. He looks bored too, she nagged; she ripped out a can from the bottom of the cooler.
         Doing a 360°, she plopped down on the arm of the couch he sat on, working to open her can. "Great party, huh?" she asked, glancing down with a smirk. He chuckled, looking briefly around before glancing back at Kerianna.
         Her can open, she took a quick swig, wincing slightly from the sharp stap at the back of her throat as her leg stopped twitching. She glanced down at him again, and then crouched down to his ear, breathlessly staggering,
         "C'mon, let's get the fuck out of here. There are better places to breath."

    -------------------------------------

         "Why do you write?"
         "Why do I breath?"
         "To live?"
         "To not go insane."

    -------------------------------------

    On a completely unrelated note, Orla sounds so much better when she sings in a lower pitch, using (for her) an almost husky voice. Just listen to that emotion there:

    EDIT: Orla has, without notice or given reason, made the video private. I'm going to take her not responding to my question of why and if I could get an mp3 of the track as tacit approval to upload an mp3 here myself. 

  • I said on here once, a year or more back, that one of my all-time top songs was "Trouble In Paradise" by Bruce Springsteen. I then proceeded to post the lyrics and left it at that.

    So, I guess just because it's late and this song is literally festering itself into my veins and also because I usually never do a post that really opens up about me except rarely (or one of my very often vague or difficult-to-articulate complaints about depression), I'll explain it a bit more.

    I guess, principally, it's like many of the other things I adore - it's a conglomerate mess of contradictions (or, more specifically in its case, unexpectations) that shouldn't work and yet do, plus it's utterly just joyful in the pleasure it provides.

    First and foremost, as the title "Trouble In Paradise" seems to imply, it's not the most uplifting song. However, if you weren't paying attention, you would think quite the opposite. The music, while simplistic, is utterly infectious. It just sounds utterly quaint and upbeat. It's the type of song I'd put on if I were languidly cleaning or cooking something in the kitchen - and enjoying every minute of it. It's just bouncy and pleasant. Really, it has the same effect that "Frankie" does (which, honestly, is really difficult to describe unless you listen to it), though Frankie has a bit more of a complicated arrangement.

    And I suppose that's what adds to my liking it. I have a thing for quaint and small (metaphorically/symbolically (as in lowered expectations for art) or literally) things which literally have no flaw. For example, an EP which only has 7 tracks and every track is great musically and maybe brings you a little into a new world. It's not perfect: first and foremost, it doesn't try to be the utter best it can be. Yet it has no actual detractions. You can't say the music is bad, even if it's not better than it is. There are some interesting themes, even if they aren't explored completely or aren't expansive enough. It's quaint.

    The issue I have? I've become very picky and demanding in my art. I will certainly enjoy the piece. But it's not something I can show someone to fully experience the true power of art. If we're looking and aiming for the best - well, it's not it. It's the difference between the breath-taking experience of Reasonable Doubt vs. Straight From the Lab EP. So, I'm immediately pulled to the song. And that's another one of the wonderful contradictions I love about "Trouble In Paradise" - it's deceptively simple. Sure, the instrumentation (very much) is. But the themes (and, if you couldn't tell by now, the emotions it can evoke) aren't.

    So, while the song sounds catchily upbeat...well, the first bar and a half starts with:

     

    You do the drying
         I'll do the dishes...
    Who'll do the crying when all them wishes don't come true?

     

    Uplifting, yes? The song deals with relationships and the responsibilities therein. Yet, the lyrics are just as simplistic and quaint as the music as well as delightfully abstract. As you might glean from the bar and a half above, it starts with washing and drying dishes...and then talking about crying over unfulfilledwishes??? Yes, honey, I know I promised you a new washing machine, but we just can't afford one yet (because all wives want new home devices for doing chores at home - all women; silly feminists).

    No, rather the chores and jobs littered throughout the song ("You do the washing/I'll do the folding"/"You did the dusting/I did the sweeping") stand for basic jobs that might occur throughout a relationship (caring for the other person, being receptive, doing favors for them, etc.). Likewise, a series of similarly abstract disasters occur throughout the song:

     

    You do the washing
         I'll do the folding
    Whose heart is breaking when whose arms are holding someone new?

    Sittin' on a peaceful lakeside
    Didn't hear the roar of the waterfall come in
    When it's all a storybook story
    When it's all so easy and nice

    Here comes Trouble in Paradise

    [...]

    You did the driving - oh, and I did the sleeping a little too long

    On a picnic 'neath a sky so blue
    We didn't see the rain and heartache coming through
    When it's all a black and white movie
    And you're sure you've seen the ending twice

    Here comes Trouble in Paradise

     

    I just love the imagery. I remember, back in probably around middle school (kinda weird thinking it's actually been that long since I read it), I read this book. I would actually like to re-read it, if I ever I remembered what it's called. But, towards the end of it, in trying to convince this boy to come out and be social (his brother abused him for the longest time), she remarks that the movie is an old black-and-white where everything turns out alright in the end and life is good.

    And it's such a great symbol, in that light. Everything was fine and dandy, right? Just go on auto-pilot, fall into comfortable routines and things will proceed just fine? But no...you were sleeping too long, imbuing neglect. And the rain came down in showers. The language is, in essence, very simplistic - but I just love that vivid second to last stanza above.  It evokes such images and emotion.

    And, speaking of, Bruce once again demonstrates his ability to nail a performance just right, in a way that really aids in how you see the song. In as close to literal as the song every gets, he delivers perfectly:

     

    You said everything was fine
         I'm sorry, baby, I didn't see the signs
    Oh, so beautifully you read the lines...
    In a play where the hero has no vice
    And love comes without a price

    So does Trouble in Paradise

     

    That second line - it's like the line "I'm a thief in the house of love and I can't be trusted!" in "Roll of the Dice". It's delivered so perfectly, capturing the frustration and desperation as well as the regret all together, and then followed by the next line in regretful defeat.

    It's all so beautifully descriptive, so that even the abstract way of telling it adds to the message it's trying to convey, in how it tells us how easily "all of love's glory and beauty/Can vanish before you think twice" from forgetting that basic notion of any relationship - it's give and take. There are certain obligations when it comes to caring and leaving the mess cleanup for the other guy (metaphorically speaking), whether intentional or accidental, obviously isn't going to leave him or her feeling satisfied or cared about. Even that simple title does the excellent job of getting to the emotional root of it all - Trouble in Paradise.

    It's really a great song and I won't ruminate on the rest of the lyrics so you can enjoy them yourself.

  • Alright, I'm speaking as someone who'd been an Eminem fan since I first heard him - just quite rap, Em.

    You've stopped being the only beacon of talented rap and just become part of the crap that's garbage music that's been oozing out of the industry these days. Recovery was utterly awful.

    We didn't like you because you were offensive - we liked you because you were purposely and intentfully offensive to prove a point, had a remarkable keen eye for biting satire, and a level of talent not seen since Biggie (yeah, I said it).

    Stop being offensive, get an actual flow, and stop laying God-awful punchlines on us (go study Reasonable Doubt or something). I'm sorry, Recovery was offensive to me, it was so bad. You're supposed to mature as an artist, not regress.

  • Johnny was sittin' on the fire escape watchin' the kids playin' down the street
    He called down, "Hey little heroes:
    Summer's long but I guess it ain't very sweet around here anymore"
    Janey sleeps in sheets damp with sweat,
         Johnny sits up alone and watches her dream on, dream on
    And the sister prays for lost souls, then breaks down in the chapel after everyone's gone...

  • From a review of Jay-Z's Blueprint 2:

    -- The second disc opens with a stripped-down ''Diamonds Is Forever'':
    DB: I liked the straightforwardness of it.
    ND: There was a moment of clarity: ''Yeah, I sold drugs and I feel bad about it, but this is why I did it.'' That line ''I come from the city where the skinny niggas die'' is almost poetic.

    FAIL! That's a 2Pac line. Jay's a good artist, but, if you're reviewing a rap album, you ought to be able to recognize that.

  • I get up in the evening...
         and I ain't got nothing to say
    I come home in the morning
         I go to bed...feeling...the same way
    I ain't nothing but tired
        man, I'm just tired and bored with myself
    Hey there baby...
        I could use just a little help
     
    You can't start a fire
    You can't start a fire without a spark
    This gun's for hire...
         even if we're just dancing in the dark

    Messages keeps getting clearer
         radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
    I check myself out in the mirror
         I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face!
    Man, I ain't getting nowhere
         I'm just sitting in a dump like this
    There's something happening somewhere...
         baby, I just know that there is

    You can't start a fire
    You can't start a fire without a spark
    This gun's for hire...
         even if we're just dancing in the dark 

    You sit around getting older!
         (there's a joke here, somewhere, and it's on me)
    I'll shake this world off my shoulders
         (come, baby, the laugh's on me)
    Stay on the streets of this town -
         and they'll be carving you up alright
    They say you got to stay hungry
         hey, baby, I'm just about starving tonight!
    I'm dying for some action...
         I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
    I need a love reaction
         come on now, baby, give me just one look

    You can't start a fire
    Sitting 'round, crying over a broken heart
    This gun's for hire...
         even if we're just dancing in the dark

    You can't start a fire
    Worrying 'bout your little world falling apart
    This gun's for hire...
         even if we're just dancing in the dark

    even if we're just dancing in the dark...

    even if we're just dancing in the dark...

    even if we're just dancing in the dark...

    Heeeey, baby! Hmmmhmmhmmm....

  • This whole "sleeping" and "doing things on time" thing I need to get better at....

     

    So, I was doing a quick update look on everyone before heading to bed and happened to be looking through some icons from http://ycant-heloveme.xanga.com/. As I was looking, I had one of those moments where you have a familiar feeling, often that was associated with something particular.

    For whatever reason (okay, that's slightly stupid to say; most of the icons had, in some fashion, something to do with "love" but that it was this particular feeling that arose struck me by surprise), it was that feeling of being in a relationship you're eager to be in, that's important and dear to you, yet you really don't know how long it'll last, that apprehension and blatant chance.

    It was weird. I guess the best way to explain is that I knew it'd take a while so I decided to put on something to listen to.

    Largely due to my sister wanting it, I had recently gotten Michael Bublé's "Haven't Met You Yet". If you haven't heard it yet, it's this ridiculously upbeat and optimistic song. I know that my cousin seems to find my high critique of art these days as a strain of pretentiousness, but the song is optimism in the fashion that only Pop could mass produce. While undeniably catchy (and, I'm learning, rather impressive in terms of the instrumentation), it basically widdles down the pursuit for a mate to the notion that, in the end, everything will be okay because (unfailingly) the right person will come along in the end - he just hasn't met them yet.

    So, I put this on for a little ear candy as I finish up my update checking. And almost immediately the mood was killed. 

    Well, odd. I've used upbeat songs for browsing depressing icons late at night while feeling utterly awful to good use before. Why should it not work this time? The mood certainly wasn't a depressing one. It was ticklingly pleasant, actually.

    So, I stop the song and go back over those icons, seeing if I can get back the feeling.
    Photobucket
    Well, yes, it was definitely a happy feeling, even if slitheringly so. It was one of hope, most definitely. That kind of impending apprehension, as I said before; like you know you're possibly entering something really fucking great, and you're eager to begin.

    Yet there was something else there too. Like I said, apprehension. A hesitance, an almost fear.
    Photobucket
    As I said above, "you really don't know how long it'll last, that[...]blatant chance." And yet...

    I wasn't turned off by this notion.

    Which, really, was beyond odd to me. Loss, in most cases, is not considered a good thing by the sane-minded. Naturally, security in that you won't lose something tends to go with that.

    It was in the way I was just reading the icons, really, that gives it away. Just look at that last icon, reread that first sentence as if you don't know what the answer will be. And yet the entire time you know that, hey, just possibly, it's likely the answer you want it to be.

    And that high so drives you, despite you knowing it could decide to kick itself out from under you when it pleases. Against your instinctual judgement, you pursue after it.

    But it's also that returned act. That feeling when they respond, when they actually respond to that request for a kiss, when you actually take that chance and it happens to work out as you wanted.

    It's that concept of trust - and, shit, that someone actually cared enough to do as you trusted them to. It's an astounding feeling. And, really, far more accurate a one than "Haven't Met You Yet" gets at (I can only guess that this was the reason the mood dissipated as soon as I started playing the song). I've said this before in an adequate enough way, but I seem to find it important enough to repeat (or I wouldn't have bothered to write this post (admittedly, I nearly decided I didn't need to)): no, you have no guarantee that she or he will be magically waiting for you before the end; Hell, you have no guarantee that you'll even end up with someone you'll be happy with.

    Again, I will strongly argue, the really cool and amazing and arresting (and terrifying and mind-fucking) thing about relationships is that concept that suddenly half of the control is just gone. It's not just you anymore – you have to rely on someone else's actions.

    Now, of course, it's a little easier to look back fondly on this concept from the perspective of it working (i.e. these icons I've listed above). It's far less pleasant to speak kindly of this trust concept when it turns out that it didn't work, that the relationship is actually ending (whether in flames or calmly).

    Yet it's really not fully avoidable. Any relationship you enter – it probably won't work out. You're almost amusingly naïve if you think otherwise. And, to be frank, you're childish if you think that every break up will absolutely be their fault; only my mother seems to find that the actual act of breaking up is a crime. People are allowed not to like you.

    And yet – I like that feeling. For all its risks, it's likelihoods of falling through – there's absolutely something about taking that risk on someone, of actually feeling like such a myriad of possibilities as a successful relationship might possibly work out for you. It's that, "Hey, they returned my affection –they're interested in me," surprised fuzziness.

    To be honest, it's far more satisfying a feeling than the notion that someone is out there who is right for you, you've just got to wait along enough.

    Sure, I've got more at stake – but, like I've said many many times before (and probably will many many times throughout the rest of my life), the personality is so fascinating a thing. And the emotions and complexity of the human is all too endearing. Resting that trust in someone and all the many many things that means and the many many things that goes with that risk – I'd much rather have that.

  • Random things about me:

    Listening to heavy metal through ear phones will always put me to sleep, just about. I love metal, but, if I'm not moving, there's just something absolutely lulling about it.

    There's something so incredibly comforting about the night (when I'm not plagued with depression or stress). I love the morning (which is why I've been actually bothering to try to wake up earlier this year), but there's something regally gorgeous about the night.

    I think I've almost fully lost faith in most of humanity - but this time I'm alright with that.

    I really, really like quotes, even after all this time. Which doesn't make sense because all sorts of mishaps happen when you take things out of context like that - background is always direly important. But I still use them almost compulsively.

    I really like contradictions. That's why, for example, both The Exorcist and Show Me Love are my favorite movies. There are some parts of The Exorcist that are just bad. Some of the acting still cracks me up in how over the top it seems, the violence is so rediculous sometimes to the point of me not able to take it seriously, and some of the choice of music and placement of that music is pathetic in how beating-you-over-the-head it is. Show Me Love is meant to be more like a home movie than a professional move in its film-work  so it's often incredibly awkward. Some of the actions of the characters are just funny in how bizarre they are. Yet both have these awesome themes and metaphors through them. Plus The Exorcist just nails so many parts, in terms of acting and what the characters are saying. They both basically cover all the bases, from dry humor (in part because of how ridiculous they sometimes are - I love awkward humor) to drama to fantastic filmwork to metaphors. It's a conglomorate mess that shouldn't work - and yet it does.

    I would know I found the right girl if she proposed to me instead of the other way around, I almost definitely want to adopt in the future, and I'm completely okay with being securely lower middle class. All of these things about me terrify my mother.

    I occasionally feel pathetic and selfish when my depression disables me to do anything or I feel unmotivated to do stuff because I know others have it so much worse than I do.

    On the flip side of that, my dad was talking to me about my major a couple days ago, and I was explaining why, while I love history, I could never do it as a major; see, part of this is that you have to search through a ton of books and do research before a paper for history while English only requires wrestling with one text in a completely thorough fashion, which allows for a deeper and more thorough look through the text and I'm better at that than what I would have to do for history. My father thinks this means that I chose English because it's easier; he says as much with utter disgust. Well, one, no. I just explained what it was for you guys. However - so what if it was? You see, my dad also finds it so irritating and incapable of judging his oldest son for the fact that I'm slower at getting things done and put things off. Ignoring that fact that he can't let so trivial a thing such as the means I get things done (it's not like they don't get done) not get in the way of how he views and treats me, let me put it this way - I go suicidal periodically throughout the year. He should be happy I'm still breathing to this day. You see, I have to monitor what I do, when I do it, and how I do it because something as simple as doing something when I really don't feel like dealing with work can mess up my entire emotional well being for the day. Yes - I take a while to do things. I have to take a while to do them. For my well-being. To be honest, I'm not apologizing to my parents, ever, for how I've lived my life. Every choice I've made were well-thought-out, logical choices which I had to make in the face of their oppressive (in, honestly, places that didn't even begin to affect them, so I don't understand why they felt the need to intrude upon my autonomy), immature, and selfish "parenting". I've done things I regret - how I raised myself will never be one of them.
    (sorry for dumping that on you guys, but I've needed to say something about that incident for a while now)

    I just dropped my laptop off my bed; thankfully, it's okay.

    I still have some of the coolest friends in the world.

    I honestly can't take what little I've heard of Like Water From Chocolate by Common Sense seriously. It keeps sounding like he's trying to combine street rap (so saying purposely inappropriate things and trying to be "real") and political rap (so talking about revolutions and caring about the black community, etc.). He sounds like a fool; I may have lost nearly all respect for him from this album alone (though I still need to listen to the album more fully to really be able to speak on it; "6th Sense" off the album is nearly flawless, though).

    I really want to get another rodent - and soon. I miss constantly caring about something, anything/anyone.
    z211862988Thanks for the picture, Rachael

     

    Btw, if it so interests any of you: http://www.themixtapeexchange.co.nr/

  • "A Letter from God to Man" by Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip seemed really great, but some of those lines really just make me scratch my head. Shame. The only thing worse than something bad is something which comes so close to being great, but has a few flaws which holds it back.