Father

  • My father stomps down the stairs today and asks, "Are you aggressively looking for a job this summer?"

    The implication is simple (as it always is). He has assumed that I am not, that I haven't even bothered. Like always. Because when I usually do respond with the affirmative to something, he responds with a surprised, "Oh." Honestly, I don't understand how some people are completely unaware to body language.

     

     

    Respect, for me, is huge. How you conduct yourself towards others means a lot to me. I try to be the best person, always, that I can to anyone else I meet. I consider that a duty and an obligation on my part. Ask any of my friends about my character and they'll respond positively (or, at least, I would hope that they do; I certainly aim for it).

     

    Insult me, belittle me, I'll ignore you. I'll even probably let it slide the first couple of times. But I will not repeatedly tolerate such abuse. I don't want it, I don't need it. But, more than anything - out of the pathetically minuscule self-confidence that I have -, I have worked for my respect. Every day, every hour, every minute. I am patient, I am consistently willing to listen to others and give aid when applicable, and I consider my conduct in respect to others.

    I will not be deprecated.

    So, when you ask me, "Are you aggressively looking for a job this summer?" while every bit of your body language, down to your vocal inflections, tell me that - as far as you're concerned - you know the answer to this question, when you go on to tell me that I "need a little more pushing and guidance than others" to remind me that everything I do - no matter how badly I try - just doesn't live up to your expectations, do not expect me to respond.

    I don't particularly appreciate being implicitly told that your love is conditional on whether I choose to tuck in a shirt or put on a belt, or whether I happen to do poorly in school despite putting in my best effort.

    Because, in spite of my depression (something I seem to've inherited from either you or mom, I might just add, seeing as all of my siblings have it), I manage to make my deadlines, do at least decently well in school, and do the tasks I need to (regardless of whether you bother to notice or realize). And I might not wake up before noon on days that I don't have any responsibilities but you always did have a hard time understanding anything that did not meet your precise and arbitrary demands and expectations.

    However - more than anything - when I get angry, I hold my tongue to those who were not involved or to blame. When I have a bad day, I watch what I say. I put others before myself and precisely be sure that their respect is properly regarded and treated.

    Out of what little I have in this world, you will not take my dignity from me. I get - that - much.

  • Your "rampant irresponsibility"?  Your sarcasm to me was rude.  Yes, I think that you could be more responsible.  What about the Spring Break trip that you suddenly cancelled so I had to scramble to find airline tickets that cost almost double that which we normally pay.  I also remember that once you overslept and completely missed your trip home so we had to put you on stand-by which cost extra.  And, I also remember a paper that you barely turned in on time.
     
    In my mind, there are two extremes.  You can either admit to yourself that sometimes you aren't a perfectly responsible person and try harder.  Or, I suppose, in rebellion, you could say to yourself that your dad thinks that sometimes you are irresposible and therefore you'll show him just how irresponsible you can be!  Or you can do something in between.  And you can realize that when control is taken away from me, the frustration factor becomes exponential.
     

    Love always,

     

    Dad 
    -----------------------------------------------
    Rude to you? Oh, pardon me! Yes, what about that Spring Break trip? You know, the one where my friend out of no where had to cancel due to family issues. Was it short notice? Yes. What it sudden? Yes. Should I have had a backup plan in the event that an unforeseen event on her end might have cropped up (or maybe she have some solution to help me out, seeing as she canceled)? Maybe. I'll let you be the judge of that. But to peg me as being terribly irresponsible when holding up all my ends of the situation and in light of a family issue on her part?
     
    Fuck you. The blinding arrogance with which you feel entitled to so flagrantly judge my character in this situation is enough to make me foam right now.
     
    Oh, OH - and my over sleeping?? You mean for the two weeks load of work for a final project along with the workload of finals week for three other classes that I had to get less than 4 hours of sleep each for several weeks straight - ALL OF WHICH WAS TO RAISE A GPA THAT, I MIGHT REMIND (while important for practical reasons as well, certainly), YOU DEMANDED I RAISE - and I was irresponsible. Oh! No! You're absolutely right! The responsible thing would have been to not bother getting the work done! Fuck the work! I should get more sleep because making the bus shuttle in two weeks is wholly more important than my school work! Well fuck me silly! OF COURSE. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to get those 4 hours of sleep that caused me to turn off all SIX of my alarms and caused me to miss the shuttle. Sure, I'll take that. Poor choice. No, wait, I'm sorry - clearly it's flagrant and utter irresponsibility. Now excuse me while I go shoot up crystal meth during the middle of the school year.
     
    Oh, also, that "cost extra" - the extra I offered to cover entirely since I said the entire thing was my fault (you know, in my utter irresponsibility). Or how I managed to get a ride for FREE (admittedly, with the help of my amazing friends, without whom I'd be utterly no where in life) when most people refused to give me one unless I paid upwards of 100 dollars for? Because, you know, I have no concept of money and how to be responsible with it. That's why when I offered to stay on campus when we didn't have a plan and thought it would cost a ton extra to get me back home, my parents INSISTED I come home anyway. Because I have no concept of reality, you see.
     
     
    Yeah, barely turned a paper in on time, just about every time. Funny how depression AND anxiety does that to you. Oh, wait, sorry, those aren't legitimate disabilities. Excuse me while I go sleep another 14 hours. Then try to balance my work load. And also relive the fun of writing a paper during a panic attack.
     
    FUCK - YOU.
     
     
     
     
    In MY mind, there were two choices you had. You could have looked at my last E-mail and noted that my response didn't make much sense. You could have noted that I said I was in a hurry and maybe go, "Well, maybe he didn't read it properly." You know, at bare minimum you could have noted that MY RESPONSE DIDN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE. You could have taken this as the obvious thing it is - I didn't answer the question.
     
    Therefore, I might have been ahead of taking care of things. I might have been behind. I might have been JUST on top of things.
     
    But no - because you're so much more vastly an intelligent person than I am, you decided to interpret this as meaning that I MUST be behind in my work (don't worry any, I have an even lower opinion and expectation of you). And you decided that in light of your interpretation of my inability to function that insulting my character, being, personage, and belittling me as a father was the appropriate thing to do by telling me that my irresponsibility was maddening.
     
    Now, if I was being irresponsible, I might take this. Or, at least, any response I could give back would be futile. However, that's not what happened, did it? No, instead when you stuck out your hand for a handshake and I handed you a drink instead, you decided this meant I didn't feel it necessary to introduce myself and decided to slap me for it. No bother to assume that maybe I thought sticking your hand out meant you wanted a drink. Not even bothering to question why handing you a drink instead of shaking your hand might've occurred. No, clearly I'm just trying to be rude.
     
    FUCK - YOU.
     
    Because, really, that's the only response you deserve for this utterly insulting and belittling response you have given me. You deserve no response, no explanation - because at 40 something years old, if THAT'S what you consider appropriate for treating people, you do not deserve to have a family, let alone be social.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    And in Other Things I'll Never Publicly Say (which usually boils down to things I'm not entirely sure I'm justified in):
     
    I feel utterly and entirely alone for at least 15 hours out of every day. I don't have a single close friend here still. And I'm still strongly convinced it's mostly my fault.
     
    I also feel so lonely (romantically) that I'd probably lose my virginity and not even realize it until after the fact if someone tried to hook up with me. I just want to remember what it feels like to hold someone, again.
     
    I'm not the type of person that anyone chases after and of those, what, 7 who have I've either not felt the same or they realized they made a mistake and quickly left me. I'm too depressing. It sounds utterly pretentious (but I don't know how else to say it), I want to have intellectual discussions too much. I'm too damn lukewarm to spark really anyone's interest. I'm too timid from uncertainty. Don't expect me to make the first move (I probably wouldn't even know how if I had the courage to try). In the last two years, literally no one has taken interest in me. And for the last guy who did, it turns out I wasn't what he was expecting (go figure).
     
    I don't have as much of an appetite for regular food generally. I consume sugar for energy. I consume sugar for the crash to stabilize my emotions, at a rate that I wouldn't be surprised to get diabetes type 2.
     
    I'm not entirely sure I'll pass all my classes this semester. I also wholly don't care (for now).
     
    I hate voluntarily opening up. And, if you haven't guessed yet, being embarrassed/shamed; it's likely my biggest weak spot, without fail.
  • Your "rampant irresponsibility"?  Your sarcasm to me was rude.  Yes, I think that you could be more responsible.  What about the Spring Break trip that you suddenly cancelled so I had to scramble to find airline tickets that cost almost double that which we normally pay.  I also remember that once you overslept and completely missed your trip home so we had to put you on stand-by which cost extra.  And, I also remember a paper that you barely turned in on time.
     
    In my mind, there are two extremes.  You can either admit to yourself that sometimes you aren't a perfectly responsible person and try harder.  Or, I suppose, in rebellion, you could say to yourself that your dad thinks that sometimes you are irresposible and therefore you'll show him just how irresponsible you can be!  Or you can do something in between.  And you can realize that when control is taken away from me, the frustration factor becomes exponential.
     

    Love always,

     

    Dad

    From: Jaft <wamm_kd_schmelingski@yahoo.com>
    To: Gene Schmeling <gejnnschmeling@sbcglobal.net>
    Sent: Wed, May 18, 2011 2:55:55 AM
    Subject: Re: Storage


    Well, you know me in my rampant irresponsibility. The pod is coming Friday and staying for 5 days after that. One of the people sharing the pod with Dodi and I has paid for it and needs us each to pay our part. This totals to 115 dollars. If possible, put this on my card for me to withdraw and give to her.
    --- On Thu, 5/12/11, Gene Schmeling <gejnnschmeling@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

    From: Gene Schmeling <gejnnschmeling@sbcglobal.net>
    Subject: Re: Storage
    To: "Jonathan Schmeling" <wamm_kd_schmelingski@yahoo.com>
    Date: Thursday, May 12, 2011, 9:01 PM

    I spoke with Dominique yesterday and she cleared everything up.  I don't understand why you don't take the 2 minutes to respond back to my emails about something that really only affects you?  It doesn't seem very decent of you.
     
    Love always,
     
    Dad

    From: Gene Schmeling <gejnnschmeling@sbcglobal.net>
    To: Jaft <wamm_kd_schmelingski@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Tue, May 10, 2011 6:02:20 PM
    Subject: Re: Storage

    Have you taken care of the Summer storage issue, yet?
    Dad

    From: Gene Schmeling <gejnnschmeling@sbcglobal.net>
    To: Jaft <wamm_kd_schmelingski@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Mon, May 9, 2011 11:16:15 PM
    Subject: Re: Storage

     
    Jonathan, you to need have a storage area rented for this Summer.  You were supposed to have gone in with Dodi.  Did either you or her rent the storage area already?  There's only 2 weeks left before school ends.  I expect you to respond as soon as you can!  Your irresponsibility is really maddening.
     

    Sincerely,

    Gene Schmeling

     

     

     

     

     

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  • I suppose I haven't done a thorough (nor, often enough, coherant) personal entry in a while.

    If you want to know a fundamental aspect of me (that, actually, I don't really talk about often), I consider how one acts (all the time) to be the embodiment of their sentiments. In other words, practice what you preach. If you wouldn't say it in front of the person, what in the world makes you think it alright to say it when they're not around? Or, to use a familiar example, – if you're being monogamous and it's not an open relationship – you shouldn't be thinking/fantasizing about other people when dating or married to someone else. I am in no way a supporter of, "You can look, but you can't touch."

    And, as I've mentioned on here in probably plentiful heaps, I am not a supporter of physical attractiveness. It's basically wired into us genetically, yes, but – like, for example, choosing to have sex or not – it's still a choice as to what decisions you make surrounding the subject. Simply, such a system (and the way we've made how we react in society to it and the way we talk about it and the way we treat it have truly have made it a system) that excludes others I can never give approval to. I have played with the idea (in part because I've noticed that our actual obsessions about attractiveness tend to be unhealthy and also very narrow, thereby skipping over many aspects that I don't understand why they don't receive more attention – read here for full understanding) of every person pursuing the totality of their own personal tastes in attractiveness (since, – arguably – in a society that treats attractiveness in a healthy and nonjudgmental way, the diversity of everyone's tastes would be wide enough that there couldn't possibly be significant overlap when comparing person to person) since the theory would be that the result is everyone gets covered somewhere in being considered attractive. However, if I'm being honest, everyone wouldn't. That's the entire reason behind my protest to begin with. And, even if everyone wasn't, if there's only someone in Asia who would find someone in North America attractive (let's assume near worst case here) and neither person moves, that person in North America will still overwhelmingly likely die alone.

    The fact of the matter is that there will consistently be people who are cheated out of this system because they didn't fit the bill in requirements that they had absolutely no control over – their genetics.

    So, knowing all this about me, I'm having dinner with my friend Chelsea and my cousin Dominique earlier today. I forget at what point the conversation changed but I remember Chelsea or Dods asking me if I'll shave.

    For those who don't know me in real life, I provide photographic evidence of my hairiness:

    I've never shaved. I started growing facial hair around 4th or 5th grade, and I've never dissuaded the little guys. As you might imagine, my beard didn't exactly grow in perfectly. It came in patches (which, looking back, looked pretty damn ridiculous – more so than now – back in the day). Not trimming it means I have over-confidant strands that try to stick out by being longer than the rest.

    As you might imagine, I've had people try to convince me to get rid of the food collector. Every time I go back home – guess what my mom and aunt talk about? My friends (as Chelsea and Dodi might have given you clue to)? You bet. People I've just met (though I actually tend to get the affirmative from people I just met more often)? Oh, definitely.

    Some people even just downright amuse me (and infuriate me intellectually). Some people, believe it or not, actually get angry at me. Like, visibly frustrated as if they're talking to an ignorant, stubborn individual (forgive my over-self-confidence). I've seen that type of frustration and determination before. It's generally the reaction that my dad gets when I happened to not iron a shirt. "Why have you disobeyed society's rules?!?!" It's the frustration of someone who is doing something simply because they've been told to and don't seem to have the will-power to remotely question it (or, at least, allow others to autonomously deal with the situation in the way they choose and not simply accept the fact that the other person's decision isn't going to effect them anyway). I'm not saying that everyone reacts that way. But some do.

    No, most people, I'd say, tell me to shave (or at least trim) out of a sincere desire to see the best for me or because they earnestly believe in the notion of shaving. I don't view them as being intellectually retarded (I am using retarded by its definition, not as a swipe at the mentally disabled/retarded), at the very least.

    Now, let me explain why I refuse to shave. As I said at the beginning of this, I feel that all your actions (private and public) should reflect your beliefs. As you might imagine, I take to heart Gandhi's words, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." So, I partially will not shave because, for that minority out there that literally have their entire world view challenged when they encounter the ferocity of my androgens, they inspire my perilous fight every time they visibly become utterly uncomfortable. I feel it's every living individual's duty to challenge them and better them.

    The other reason goes back to my other continuous fight – attractiveness. Apparently, I'd be really attractive if I'd just shaved. I've been so told many times, often in an attempt to convince me to shave (apparently my very public stance about physical attractiveness somehow doesn't invalidate this as an argument point in people's minds). In fact, this was the stressed part in Chelsea and Dods argument. I seem to not "realize the opportunities that are open to [me] at the moment." Apparently there's a very attractive girl that's within my reaches if only I'd just shave (to quote Chelsea, were the girl gay, she'd totally go after her). Also she seems to be intelligent according to the two (a better selling point, in my humble opinion, than the previous one). And, considering that I've been single for the past three years (roughly), what's not to like about this situation? All it would take is a simple shaving. 5 minutes of my time for a badly done job.

    However, I refuse to accept or endorse this system. I don't like it. Not one bit. And I don't want to support it. Others may believe in it – fine, they certainly have every right to. But don't make me do so. Because, as I've said, someone gets cut out of this system. And, frankly, that's all I need to know. That's all that governs my life; there's no way you will ever make headway with me if someone else is getting disadvantaged. I'm a humanistic Catholic; I promise you, all further arguments are useless on me if the integrity and respect of each individual is not kept in mind. It honestly gets no more complicated than that.

    And if principle isn't enough to sway you, then consider this. You want a companion that will care more about you than just what you look like? Take both Emma and Laura, if you will. Laura hated my beard and Emma tried (though not too hard, nicely enough) to convince me to shave too. Both dated me in spite of the beard anyway. Know what that tells me? Despite my position and my unwillingness to budge on it, they still were invested or interested in me enough to put that aside. Sure, it can be scratchy and, therefore, unpleasant. That's a reasonable argument. However, part of also why I keep it is to weed out where the attention is being placed in my relationships. I could safely shave with either Emma or Laura, were I still dating either, without worrying about such a minimal change being a maker or breaker for the relationship.

    Now, honestly, I'm flattered that someone apparently would be willing to consider to date me (tells you how much attention I usually get, don't it?). I was thoroughly amused by Chelsea and Dodi's pleading. But, in the end, I still stand where I've stood in the past. I'm not willing to sell out to this pathetic system or lower my standards just because I'm lonely. If someone can get me an argument, fine. But no one has been able to convince me in the 7 some years I've had these opinions.

    And, if you're unable to still get behind the appearance argument, consider this. The beard is not dirty. Hell, I don't have dry skin around my chin, so it's not like there's even dandruff. Basically, the fuss is just being made over unkempt hair. If we apply this to the top of my head and pretended I didn't have a beard, it's the equivalent of someone not wanting to date me just because I don't comb my hair. I can be successful, a good student, kind, considerate, funny, etc. But I don't comb my hair.

    Yeah, I really want to date her too.

     

    [note: I should mention that this is all under the very tentative knowledge I've been given of the girl. She may not actually be interested in me and it's just my cousin and friend getting all in a twixt and jumping the gun. However, if she is interested in me and simply will not go forward with that due to my beard, I honestly think that's shallow. I don't generally like slinging insults but, if I'm being honest, that's what it boils down to. However, given my overall lack of concrete knowledge here, who knows where things actually stand]

  • I think what terrifies me the most when it comes to my dad is just how similar we are (or I am to how he was as a kid/adolescent). And I think what terrifies me even further is how different we are in that similarity.

    That was terribly cryptic. I'm learning (or, rather, coming to admit) that it seems near impossible for me to voice personal matters of my own of my own volition.

  • Can't you please answer my questions?  You're so frustrating!  Don't you want anyone to care about you?!  People that love you will always try to tell you to do what they think is best, but that doesn't mean that you need to do it or ignore it.  Every situation is different.  But, for some of the things that I've got listed below, we need you're help to help you.
     
    Honestly, I sometimes don't get you.  It's hard to touch/reach you when you isolate yourself from me.  I just wish we were closer.  Is there any way that we can be closer?

    Love always,
    Dad

     

     

    Would it be considered cruel of me to only respond with a, "No"? Yeah, I know, I should stop asking questions I don't care about the answer for.

    There's a dream I've had. I've only had it twice but that's really more than enough, as far as I'm concerned. I believe both times it involved some event with the family. It's usually (I think) attached onto another dream, with the scene that's moved into including the entire family. My father is talking and I'm steadily getting more irritated. I say things which are ignored or taken the wrong way. I start to get snarky, becoming more caustically sarcastic and deliberately hurtful in what I say. This continues until I boil over and sort of stop everything else that's going on. In the last time I had this dream, we were all in the car and I - somehow - cause my dad to stop the car. I jump out and I'm absolutely livid. I'm shrieking at this point, completely shaking in my rage as I'm divulging literally every single grievance, hurt, and memory that's bothered me, ever. And I'm not being sarcastic anymore, or convoluted, or even just expecting him to get it without me explaining it; I am, in as clear of language as I possibly can, shouting every problem I've ever had and explaining why they've bothered me. The anger should get his attention, disallowing any possible distraction or to think that any of this is dismissible; the explanation is blatantly clear to me (remembering this is a dream, we can assume that the explanation actually is plain as day and ought to make sense).

    And he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. And it's not even not understanding because he's too selfish or because he doesn't want to. And it's not understanding but simply not caring anyway. It's like he literally cannot understand so clear and obvious explanations, earnestly and honestly, and so all he wants to know is why in the world am I yelling at him, what did he possibly do to deserve such angry and violent behavior.

  • When my dad broke into buildings as a youth, he stole shit and eventually got caught by the cops.

    When my friends and I broke into a building, we marveled at what fixtures hadn't been removed and what it must have looked like before being closed, ahh-ed at old records of famous litarary works lying around (as well as on old school fire alarm bell) and the boxes of old files and college theses that we found, and scoured our eyes over the original blueprints. And Lord of the Rings references to Khazad-dûm (Moria); many Lord of the Rings references.

  • My Dad on Facebook:

         Dude!
         When you PC is on, does that mean that iPhone is also on?

     

    Dad...you're 50-something years old. I'm pretty sure the only people who ever use the term dude with me are Ohioan teen girls. You should be stable and sage-like like wrybreadspread; your age is your asset.

    Alright, I'm totally stereotyping him, I admit (and am totally guilty). And, obviously, I'm largely kidding; he's only checking up on me. But there's something that just feels unnatural about him using that.

     

     

    Alright, DAY TWO.

    I hadn't really thought about keeping track of how this little experiment would go but I figure why not? Could be amusing. Plus, I haven't properly kept track of anything I've done for years (as you might've garnered from this "journal", seeing as I rarely give updates about what happens in my day-to-day life). I'd be interested to look back and see how things have progressed, sort of a further way to gauge the effectiveness of this new sleep pattern.

    So, last I left you, I remember mentioning that one of my nap times would be at 12. First, in part due to my depression and my acquired coping method of planning some things out as a way to stay organized, I get very disoriented and emotionally rattled when things don't go as planned. What's this got to do with sleeping? Nothing directly but it gives you an idea of my mindset when I woke up an hour and a half after my intended 20 minute nap and more than half of my class had been missed.

    Thankfully Professor Kent was understanding (that's because she's amazingly awesome and why I chose her as my adviser). However, of course, this screwed up my schedule. So, I have over slept once thus far.

    The extra hour has made falling asleep more difficult, since it's extra energy I hadn't intended. It also will off-set my body from recognizing that I'm only getting 20 minutes of sleep per interval. Apparently it thinks that I only do so by 2 hours at the moment (hence why I woke up and didn't just sleep through the rest of today); I'm not sure why. I haven't consistantly only slept for only 2 hours multiple times lately.

    Admittedly, if my sleep patterns have been anything lately, they've been sporadic and out of place. 3 or 4 days ago I had a paper to write, which wound up using the whole night. Considering that it helps to work when you're not groggy, I've been experimenting with sleeping in short intervals while you work since last semester.

    My whole "Sleep 10 minutes and then work 30, repeat" didn't work quite well when I wound up just sleeping, waking up at when I usually set my alarm - without the help of my alarm (seeing as I fell asleep without intention, you might imagine that I hadn't set an alarm for that day). While the sleep was utterly refreshing, it only gave me 5 hours to do my paper, seeing as I still had math homework that had to be done before class and comp. sci. homework due sometime that day. It all got done, but it wasn't very useful.

    With the paper I worked on 3 or 4 days ago, I tried sleeping for 5 minutes and then just working between those (I didn't really pay much attention to how long I worked between the intervals. Truth be told, I wound up at some points doing 5 minutes work, 5 minutes sleep. I cave easily). That actually worked quite well, except for one instance where I seemed to've missed the alarm and slept for 1.5 to 2 hours. Otherwise, though, I didn't fall asleep for anytime longer and the paper got done. What interested me most about it, though, was that I didn't have any of the tiredness that normally accompanies an all-nighter (varying on how much sleep I've had the week before, of course). I was totally at normal energy 'til the end of the day.

     

    While not a direct thought that I had, this attempt to bring my sleep patterns under some logical sense is part of what interested me in getting polyphasic sleep. But this also makes me wary.

    According to the article I posted last entry, the writer found that he becomes dependent on that schedule. Varying far from it winds up in him getting exhausted. I suppose what weirds me out about this is that our conventional (though misguided) way of measuring benefit from sleep is simple and very capable of being concrete - how many hours did you sleep? Measurable.

    This new sleep pattern acknowledges that REM is the useful sleep I need and that outside of REM is unnecessary. So, in other words, outside of my constructed schedule, I have no way of measuring if I've gotten the right amount of sleep. I mean, even the notion of just getting 2 hours per day runs utterly contrary to how we usually think of sleep.

     

    This is most easily demonstrated in the way the rest of my naps went. While I'm using the article I showed you guys as a guide, I've also got to be skeptical. For one, the guy is a vegan and, guessing completely wildly based on what little of how he describes his eating style, probably a more healthy eater than me. This could make a difference. The most clear way is when he mentions caffeine.

    I forget if I've mentioned it here, but I have a quite consistent addiction to sugar. To prop up my sporadic sleep schedule (or lack thereof), it comes in handy. If I crash, just take some more. Naturally, I'm not opposed to using caffeine the same way, if needed (though I don't think I have an addiction to it). And, really, it's kinda hard to avoid on a college campus.

    So, while not a part of his diet, they're quite a consistent part of mine. He tried playing with using caffeine to stay awake, possibly to skip one of the 20 minute interval naps completely, and it didn't work.

    But would it work for me? Better yet, will getting into the cycle be more difficult if I'm drinking soda right before I try to take a nap? I only had some during dinner, so it wasn't really a problem today, but they're things to keep in mind.

    The other difference I want to highlight is that he said he felt like a zombie for the first few days because the body isn't used to jumping right into REM sleep, meaning that the 20 minute naps were pretty much useless sleep. So, ironically enough, sleep deprivation ensued.

    Me, on the other hand - well, I'm quite well acquainted with sleep deprivation (as we probably have learned quite well in these two most recent posts alone). Despite my 1.5 hour nap today, I've been pretty fine throughout the day. Towards the end I could feel being tired, but nothing at all like the haziness that follows, say, only getting 2-3 hours of sleep the night before. It was kinda like the grogginess was there in the background but you could easily push it aside.

    However, this is further confusing since I haven't had much REM sleep today (er, yesterday; you know). In fact, as the day wore on, the more I got less REM sleep from my naps. So it's not like they've been sustaining me. Of course, my naps have been wherever I can take them (namely the science buildings and the student center). I always feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't by sleeping in public places, so I rarely can fall asleep easily. And, of course, I'm often on whatever sofa/chair I can find, so it's not exactly comfy.

    That said, my latest nap sticks out the most. The previous hours of the day had followed like I described. Being 3 in the morning, I decided to head back to my dorm before going back to the science buildings to finish my lab. I figured sleep in my own bed would help me along and get me the sleep I'm trying to achieve.

    Instead, it felt like I couldn't get any sleep at all. I kinda laid there and rested, but obviously no REM came from that. Since I felt groggy as a result, I figured I'd stay in bed for 20 more minutes in hope of getting any sleep. I kinda don't recall everything, so I might've fallen asleep. Seeing how it played out, I'm not sure if I want to call it over-sleeping.

    However, more than anything, such (unproductive) sleep made me groggier than all of today possibly did. I normally just got up after each nap, feeling like I didn't exactly gain all I could (like I said, most of my naps are still not REM sleep), but feeling that background grogginess that basically meant I still had more energy than I normally would for the amount of sleep I've been getting.

    Walking back to the science quad has shook off much of the grogginess, but I'm still more tired. So, I'm wondering if I'm reaching the part where the writer of the article I posted felt like a zombie. But, again, it's hard to gauge given the differences between our circumstances.

     

    I guess the last thing I want to say is how useful this could be, if I can properly shift myself to this sleep schedule. While I'd prefer all of the other benefits that supposedly go with this sleep schedule (more vivid dreams, more energy and alertness), it seems I'm able to sustain myself better this way already. Considering I'm only getting 2 hours of sleep per day, groggy but more energy than a concentrated 2 hours of sleep is not a bad trade-off. Again, it presents sleep in a way that I can't possibly do anything with. I wouldn't even begin to know how to stray from the schedule while maintaining the energy conserved. But such is the elusiveness of REM.

    Regardless, the time gained should be great. I mean, 22 hour days? It's like the perfect solution. I'd've made it up if I hadn't found it to be true. It's basically the eradication of sleep from your day - and, yet, utterly not so since what you're really doing is utilizing sleep to its utmost potential and, therefore, requiring less of it.

    For example, I probably would've never gotten this lab done today - I'm almost finished, but, thanks to my new freed time, I have completely until 1 today to get it done, minus 40 minutes (2 naps). I could get more homework done. I could free up time to finally write back to my friends, seeing as I've pretty much had no time to do so. Hell, I could manage my clubs better.

    And, more than anything, I can witness the glory that is night and (even) early morning. I can get breakfast everyday. I mean, for anyone who's an early riser, this seems ridiculous. But, seeing as I had trouble capping my sleep at even 12 hours, to suddenly take TEN of those hours back? This is phenomenal.

    I'm seriously hoping my body will be able to adapt efficiently to the schedule.

  • Xhiddenxtearzx (6:43:39 PM): i love him jon.

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:46:20 PM): then I'm happy for you. really happy. because you deserve to be happy. heh, life works out, occassionally

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:47:03 PM): =].

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:48:10 PM): if someone would've told me at the beginning of the school year that i'd feel this way about them i would've called them an idiot.

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:48:46 PM): heh. nice

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:49:03 PM): i'm not kidding.

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:49:46 PM): and i can honestly say i've only ever felt like this once before.

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:50:42 PM): really? then this seems to be genuine

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:50:53 PM): not that I doubted it before

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:51:11 PM): whats genuine mean?

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:52:12 PM): like, authentic. real.

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:52:31 PM): oh ok got it.

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:53:02 PM): wanna know something.

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:53:21 PM): sure

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:55:48 PM): the only other person i've felt this for is you.

    SBI MEZ M86 (6:58:44 PM): really? why? not like I don't believe you. you know. just curious. of all people

    Xhiddenxtearzx (6:59:48 PM): honestly i dont know why...its just like i have this connection with the 2 of you that i've never had with a guy before...

    Xhiddenxtearzx (7:00:41 PM): its weird i mean i just feel this connection with you and i feel it with anthony...i dont know exactly what it is..

    SBI MEZ M86 (7:04:28 PM): yeah. I know what you mean. well, I told you you're the only person I'm able to say that about, before, so. heh. I'm glad we were able to keep this friendship, even after everything. 'cause you're a closer friend to me than most. and we have been through a lot that has connected us, as you said

    Xhiddenxtearzx (7:05:33 PM): its just i feel as this is like a lifelong friendship no matter what happens...and that you'll always be there.

    SBI MEZ M86 (7:06:11 PM): yeah. I think it is

    Xhiddenxtearzx (7:06:22 PM): =] good.

    Xhiddenxtearzx (7:09:02 PM): i'm always so happy when i get to talk to you =].

    SBI MEZ M86 (7:13:28 PM): heh, same. you always are able to bring up my mood. and you're so easy to talk to
    Xhiddenxtearzx (7:13:52 PM):=].

    Sometime before Senior year started for high school, I decided I was going to make the most of my life as I could that year. I mean, it was my Senior year. I'm sure you know the expectations of such a year - your best of high school, yada yada, etc.

    So, that's how I headed into it. I enjoyed every second of band camp as much as I could, from the marching to the yelling to the hanging with friends to the music. I asked out Laura for the second time. I really got to know and get closer to more people than I had before and really just truly appreciated how many amazing friends I really have (something which was driven so much more home when I went to college). I made the most of Prom.

    Granted, I didn't go bungee jumping or anything. But I threw myself into everything I wanted to do, soaked up and enjoyed every part of any event that's been built up to be amazing or that I've come to expect to be amazing or fantastic. No regrets, no feeling sorry about things I didn't do. No worrying about the consequences or whatever. Granted, I didn't totally do all this (could you imagine me not regretting or beating myself up over the past entirely) but certainly did so to the best of my ability.

    And that was the point.

    As my life has gone through (major) changes and I've had to look at life differently, create more permanent certain outlooks on life - that hasn't changed all too much.

    Now, as above might show, I don't mean traveling around the world when I have no way to afford it. It doesn't mean dropping my job to go do something else.

    It means practical things which, given all the extra crap floating around in our lives and clogging up our energy and desire to do things, won't be dragged down and not fully enjoyed or just plain done when you don't have to not do it.

    So, for example, taking a trip down to Ohio? Parents would never let me do it. I've never driven that far (or for that long) before. I would need to pay for the gas, too. I could get caught. Not to mention what if something goes wrong? My old self might've looked at these things (let's assume that my old self can drive as good as me now, however, and has all similar benefits of this age) and said, "Too much to plan. Too much that might go wrong." My new attitude's immediate response was - Let's - do - it.

     

    See, I have this friend that I've known for roughly 4 to 5 years now. Her name's Jessica though almost everyone calls her Jessi and I call her jess.

    I met jess back from an old ex of mine, Rachel. Because I am continually the epitome of cool, I was doing the really cool thing that everyone did back then (don't deny it) and had a long distance relationship online. See, Rachel lived in Ohio (which is not where I live; just, you know, so we're totally clear).

    Funnily enough, Rachel and I didn't really go anywhere. As I recall, I dated her 3 days or so before I had to end it. Ironically, in that time, she happened to introduce me to jess. For whatever reason (I hardly ever bother to act first and almost always react to other people so it surprises me when I bother to pursue talking to others, especially for something as someone I met in a chatroom on AIM with my ex), jess and I developed a friendship after that first encounter.

    Further more ironic, we became extremely close.

    I'd have to look through old files and such to really understand how that progressed, but we talked more and more. Also just because of how jess is, I often knew exactly what was going on over there. Over time I got to know rather well even her cousins and what became a mutual friend of ours, Dillan.

    I suppose that's what really helped the friendship, that I'd often get exact updates as to what was going on in terms of what people were doing, what was going on, etc. Maybe I've used AIM for so long (or, more likely, maybe I talk with so many people I see on day-to-day basises now) that I don't get such detail from people.

    So, I talked to jess almost daily. Whenever she had a problem, something to complain about, or a problem that needed to be solved, I was there. We became incredibly close. So, what can I say? I fell for her. Not that I exactly realized it. But my relationship with jess, and the long and complicated history that goes with that, is a story that's really for another time. The thing to take away here is that we wound up dating; and, as the AIM conversation above might indicate, we both fell in love with each other. And that's not been something I've said lightly for 2 or 3 years now, nor something I'd say I fall easily into.

    Well, to be truly cursory, we broke up. That time was a long (it's scary how far away these days seem more and more) time ago. We've talked less and less.

    Not to say we're not still close. But we do talk significantly less. I'm not involved in jess's daily life, though I keep up with the major stuff (she graduated at the top of her class, got to deliver a speech to the school because of it, etc.). And, well, jess was always more of the talker while I just listened.

    And, despite all of this stuff we'd been through (and we've actually been through a lot, for people living in two opposite states - she nearly died several times and I had to find her help, I've talked her through situations when she was worried about hyperventilation, and other (less threatening) stuff) - we'd still never met in person.

    I mean, that was something I'm sure both of us figured would happen someday. But I couldn't possibly convince my parents to go down to Ohio, of all places, and I have no car. And I couldn't expect that she'd be able to do it, seeing as she's 2 or 3 years younger than me (depending on the time in the year).

    Well, despite my patience (which my dad continually reminds me of - though, it's a bad example because, compared to him, it's very easy to be more patient), I can be quite impatient at times.

    I wanted to see jess, in person, and I didn't feel like waiting anymore. Like I said, my old self would probably have said, "Woah, hold up now. I have at least 5 possible problems already. Can we think about (and only think about) this idea?" Me now said, "Can you come up with a rough, feasible plan? Life's for living, let's do it!"

    Her birthday is June 10th. As a (late) birthday present, I decided to leave Saturday, the 12th, to go see her.

    So, telling my parents I was going to see a friend at around 8:30-9 in the morning, I took off to go pick up my friend Mallika. And, together, we began our drive to Ohio.

    That was loads of fun. I wish I had some of the pictures we had taken to post, but I'm afraid I don't. But other than that and the many (many) things we discussed (some serious, some funny) along with the music we played on the way there, it was mostly just driving (and more driving). I hope you'll understand if I'd rather not recall specifics of conversation, and such; just trust it was good fun?

    Probably a statement of how close jess and I are, at first there didn't even seem to be anything weird about finally seeing her. She wasn't going to throw anything (in terms of behavior or what she'd say) at me that I wouldn't expect.

    But, as we neared, I started going over all doubts and such (my mind likes to exercise all possible arguments; this isn't always helpful because it sometimes causes me to doubt otherwise sound decisions).

    I mean, was I going there just because it was big and something to do, a cap to our never meeting thing? Or did I actually want to really see her? I mean, shouldn't I be more...I dunno, feel weird, than this? What would she say? I mean, we don't even talk as much as we used to. What if this ends up not being a big deal, in any way? What if it's So what? Oh, we met, big whoop. What if she isn't like I've known her, even? What if she's different in real life?

    In the end, though, these thoughts were put to rest. In the end, it was still jess, the same old girl I've know for years, the same girl I've listened to so many problem upon problem, the same girl I fell in love with years ago. You could play her voice to me years later and I'll still recognize it.

    And she was surprised, intensely, like I had wanted. And I cannot deny, there was something almost unreal about hugging her for the very first time. Ironically enough, as if I'd done it a million times and yet it actually was for the first time ever.

    As we were waiting outside of the building where she had been having her graduation party so that we could follow her back to her house, Mallika asked me (funnily enough, for the first time since I had asked if she wanted to accompany driving with me) why I had bothered to make this 6 hour long trip to Ohio and back, at risk of being caught for going. I had figured someone would ask. And - I have a terribly unbreakable habit of playing out scenarios of daily life in my head - I had imagined how this question might go. Would it be brief? Would I end up telling the whole story, emotions and all included?

    It ended up being very brief, just the outline of the story, but (in answering) I wound up really articulating why I had bothered to make such a trip. As I told Mallika how I had dated jess and mentioned how we had been through so much together - well, she's such a huge part of my life, how could I not make this trip? I'm terrible of keeping up with people (and my onslaughts of depression and unstable moods makes this so for even those I'm direly close to, no matter how close) but even years from now, we'll still be talking. I have a very strong feeling that we'll be seeing each other much more often once we get more independence.

    jess is...well, jess is a lot of things, though she'll fool you and make you think she's not. And, like a lot of the really important women in my life, I'm still trying to make sense of what exactly she's done to me, how she's impacted my life.

    So, I had to see her. Even if I don't do anything else this summer (ha, as if I'll allow that to happen...), I can definitely say it wasn't wasted.
    36404_466532207066_726327066_6293185_3897257_n

  • Random things about me:

    Listening to heavy metal through ear phones will always put me to sleep, just about. I love metal, but, if I'm not moving, there's just something absolutely lulling about it.

    There's something so incredibly comforting about the night (when I'm not plagued with depression or stress). I love the morning (which is why I've been actually bothering to try to wake up earlier this year), but there's something regally gorgeous about the night.

    I think I've almost fully lost faith in most of humanity - but this time I'm alright with that.

    I really, really like quotes, even after all this time. Which doesn't make sense because all sorts of mishaps happen when you take things out of context like that - background is always direly important. But I still use them almost compulsively.

    I really like contradictions. That's why, for example, both The Exorcist and Show Me Love are my favorite movies. There are some parts of The Exorcist that are just bad. Some of the acting still cracks me up in how over the top it seems, the violence is so rediculous sometimes to the point of me not able to take it seriously, and some of the choice of music and placement of that music is pathetic in how beating-you-over-the-head it is. Show Me Love is meant to be more like a home movie than a professional move in its film-work  so it's often incredibly awkward. Some of the actions of the characters are just funny in how bizarre they are. Yet both have these awesome themes and metaphors through them. Plus The Exorcist just nails so many parts, in terms of acting and what the characters are saying. They both basically cover all the bases, from dry humor (in part because of how ridiculous they sometimes are - I love awkward humor) to drama to fantastic filmwork to metaphors. It's a conglomorate mess that shouldn't work - and yet it does.

    I would know I found the right girl if she proposed to me instead of the other way around, I almost definitely want to adopt in the future, and I'm completely okay with being securely lower middle class. All of these things about me terrify my mother.

    I occasionally feel pathetic and selfish when my depression disables me to do anything or I feel unmotivated to do stuff because I know others have it so much worse than I do.

    On the flip side of that, my dad was talking to me about my major a couple days ago, and I was explaining why, while I love history, I could never do it as a major; see, part of this is that you have to search through a ton of books and do research before a paper for history while English only requires wrestling with one text in a completely thorough fashion, which allows for a deeper and more thorough look through the text and I'm better at that than what I would have to do for history. My father thinks this means that I chose English because it's easier; he says as much with utter disgust. Well, one, no. I just explained what it was for you guys. However - so what if it was? You see, my dad also finds it so irritating and incapable of judging his oldest son for the fact that I'm slower at getting things done and put things off. Ignoring that fact that he can't let so trivial a thing such as the means I get things done (it's not like they don't get done) not get in the way of how he views and treats me, let me put it this way - I go suicidal periodically throughout the year. He should be happy I'm still breathing to this day. You see, I have to monitor what I do, when I do it, and how I do it because something as simple as doing something when I really don't feel like dealing with work can mess up my entire emotional well being for the day. Yes - I take a while to do things. I have to take a while to do them. For my well-being. To be honest, I'm not apologizing to my parents, ever, for how I've lived my life. Every choice I've made were well-thought-out, logical choices which I had to make in the face of their oppressive (in, honestly, places that didn't even begin to affect them, so I don't understand why they felt the need to intrude upon my autonomy), immature, and selfish "parenting". I've done things I regret - how I raised myself will never be one of them.
    (sorry for dumping that on you guys, but I've needed to say something about that incident for a while now)

    I just dropped my laptop off my bed; thankfully, it's okay.

    I still have some of the coolest friends in the world.

    I honestly can't take what little I've heard of Like Water From Chocolate by Common Sense seriously. It keeps sounding like he's trying to combine street rap (so saying purposely inappropriate things and trying to be "real") and political rap (so talking about revolutions and caring about the black community, etc.). He sounds like a fool; I may have lost nearly all respect for him from this album alone (though I still need to listen to the album more fully to really be able to speak on it; "6th Sense" off the album is nearly flawless, though).

    I really want to get another rodent - and soon. I miss constantly caring about something, anything/anyone.
    z211862988Thanks for the picture, Rachael

     

    Btw, if it so interests any of you: http://www.themixtapeexchange.co.nr/