I guess I knew it'd come, someday. I just never could figure out what I'd do once the day came.

 

I'll start with what we're all thinking: creating a social network you have to pay for will never fly. It's really a reasonable price – $48 for a full year comes to $3.75 per month. While I normally avoid paying anything ever – if I can help it – (particularly because a bunch of services for the low price of only $3 per month eventually build up if you don't keep track – and, at so low a price, you're likely tempted not to be too concerned), I might actually make an exception for Xanga. But I couldn't right now. I have far greater requirements that couldn't allow any justification at this moment.

But even if I was willing to put down $48 per year, many others wouldn't (particular when social sites like Tumblr are right around the corner for free).

 

What would be, in my mind, the wiser decision is to revamp the way Xanga works in order to attract more people (something that Xanga, really, ought to've done a long damn time ago).

Here's what I (and, I think, a lot of other Xangans) like about Xanga: the community. And, as I've a million times before on here (and, I've been reminded this year, there are still some of us here…), it was a safe place for those who maybe wanted to talk about aspects of our lives that maybe we didn't feel comfortable about elsewhere.

I don't think those two things are separate. I could talk about depression and SI and ED and other mental disorders and histories of abuse and prejudice at Tumblr or at LiveJournal just as easily (and people have). The difference with Xanga, however, was that the community gave us a place to find others like ourselves (or exercise our desire to yell at, and complain about, others).

The problem is this very unique aspect of Xanga (its community) is not greatly highlighted. Take away the community and what do you got? Any regular run of the mill blog or Blogspot/Blogger.

The strength of Blogger, however, is that it can be used for other things. I used a Blogspot URL for the News section of the Mucho Macho Moocow Military Marching Band's site. While I could probably contort a xanga site into a similar purpose, Blogger is simply set up for strict blogging. It makes complete sense and (the greatest reason I did it) provides a very straightforward layout for those who may not be as HTML or CSS savvy to update the site. And the site itself only provides the ability to provide comments, thus directing all comments to be about the content.

Xanga, on the other hand, is a blogging site set up to facilitate communication between users who blog. The eProps, the Minis you can give people – it's all directed towards you interacting with the user rather than interacting with the content of the site. Blogger, on the other hand, has been able to act seemlessly as an extention of sites or as a site itself or as blogging if you don't mind others not interacting with you or if you don't mind the interaction tending more towards the contact than necessarily the blogger.

 

I once commented to one of my cousins that Facebook was, really, this unique player in the social network pools because you weren't behind a username. Using Xanga as my source of empirical knowledge, I found that I could never imagine getting rid of my Facebook because so many memories were stuck there. This was the space I traded band jokes back and forth with Kristi, where I had note upon note detailing info. about myself and, in turn, learning about my friends, where I had picture upon picture of memories and events, etc. On the other hand, what happens if I junk my Xanga? I can archive it, if I want to keep the memories, and I'm no worse for wear. Ever had a friend drop off of Facebook? Old jokes and comments suddenly are half completely, pictures you may have been tagged in that were important to you are gone.

While there is the hole in my hypothesis of the fact that I've seen an amount of people drop out of Facebook (though some do come back) that has surprised me, I think the reason Facebook has been able to repeatedly change the layout so that it gets worse and worse and do all sorts of other things that have raised outcry from its userbase is because no one is really going to leave Facebook. At the end of the day, it's where not only their photos and videos and notes are – it's where their group of friends in real life are who've commented and liked their stuff. Even if you could archive all the info., you lose that communal interaction that is just as much a part of the user experience. Further, – because it's your actual face, name, etc. there – it's an extension of your life. I go onto to Facebook to get in touch with people or ask them questions or plan things. It's your contact book, E-mail, and IM with practical application – no usernames to separate us from reality.

 

MySpace was purely fueled by social value. It was one of the first social network sites to hit the scene; everyone had one. Ever had a MySpace? First time I actually bothered to get one, I couldn't figure out why people were raving about them. I literally couldn't do anything with it other than change my mood and upload pictures. Could anyone really comment on said pictures? Not really; the site wasn't directed towards that. There was a blogging function but, like the pictures, it was tucked off to the side and had limited capability. The real interaction was on the main page (as with all sites) and what was presented there was a profile picture, your status, and quotes and shit you uploaded that others couldn't really interact with. Was anyone really surprised that MySpace became a major stalk-fest? It was set up that way and directed to that outcome. That's why, once the appeal and social status of it wore off, it tanked and no attempt to revive it has worked.

 

And then we've got Tumblr. Tumblr is this little cluster-fuck of poor organization when it comes to the long-form. This is the largest reason I have never, in spite of the allure, jumped ship from Xanga to Tumblr. Designed as a quick way to share images and short bits of information, there's no real way to form the same type of community interactions and connections that Xanga has and nurtures. Want to comment? Okay, let's just toss it into the mass of text listing who liked the post. Want to do a post longer than three sentences? HA. Let's see if you can make sense of the three or more columns going on on this person's site. Oh, and some of them trail off after the fifth sentence and you have to click through to see the rest. So useful for the passerby or anyone reading a tumblr outside of being logged into Tumblr.

Which isn't to say that last bit can't be arranged. I believe you could set up a tumblr is some reasonable fashion for regular blogging. But the thing is that Tumblr is set up, from default, to be a site aimed at hosting media and being able to offer quick little comments about said images and videos. Which is somewhat silly, really, since posting a single image could easily help determine the length of posts; the real determiner of whether it's a media blog or not ought to be in how you organize how the posts are shown (one column or 1 million columns, etc.); of course, this doesn't address Tumblr's joy at presenting feedback in an unreadable manner that makes the depressed kid almost find the last needed reason to finally hang himself.

But that's also been Tumblr's greatest strength. I want to avoid making generalities about things I'm not entirely certain about (and I've done that somewhat enough already with some of these sites I've only used sparingly) but it was really the perfect solution to a generation that was getting used to faster and faster means of doing things. Tumblr has amazing user experience.

You see, Tumblr is near unreadable to those who may be on the outside. Want to follow a discussion? Good fucking luck. However, from the signed-in Tumblr user's perspective, that's easy. It's all on your dash. On your dash, you can easily keep track of new posts from the tumblrs you follow, easily see who commented towards you or shared something you posted, etc.

Want to post an image? A quote? A post? Easy. It's right in your home page with a beautiful graphical button right there waiting for you. Quick, fast, painless, and easy. Did I mention fast? From the user perspective, Tumblr is this quick and beautiful social network site that allows you to post stuff easily and allows you interact with people. You can follow your favorite tumblrs (and, I imagine, message them) and get to know these people. Ever seen those posts about those crazy tumblrs who stay up until 3 A. M.? Tumblr's been pretty great about having a very opening and welcoming Queer community. Feminism thrives. Hell, a good deal of the images I've posted here and a few of the posts regarding Queerness and Feminism have come from or been inspired by users on Tumblr. Community! You could define a Tumblr community.

 

But let's say that you want to have an actual conversation outside of messaging a user? Sure, you can respond to how a user acts by commenting them or unsubbing them. But the second you comment to a person, you fork the conversation. Tumblr treats comments by pasting it on your site (with a quote of what you're responding to) and plopping a little note at the bottom of the post you respond to. So say I'm discussing something with someone. Someone else responds to my fifth comment to Person A. Does Person A see what Person B said to me? Can they easily track it? Nope; you've got a brand new conversation, is what you have. Tracking conversations on Trumblr is hyperlink jumping "fun".

Tumblr responses drives a user to your tumblr. Anyone looking at Tumblr is fine so long as you're signed in (and, even then, it's really all about who you've decided to keep track of and follow and who responds to you). Tumblr usage literally revolves around you.

Xanga, on the other hand, regulates non-message conversations to one page – the page of the subject you are discussing. That is the key to the reason why Xanga, in spite of it's (really serious) dip in popularity, has maintained a very close-knit community. Xanga forces you to have to actually interact with the people around you beyond just the material they post. I would also argue that's why Xanga has one of the most hostile communities I've ever seen on a social network site. It's a fallout of actually having to deal with people. On Tumblr, you can ignore the response in your dash if you don't want to deal with it. On Xanga, that person is on the page you were commenting on; you can stop commenting on that post but you have to deal with them otherwise.

I think the fact that Xanga is a long-form blogging site helps as well. You can better explore ideas and concepts over long lengths of text than you can over short little posts. There's more to respond to as well, in that way.

 

Which isn't to say that Tumblr is entirely bad (despite my own biased frustrations with it). From an inginuity standpoint, Tumblr gets up there with Facebook, for me. It changed the way we use social network sites. There's something nice (and connecting) about constantly quoting your fellow bloggers. And posting is made so much simpler.

 

 

 

So the basic point is this: Xanga will die or live on in its own gated community if it decides to stop being free. The alternative (and I don't know if this is necessarily feasible) is to revamp itself so that it can pull more people in. Between a premium option (maybe, as much as my cheap ass hates to admit, without the option of credits so that you're forced to spend money) and advertisements, a popular and well-used Xanga should be able to turn a profit.

The first means of doing that is truly make it feel like an interlocked community. I want to feel, once I enter, like I am literally *in* a place where, from within its halls, I can do whatever I want. Facebook has this appeal and so does Tumblr. A dash can give that feel. Changing up the private page was *definitely* a wise move. While there's always the risk of being called out for copying (though Facebook and Google+ seem to be playing a game of tag of that), streamlining what you can post (text, quote, image, video, etc.) like Tumblr does could help make it feel like getting stuff done is quicker and simpler.

One of the things that made Xanga unique from the beginning was the complete customability it had in its themes. While the level of freedom has gotten Xanga in trouble in the past, having a manual way of mucking around in the plain code of your theme while keeping the remix theme wizard would be great. The fact that themes have been important, I think, is evident from the fact that it made it into the Xanga Fundraiser post. We've long been sour since losing that level of customability (though the remix theme thing is really rather impressive and detailed). What would be really nice is a theme "store" (except without any charge), like an app store or Google Chrome's plug-in "store". People could share themes they've made and other users could select them and mess around with them. This would make it really easy for new users to get into the spirit of a nice looking site, allow for theme-makers to advertise their site, and give the interconnected feeling that app stores give (tapping into experiences others might have had with app stores and plug-in repositories).

The same could go the plug-in idea, which I think is a fantastic idea. The Widget idea would have been fine, if a remote amount of JavaScript and regular HTML/CSS worked nicely in them.

Also, security. I think, if Xanga got security measures on par with Facebook, there would be a huge surge in attendants here. it would fit in perfectly with the use of the site as a personal place to post information about yourself that you might not want others (or particular users) to see.

Another buisness to take case of: get that Xanga app working. That's further advertisement and, the more you act like a social network and reach into every other network device, the more Xanga will seem like a modern social network site and be used.

And, of course, some advertising might help. Maybe some on YouTube and general Google advertisements to bring our existence back into the general populace's awareness.

That also means deciding whether we want to integrate the images and audio hosting into the use of the site more or leave them to the side like they currently are. I think the blogging aspect (and, in turn, the community interaction) are strong enough sellers that they could be fine as they are. It's just that it's awkward and you don't want to give a user that lingering feeling.

 

With the notion of having to pay for your site gone, the fundraiser should be pursued strongly with an emphasis that you can donate what you can. While I know a lot of people are going to be turned off by the notion of putting down 48 (or more) dollars, I think there are many who would be okay with putting down 5 dollars or less for the social network they've grown to love and call home (as well as those willing to give much more than that as well).

We say we're a community so let's prove that. I know there are graphic designers out there amongst us. I know there must be coders. And there has to be those willing to sit down and figure out how to code an iPhone app to get their beloved site alive. I have experience with doing design; maybe not enough for Xanga to hire me on their payroll but enough for a dying site to come to me for free work. Besides, you could give every person who worked on redesigning the site premium accounts, if saving the site isn't reward enough.

My point is, I know we're willing to band together and do what we can to save this site. I never really realized how much this site had become a community to me until I realized it was going to be gone; I'd talked about it and reasoned it but didn't realize I felt it. There is a real community here with real interactions and real connections. It's not just our sites and data that's being taken down – it's the people that's being taken away as well.

So let's get everyone giving what money they can towards saving this site while we alter Xanga so that it becomes a social site that'll keep users, whether that's graphic designs or coding services given for free because we don't want to lose this site. And, at the very least, try to keep open an avenue to sell it to someone else if saving it becomes an impossibility.

 

Xanga's my home, in ways I've never expected. And I don't know what to do if it leaves. There is no other social networking site that I'm aware of that offers what Xanga does. There are people I don't want to lose contact with. There are people who are safe here in ways that other places just can't offer. And we're not going to be able to just move the community to another site (or, at least, easily).

We want to stay.

Reblogged from msjosephinemarch:

Abby Wambach for the ESPN Body Issue.

I love these photos. I love these photos because it’s the first time I can think of when I haven’t had to see a female athlete be overly sexualized and objectified. She’s naked, yes that’s the point of the issue (and the men are just as nude), but she’s powerful. She’s athletic and strong in both of these photos.

They just make me happy, okay?

I remember there was one moment my brother, eager about music as he often is, was mentioning a line from a rap song he had heard recently that he really liked. Unsurprisingly, this sparked a comment from my mother about how much she hated rap. My father chimed in as well, noting that what he particularly couldn't stand was the arrogance and bragging. My mother notes that there's "just too much cursing".

In regards to the bragging, my brother gives the argument that's been given before: they strove so much to get where they are and came from so little; they've earned, to quote Kanye, the "right to be a little bit snobbish".

I ask whether Catcher In the Rye would be the same novel without Holden's candid expletives.

My father says he feels that's different.

 

I'd have to agree.

Granted, I think the notion has weight in the context of a well-put-together album such as Reasonable Doubt or the like. And I think there is something interesting and worth studying in seeing a genre – that is largely produced and put out by a group of people consistently kept economically deficient – should find a study of wealth to literally be a past-time. Kanye, in particular (or at least I'm most familiar with him), is rather good at illuminating the source of such consistent and, arguably, negative habits within rap.

However, – much as the sexism and misogyny in rap often tries to be explained away – I don't think all bravado can be so cleanly explained away. Some of it's irritating; and some of it really isn't healthy (within the culture of hip hop and for human beings in general, though I wouldn't say all of it is). And, in general, I don't think most of the bragging and trash talk can be explained with simply "You deserve to be able to do this".

 

I just don't care.

Granted, I grew up as a kid off of Detroit rap (largely because my introduction into rap was Eminem). So I have a particular affinity for rap battling. Add to that that Midwestern rap does have an appreciation punchlines and wordplay and that my second area of interest was East Coast rap, I have a large appreciation for clever wordplay and creative raps.

I really like trash talk, so long as the trash talker can back it up. Other than working on sentence structures in writing (in part because I'm more of a nerd than I know what to do with), there's a great rush from hearing someone talking about how great they are and then proving it. I dunno, I imagine it's the same rush most rap listeners (or, given the influence rap has had on pop music, any music listener of the 21^st century) have to listening to someone brag. I guess it's some vicariousness we've got going on. I dunno.

But, for an example that makes more sense, there's also this real rush to hearing a really clever punchline or witty bit, particular those that make you have to think about it for a moment so that you laugh more than you really should once you get it.

I like the juvenile wordplay of Da Ruckus:

I told you once, but you forget so here's a flashback
"You couldn't be shit, if you came out my asscrack"

Or Beastie Boys':

So put a quarter in your ass 'cause you played yourself

Or Juice's pun:

I haven't even started my reign: I'm only drizzling

Or even corny ones from Jay-Z that I still enjoy just because I somehow managed to miss it the first time around:

Flyer that a piece of paper bearing my name

Or other ones which I just can't seem to think of at the moment because I'm blanking.

Sometimes, you just want to hear good, old-fashioned, clever trash talk.

The vibe is unsettling: as soon as the verse cuts,
I kill 'em with the medley and then ready the hearse up
Overflowin' on the levy and it's ready to burst up:
Those that wanna get me, wanna sweat me, get burned up
I make 'em feel like they flows is in the amazon,
On the land being stampeded, gettin' trampled on
They can't beat it: so damn heated, they can't respond
And I'm so damn weeded, I can't see 'em – so carry on…

Yerp, that'd be the stuff.

        Don’t be afraid.
        —But I’ve never seen a picture you painted or read a word you wrote—
        So what?
        So you’re thirty-eight?
        Correct.
        And have only just finished your second novel?
        Socalled.
        Entitled ee-eye-em-eye? [Eimi]
        Right.
        And pronounced?
        "A" as in a, "me" as in me; accent on the "me".
        Signifying?
        Am.
        How does Am compare with The Enormous Room?
        Favorably.
        They’re not at all similar, are they?
        When The Enormous Room was published, some people wanted a war book; they were disappointed. When Eimi was published, some people wanted another Enormous Room; they were disappointed.
        Doesn’t The Enormous Room really concern war?
        It actually uses war: to explore an inconceivable vastness which is so unbelievably far away that it appears microscopic.
        When you wrote this book, you were looking through war at something very big and very far away? 
        When this book wrote itself, I was observing a negligible portion of something incredibly more distant than any sun; something more unimaginably huge than the most prodigious of all universes—
        Namely?
        The individual.
        Well! And what about Am?
        Some people had decided that The Enormous Room wasn’t a just-war book and was a class-war book, when along came Eimi—aha! said some people; here’s another dirty dig at capitalism.
        And they were disappointed.
        Sic.
        Do you think these disappointed people really hated capitalism?
        I feel these disappointed people unreally hated themselves—
        And you really hated Russia.
        Russia, I felt, was more deadly than war; when nationalists hate, they hate by merely killing and maiming human beings; when Internationalists hate, they hate by categorying and pigeonholing human beings.
        So both your novels were what people didn’t expect.
        Eimi is the individual again; a more complex individual, a more enormous room.
        By a —what do you call yourself? painter? poet? playwright? satirist? essayist? novelist?
        Artist.
        But not a successful artist, in the popular sense?
        Don’t be silly.
        Yet you probably consider your art of vital consequence—
        Improbably.
        —To the world? 
        To myself.
        What about the world, Mr. Cummings?
        I live in so many: which one do you mean?
        I mean the everyday humdrum world, which includes me and you and millions upon millions of men and women.
        So?
        Did it ever occur to you that people in this socalled world of ours are not interested in art?
        Da da.
        Isn’t that too bad!
        How?
        If people were interested in art, you as an artist would receive wider recognition— Wider?
        Of course.
        Not deeper.
        Deeper?
        Love, for example, is deeper than flattery.
        Ah—but (now that you mention it) isn’t love just a trifle oldfashioned?
        I dare say.
        And aren’t you supposed to be ultramodernistic?
        I dare say.
        But I dare say you don’t dare say precisely why you consider your art of vital consequence—
        Thanks to I dare say my art I am able to become myself.
        Well well! Doesn’t that sound as if people who weren't artists couldn’t become themselves?
        Does it?
        What do you think happens to people who aren’t artists? What do you think people who aren’t artists become?
        I feel they don’t become: I feel nothing happens to them; I feel negation becomes of them.
        Negation?
        You paraphrased it a few moments ago.
        How?
        "This socalled world of ours."
        Labouring under the childish delusion that economic forces don’t exist, eh?
        I am labouring.
        Answer one question: do economic forces exist or do they not?
        Do you believe in ghosts?
        I said economic forces.
        So what?
        Well well well! ‘Where ignorance is bliss. .. Listen, Mr. Lowercase Highbrow—
        Shoot.
        —I’m afraid you’ve never been hungry.
        Don’t be afraid.
–e.e. cummings

Those who claim that everyone their age are idiots must be young because they have yet to realize the world is swelling with idiots.

@XxbutterflyknivesXx

Well, @XxbutterflyknivesXx tapped me for this so here I go. The idea is 16 things about-yourself/you-like.

 

1. I'm still becoming a writer because I want to see God.

2. I use someone's name when trying to get to know people (and also because I'm terrible at remembering names and this helps). It grabs zir attention (a truly difficult thing to keep for people, it would seem) because you address zem directly, points that ze's notable to you because you've remembered zir name, and makes a sentence more personalized.

Or, at least, so goes my reasoning; I don't know if it actually works as well at it might logically seem to. People have a tendency to generally not gravitate to reserved, and often dry, Me at initial meetings (which can extend into further acquaintances).

Within the past few years, it's turned into my own quirk of a way to signify that someone has grabbed my attention or that I see and recognize zem and would like to get to know zem better. While I've never bothered to keep track of how often I've used people's names, I don't think I do this as much with those I know well or am close to (given they should already know that I want to know them as people, etc.). But for those I don't know as well, it's a sort of signifier (even if I'm the only one aware of it or what it means).

3. I have attempted over a period of time to test out every type and amount of sleep in an attempt to reign it in. For reasons I have no understanding of, my body wants 12 hours of sleep or more; there is actual medical evidence of people having this condition with no known reason and no known cure. In college, going to sleep became an ordeal because you slay half of your day this way and completely obliterate the ability or morale to do work. When my depression would get particularly bad, I'd stay in bed for as long as 24 hours. While I think it was the depression that kept me from wanting to get out of bed, I think my body was perfectly fine with going back to sleep. It literally never tires of it.

I think the best sleep I ever get (with a feeling that the sleep was actually regenerative) is going to bed on complete and thorough exhaustion or when my body wakes up after a short interval of sleep (3, 4.5, or – at most – 6 hours) on its own because I've been forcing myself to wake up after short hours (ranging from between 15 to 30 minutes or the previous hours I gave). Of course, 12 hours of sleep results in me being tired again in 6 hours and the short bursts of sleep are not remotely retainable.

I kept myself strictly aiming for no more than 4.5 hours or sleep but getting between that and 8 hours for two or three months not too long ago. This eventually gave way to my body sleeping as much as it could again.

I'm just sick of being perpetually exhausted.

4. I love individuals, hate people, and idealize humanity.

5. I tend to attach a lot of symbolic value to things (one of the fallouts of being a writer?). For example, I, undeniably, adore Caroline. I've known her ever since Junior year of high school, she's wonderfully loyal, and an amazing friend who has always stuck by me, no matter what. But, in spite of those things (or maybe they are because of this), Caroline also came to me through Victoria. Well before she was my Freshman, she was Victoria's. And, as we already know, I think very highly of Victoria. She could've just as much as said anything in high school and I would've taken it into consideration. So, in a sense, Caroline comes with Victoria's seal of approval. I doubt Victoria put that much thought into it. She probably met Caroline and simply took to the girl. But Caroline will always have that sense of approval and connection in my eye. That sort of, "Well, anyone who's a friend of _______ is a friend of mine," rationalization we often use; I don't know anything about you – but you're from ______'s camp and that's enough for me. That sort of loyalty and trust that goes with such a sentiment.

Likewise, Lauren was one of the first people I ever met at Williams and was in my Freshmen orientation group. We got along, had a bit in common, and did some activities together. Nothing exceedingly great. I think we saw each other a total of 5 individual times after orientation over my four years at Williams. We weren't exactly best buds or anything (though she's a pretty cool person so I'll always be fond of her). Yet she was one of the first people I met and got along with in a new state at a new school miles from home and familiarity. She will always be someone I consider important to me because of this, regardless of how close we stay or become over the years.

For yet another example, we randomly made a pact we were going to get a pug at one point, Lizzie. As such, this will still occur.

6. I have a creeping suspicion that I have some form of anxiety. This actually is terrifying to me.

As I've said already in a million different places a million different times, life is performance for me a good 90% of the time. And it's so thoroughly tiring. Beyond having to use just about all my concentration to read social cues and follow them whenever I interact with people, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every fortnight of every month of every year is a continual and constant process of keeping control of my emotions and keeping myself stable. Not even happy, just maintaining stability and keeping myself from depression.

While it's a taxing process that circumvents what I can do during a particular moment (despite the insistence of tasks or activities I should do and micromanagement of others every other day), I still have control. Anxiety, quite simply, is not control. I imagine it's controllable; I know there are those who manage panic attacks and the like every day. But it's yet more work to tack on and I don't know I have the strength for it. Nor the time.

7. I imagine the above is the reason I cannot stand when others don't bother to play nice or even bother to show an attempt at being friendly when I consistently do so. I am holding back and keeping in check my emotions in spite of that difficulty when I would much like to have the freedom to yell or be blunt about my feelings (if this xanga is not evidence enough of) or simply react slack-jawed because it's effort to even display emotion or even talk sometimes and you can't even muster being friendly back at me?

8. I can be a massive pack-rat. It's partially because items carry not only memory but information about their time and place and partially because items can often be reused or used later.

For an example, I was pasting and cutting some files before realizing that I didn't want to move them quite yet. Stupidly, I hit cancel. Well, the transfer was in the middle of moving a video of a band induction ceremony (thus the only version being the one I had taken). Canceling is caused the video to be half moved, creating a new 4 minute copy of the 8 minute clip. Panicking and not being able to think of any way to restore the file or if I had (stupidly, I had not) made a copy of the file, I decided to look through the my backed up files from before I dual-booted my computer with Windows and Linux. I have about three backups from different years. Not only was a copy of the video in one of them but it's not the first time some file has been lost (not always my fault) and I had it stored in an old backup.

People keep telling me that it's an inane habit and yet I have so many instances in which I've found joy and use from my packrattiness.

9. I never fully understood the whole concept of not being friends with your exes or members of the opposite sex (maybe because my bisexuality sort of would mean a person would have to worry double time) due to your current SO feeling uneasy about it.

First off, (if you can't trust the person to that extent) you're probably going to have a bad time.

Secondly, most of my friends are female and a few of my exes are some of the closest friends I have. I've always believed a proper relationship, even if failed, should bring the people closer together and that has definitely happened for a few of them. Arguably, you could say that all of my few best friends are female. As such, I fully intend to stay friends with them and that will include future activities like going to see shows or getting lunch, etc. If I'm with someone, it is with full commitment so long as I am with zem. If you can't trust my word on that…well, deal?

10. While I've often jokingly noted that most Bruce Springsteen fans are twice my age, I've been lucky in that my favorite artist is still alive and producing work (even if I've been critical of that later work). I don't think many people get the luck of having their childhood artist, the one they grew up on and memorized and spent far too much time obsessing over, still alive and active. Hell, I've been to two Springsteen concerts. Nothing legendary but I still get the bragging rights to say that.

And, sure, Black Sabbath and Ozzy are technically still around. But, for every other artist I listen to, I've either stopped or had my expectations lowered or they're no longer active/living.

And I'm becoming keenly aware that that's not going to be forever. There isn't likely to be a moment where I trail a bunch of his shows or see one of those legendary live performances or even get to look forward to new material because he's either going to retire or, unfortunately, die.

But even beyond that, – in death – it's not like I'm going to be able to follow what he's doing in the news or read interviews, etc. An individual, even if from afar, who was a mainstay of my life since childhood will be gone.

11. 99% of my sense of humor can be pinned down to irony. I realized this when walking with my cousin one time; I was (and still somewhat am) so surprised I'm able to define it so cleanly.

12. Part of the frustration of none of my cousins nor siblings nor myself being taught Haitian Creole is that I'm fairly certain I'm going to adopt children, on my own, in the future. And when it'll come to passing on heritage…there won't be much to do that with. My mother once got angry at me that I didn't post something on Facebook after the earthquake in Haiti. While I want to learn more about Haiti, – at this point in time – is it really all that surprising that I didn't? I don't speak the language, hardly know any others Haitians outside of my mother's side of the family, and have no real clue about the culture other than a collection of maybe five stories from my mother that all date back to before she emigrated (thus, thirty or so years ago). The little bit that I do have is a few Haitian recipes that I've grown up on. This means I can pass on a taste for Haitian cuisine (which I most certainly plan to do) but that's about it.

I haven't tried learning a new language because I'm generally bad at learning them. Plus anything which doesn't captivate my attention is going to be a struggle due to my depression and I already have more than enough things I have to do that aren't interesting and, thus, become a struggle to do. Plus, given that the English language is my area of study, I find wordcraft to truly be an art form and a beautiful one at that. There's something very satisfying about a skillfully crafted sentence and, having been as anal about grammar as I have, I think it's an utter waste to use words carelessly or sloppily. While I would never deter anyone from learning another language (I actually tend to look at zem in a much higher light for accomplishing something I haven't been able to), I would feel terrible for foisting myself into another person's language only to use it poorly and sloppily and hold it back from forming itself into the more complex capabilities language has potential for and becoming a far tighter and elegant system just because of my own ineptitude.

And yet I really would love to learn German or Creole. And it would at least give a stronger sense of heritage to my children. Recently, a feelings been creeping up on me that I may just bite the bullet; we'll see.

13. Speaking of grammar…

Technically speaking, I am not a prescriptivist when it comes to grammar. I believe language can change and does change. Indeed – as a system formed organically (and often haphazardly) from a grassroots sort of process –, I often think language should because it often manifests itself in ways that are nonsensical and poor. Basically, I think our language's rules should have reasoning behind them – and those which do not pass a test of sense should be discarded – but I do, at the end of the day, believe our language should have rules. I most certainly do not think that the fluidity of language gives us free range to run will-ze-n'ill-ze through language rules or rejoice at contradictory diversity within its body of rules. And, when at an impasse, I do tend to give precedence towards older rules and trends: this includes just about any usage that has prevalence in the language as well as any that may be created in the future (because, after all – at the end of the day –, I can't control how you use language). Generally, this tends to make me feel quite at home amongst prescriptivists – for a time.

While I haven't read through the whole blog yet and cannot necessarily give it a stamp of approval (it does, after all, have the phrase "Prescriptivism Must Die!" emblazoned on it), the blog Motivated Grammar gets its name from the same belief as mine. From zir site:

Grammar should not be articles of faith handed down to us from those on high who never split infinitives but always split hairs. Grammar should be rules that allow us to communicate more efficiently, clearly, and understandably. I’m not advocating the abolition of grammar,[explain to me why this comma exists] but rather its justification. I’m not quite sure what that will entail in the end, but I’m starting out by pointing out grammar rules that just don’t make sense, don’t work, or don’t have any justification. All I want is for our rules of grammar to be well-motivated.

Questionable comma aside, the above is beautiful (I tend to react more strongly to certain explanations when said explanation puts into words perfectly, for me, some feeling I was having difficulty expressing or even expressing clearly).

I should note that this doesn't apply to pronunciation, though the Midwestern accent is the most beautiful of English-speaking people (because I clearly have no bias; though I am also rather fond of the Irish accent and the Brooklyn accent, with Boston often piquing my interest). While I would probably prefer a standardization of pronunciation, that is literally impossible (plus there is some fun to that diversity). I was in argument with two friends of mine over whether Shakespeare would have to be standardized and I vehemently disagreed until we realized that I was under the impression we were solely talking about the text (silly English major). I'm inclined to believe that spelling (and possibly grammatical usage, though changes in that aren't likely to disrupt your Shakespeare too greatly) is likely to remain very standardized with the advent of the Internet Age and rising levels of education (and that's really all I'm concerned about maintaining). Of course, both were quick to point out (to my own persistent bafflement) that most high school students find they cannot understand the bard.

Also, in regards to the plural of octopus: the term comes from the Greek, ὀκτάπους (oktapous, "eight-footed"). If we follow the Greek to the plural form, we would get octopodes. The term octopi comes from the mistaken assumption that the term comes from the Latin (it does not).

I would probably accept the term octopuses, given that it follows standard English grammatical rules, but I'm not apt to like it.

Also, down with the singular They.

14. I really hate the term "bitch". As the above might give indication to, I'm not generally into abandoning any word. On the other hand, I generally despise reclamation of hate-terms.

You might argue that "bitch" isn't only used as a term of hate but I might disagree. I said to my brother once that there's never a non-gendered usage with it. It either frames women into that old stereotype of just bringing down all the fun everyone else is having by voicing their opinions or it connotes weakness and being dominated (particularly disturbing when you tie it back to the notion of the word meaning "female"), often sharing equal usage in this case to describe males.

I was technically wrong. When used as a noun, I think the term possibly escapes gendering (e.g. "Julie and the gang are up in this bitch!"). However, that, as far as I can see, is the only instance.

But even beyond that, I don't like the term because – like the term slut – it tends to carry a connotation with it that tends to overshadow its definition.

Okay, a woman who dates a guy just for his money and then movies on might not be a good person. Wouldn't it make sense to describe her as a bitch?

Arguably. But let me counter. Take the movie Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay: there's a scene where Kumar is reminiscing with his friend and love interest, Vanessa. He points out that she put used tampons in a Professor's purse (we're going to ignore the fact that they're literally tying the image of a period to why this woman deserved what she got; I can make my point without it). Even before Vanessa responds, I knew what the answer would be, in that sort of way you know something by routine.

Her response: Oh, come on. She was a bitch and you know it.

The problem with this (and, being connotation, I can't really prove it but you may anecdotally perceive this) is that the justification really isn't just that she was mean. I think it's important to note that it's Vanessa saying this. Bitch often is wielded as this sort of silencer. No girl wants to be a bitch and, if you are one, you sort of get whatever's coming to you. Unasked, you deserve it.

Vanessa's statement really reads as, "She was a bitch and, thus, she deserved it." And that's how the phrase is often put forward. She was a bitch. Umm, okay, on what criterion?

But, unless I'm mistaken, it just feels like it's carrying more meaning that it ever bothers to say. It's not just meant as a justification – like I said, it's meant as a silencer. She was a bitch; end of conversation, case solved. And it operates much as the terms queer and faggot and fairy used to: terms no man wanted to dare be called – and so universally agreed upon in their detestation as adjectives that they just operate as silencers. My mother once got into a fight with a guy pulling out of his driveway (I think; I was young and can't remember that well). After bickering back in forth, she said just one word: faggot. That was the moment he stopped bothering to argue (though there was a brief wash of surprise over his face) and just went to write down her licence plate. And I don't mean to display that as my mother beating up on and bullying this man; he wasn't very nice and may've started the shouting match. But the point remains: whatever the actual definition of the term, it has a stronger one as a silencer meant to end discussion. "Just don't call me that." And, in that way, it makes the caller lazy (and I generally make a strong case for the defense of expletives). Rather than calling zem a noun whose definition is often vague in comparison to the sentence it's used in, we should actually describe the faults of the person and make a proper argument.

Seriously, I really don't like that term.

15. I (over-?)analyze anything and everything constantly. Even if I forget to mention that I, eventually, came to agree with an argument you made, I'm likely to think over what you said well after the discussion is through. I'm earnestly interested in reaching a conclusion that makes sense and is justifiable and, if you're capable of helping me reach that point, I very much would like your input. If I disagree or stick in opposition to a point, it's because I earnestly believe it (or am not willing to accept the other argument quite yet), not out of any malice or ill-will.

As such, dismissing my point of view or not bothering to argue a point is one of the most insulting ordeals (yes, I know, I'm forming a list of them) you can put me through. I'll generally heckle after a point or a semantic because I'm earnestly interested in coming to an understanding of it. I'll never let go of being dismissed or being told I'm wrong (when I fully believe or aren't fully convinced that I'm not) because you're saying my reasoning is faulty. Rather than working with me towards understanding, you've pushed me aside (deeming me unsuitable of understanding) or've circumvented the argument process and, rather than pointing out why my reasoning is wrong, decided to deprive me of understanding. This is unacceptable and, above all, cruel. If you don't have much interest in the topic, simply mention so (I was also going to say if you didn't have the patience to explain it but that's stupid of me; impatience is unacceptable when it comes to other's needs).

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have an point of view explained and I cannot fathom how others can not perceive blinding insult at dismissal of a query.

16. In spite of dating what some feel is a high amount of people (I really don't feel that it is), I am very rarely, truly pulled towards any one person, though I'm usually willing to try a relationship out if asked. I generally have high opinions of many and fall into crushes easily (I generally consider a crush any light infatuation that generally doesn't last very long because it isn't based on a large base). And, occasionally, there are those people who I start to seriously contemplate whether I should. But, in general, these aren't the things which cause me to consider, quite seriously, the risk of going for someone; there are some times when I'm simply blown away by a person, the type of infatuation where you want to devour the totality of your time with that person and immerse your senses in discovering further who they are because they are so stimulating of a personality. The difference between the last two of the three is that, in the former, I may consider the risk worth it: I may or may not ask zem out. In the latter, I know it's worth the risk because I am so thoroughly drawn to this person that every bit of me feels it.

Obviously, that last one is not a common occurrence. And it's one that tends to be predicated on having a past with the person and knowing them fairly well (given that, most generally, it's personality and opinions/ideals that make me attracted to a person). I suppose this is a phenomenon which could have only occurred later in life as I got an idea of the type of person I'm attracted to. Still, very rarely does anyone truly come along that thoroughly blows me away (though I may partially blame that on how little we truly get to know any one person that we meet over the spans of our lifetime), though they (often surprisingly) do occur.

 

 

 

Alright, time to tag some people for this: @IgorLollipop, @under_the_carpet, @mkmm87, @LyricalVent (we've been trying to re-figure-out/reclaim who we are for so long, maybe trying to write out just a fraction of it will help)