August 1, 2011
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For at least the past four years I've said that a likely needed criteria for any future partner would be that the individual have depression. While Laura actually wound up disagreeing with me, I've kinda felt like someone who hasn't suffered some large traumatic experience or dealt with long-term depression wouldn't quite understand, well, me.
See, I had thought of this situation one time that, without any rational experience, made so much intuitive sense that I'm willing to stick by it. As if I experienced it myself, I guess. Basically, I feel that if I came to someone who hasn't had depression (or something similar), they would approach it like they need to fix it – which makes sense.
Except (at least clinical) depression never goes away (or it's very rare). And, you know, being anti-social or wanting to pull away are things that will be constant. I don't know how to explain that listlessness that's all too common. Or how you even support that. And I just see that person becoming irritated over time.
Yet someone who either has depression as well or knows it well enough would, simply, understand that situation. In a way that you could only understand if you've experienced it, they'd understand that you're not going to "solve" it, ever; you have to deal with it differently.
Honestly, that's why I surround myself with people with depression, ED, SI, or any other mental disorder. I might say we're all people intimately acquainted with addiction, but I don't feel I'd find the same connection with an alcoholic (though that might just be my own ignorance).
The point is, I feel more at home with them. We see the world differently, see things the world doesn't – they make more sense to me. And I'm not certain I'd be able to truly deal with my own depression without that connection. Because it's not going to be solved because it'll never go away – it needs to be understood, something so ingrained and intertwined into yourself, so attuned to your emotions.
I enjoy hanging out with my siblings because sometimes it allows for those singular moments that I can escape to that aren't open in nearly any other facet of society. Sometimes it's just crass humor (or laughing at things because they're so odd or unconventional from the normal "social" means of behaving) to those moments where I'm reminded just how similar and in line in thought we are.
My brother and I are in the basement around 9:30 P. M. and the dog's sleeping on my sleeping back with us. As my brother picks up some of his dishes to bring upstairs, he asks me, "Think we should put him in his cage for the night?"
I respond, "Naw, wait 'til mom or dad yells at us. He's sleeping now, and I'd rather keep him by us."
My brother goes, "Yeah, just 'cause…" and then hesitates before finishing with, "you like him, right?"
We both simultaneously respond, "Yeah…"
This is the first day in the last 2 and a half months that I've been actually happy or, at the very least, like there isn't some sort of weight around my neck.
It will be gone tomorrow.
Comments (2)
I used to think that this was true. Just because my parents never physically abused me, does not mean that I cannot be compassionate toward abuse victims. I grew up thinking that I had never been abused by anyone and had no legitimate reason to feel depressed the way I did. Through therapy I found many reasons. When I finally allowed myself to have feelings about how I was treated and what had happened to me growing up, I realized that something did happen that was unacceptable, but because I was surrounded by people who didn't see it as an issue, I grew up believing that it was normal and I had nothing bad going on. Looking back, my life feels so completely different.
I have had relationships with people who did not experience any trauma. Until they met me. They opened up about what traumas they had experiences and I came to find them as less emotionally stable that I am. Because someone hides their depression well, does not mean that they are not depressed or not struggling with something. I have incredible friends who have helped me through terrible parts of my life. These friends are both suffers and people who do not suffer from depression or other mental illness.
I think once you get out on your own and away from the toxicity of your current home, things may feel much lighter. It's amazing how much not being dragged down by your family on a regular basis can lift you.
I love you and I hope you moments of peace in all of your days.
I am depressed and have an e.d. but I still constantly try to fix people. At least that's something I believe to observe, when I re-read my comments. I comment on many people's blogs who have similiar issues...I mean that's why I am here on this site in the first place. (To find someone to relate to). I always write something to give advice when someone talks about their problems. " your view is not clear because of yur illess, please look at it that way" "starving yourself is not healthy for you" "you need therapy, maybe this and that kind wold be helpful" "tell your therapist (or spouse, mum, dad, friend, bf, gf):'...' " "if yo dont..., then you will....". I think I can sound incredibly annoying and know it all. Of course I know that people know this themselves. But it is my way of showing that I care, because i have not learned it an other wy. I can also imagine that soetimes people just need a hug, and someone who is well, there, for example by just saying that they can relate. I have my problems with that. I feel like it's not enough. I somehow think it could discourage them, more than they ought to be. Also it's so easiy said, that you can relate and I feel like I wasn't making an effort. It is probabaly all bc I am such an awkward person, sometimes I feel like I was overstepping boundaries if I get too kind. I don't expect my advice to always work though....but looking at the way I talk I am not surprised if people think I was arrogant and know-it all. So yeah, I'm depressed, but I still have this fixing-idea to an extend.
I feel the same bot partners tough. I mean geerally speaking of course. I got to know a few people who did seem awesome without being depressed,...perhaps I just didn't know about their issues, perhaps they were smart enough to nderstand without being depressed. For the large picture I agree..people tend to under stand more when they have been through something of that sort. I woldn't want to be with someone to whom it's some kind of mystery. i'd constantly feel like a burden.
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