September 16, 2012
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I'm starting to hate, that there are certain topics most/all my friends fully endorse, yet I oppose (tea and anime are just two).
That sounds like a ridiculous sort of thing to be bothered over; I'm starting to learn, that I assign a startling amount of (perhaps arbitrary) importance to symbolic significance.
I don't do well with trust. I've said for years that I generally operate on a until-you-prove-otherwise sort of system: you get complete trust, until you do something to prove you don't deserve it. That said, I'm guarded; I have a history to speak as to why. I will view you with the highest respect, assume you capable, etc.; I will not, however, tell you anything potentially hurting to me, because, admittedly, I don't know that such information might not come back at me from you. To me, it doesn't compromise this viewpoint of starting with trust in meeting people, because the point of this idea of trust is giving you the chance to earn and establish it; there's no use in coming at someone distrustful, immediately shutting down means of communication. In this, the expectation to build bridges of trust is primed from the outset; it's your choice as to whether to make it dormant. I am friendly while able to still control how much I get hurt; some damage must still be taken in such a system, but it's of my design and control.
I mention this, because there is heavy significance in how I view my friends. Likely a remnant of my judgmental mother, I see them as a representative of me; I'm proud of them (I assume the use of the term "friend" covers the notion that I care about them; it should go without saying).
But, more than anything, I trust them. For different things, as their specialty suits (I often went to Tommy in my Senior year of high school regarding relationships or discussing sexuality; I would not have gone to Tommy regarding my siblings, nor do I think he would have been particularly interested).
As a slight aside, I take seriously art (food is always an art; I still resist seeing anime as anything than a tired genre that repeats itself and is divorced from reality in ways that fail to give me (at the very least) anything of importance). And if anyone I think highly of sticks on a particular issue (particularly for years), I give serious credence to their point. If a multitude of them do it, even more so.
As I said, arbitrary.
Comments (3)
I often assume more bad than good when I meet a new person, but I think that doesn't change anything in how I communicate with them. Of course everyone gets their chance, but it can take a while, because I rather have people prove their trustworthiness in other ways than not hurting ME. I think I just rather go with "expect the worst, and you won't get a bad surprise". I don't like being dissapointed.
@under_the_carpet – True, I guess the timeliness of it just bothers me personally (you can also hold people more fully accountable when you're upfront; you were cooperative, what excuse do they have).Ultimately, though, I'm fine with what you propose because it still allows a fair way in. It's a more slow version of what I propose, but ultimately the same thing; it's based on the person proving their credentials, which is a fair request.I was more placing myself in opposition to those who, right out the bend, assume the worse and, therefore, sabotage the whole thing than rather ever risk the outcome; after all, even those who prove themselves for 12 years can undo it with a simple betrayal. But to be open at all is to be vulnerable. Do you throw out the baby with the bath water?
@thirst2 - the last sentence made me laugh!!! it's not that I don't hold people accountable, just not when it comes to personal issues, because obviously I don't tell them personal stuff when I meet them. I can hold them accountable on political issues or other "stupid" opinions too. When they are ready to change their mind or manage to change mine, it's a plus. I just try to find out how they think. When I know they think similiarly to how I think, I don't mind opening up. There are probabaly always different perspectives, but it's important to have a certain basis of thought where you can find your common ground. With some people, that simply doesn't exist. When it's not about a subject but more about how much I annoy people, I tend to 'blame' myself. I don't feel betrayed when someone 'drops' me, or shuts me out, just dropped. And I won't fight for more than. I hope I get better at perceiving signals and not sending the wrong ones (like being demanding or something). Even though, even there are certain thought patterns that I prefer and that can be 'detected' before.
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