Why is it I have to be so patient and accepting (and sound like a conceited ass in that sentence)? I mean, I really do have enough to deal with. No, forgive me, I can't fill out every request for help. I wish I could, believe me. If I could just solve problems for the rest of my life (and be capable of it), I would. I'd quite enjoy it. But I really I can't. And here I am, listening to the problems and trying to offer support. Tad bit hypicritical Jon, wouldn't you say?

Honestly, I'm not that eye-catching. And I can't even solve my own problems. I'm a false hope if you believe in me.

I should be finishing my paper. I still have time. But I wasted the day. I'm tired.

You know, I would really like to rant about appearance right now - I know, I know, you guys have heard it all before. But when I hear comments for Miley Sirus, listing the reason as to why they like because she's cute - pardon??? "Oh, I like Lily better because she's prettier than Miley." Well, would it be so surprising that this commenter winds up with a eating disorder someday? I shouldn't say that - that's so assuming, it's pitiful. But honestly? Is that how you live you life? Oh, he/she's not attractive, so I won't give him/her the time of day?

You know what - I'd love to subject each person to being an outcast when they're younger. Get picked on, feel insecure about yourself, never know if someone is telling you a straight answer or not - go through that shit and try to degrade another person after that.

Honestly, the things we pick each other over - it's so utterly petty. And disgusting.

Further, that whole, believe in God or you don't go to Heaven crap, no matter what you've done on Earth - I don't know much (I'm willing to contend very little, in all aspects of life), but if that's the basic measure of a man, we're in serious shit.

In a world that can be as utterly cruel as it wants, without humanity's intervention - people's acts of kindness are all we've got. You remember that, damn it - the only difference between peace and Hell on Earth is you. So, thanks for feeding me when I had no food, when you clothed me, when you gave me shelter - oh, and enjoy Hell, because you weren't a Christian.

Fuck you, you pretentious pigs. Yes, I'm aware I've ceased to even begin to construct a wholly logically based argument anymore, and I've also forsaken speaking politely. But I've seen more than enough of Hell. And I'm sick of bickering with the ignorant.

Imagine if you could be so enraptured in someone without having to gaze at the shape of their body, but just enthralled by who they are, the layered facets of their personality. Oh, I can't articulate it.

But you'd never get bored of them and they'd never cease to amaze.

EDIT Dec. 7th, 2008 7:21 PM: I think I got it today, while watching Colors of the Wind on YouTube, no doubt. A surprising amount of commenters were talking about the Wiccan religion, due to the striking similarity of its tenements and those in the video (belief in everything having a spirit or life and being important - assuming I've interpreted them correctly). And for one commenter ("I want to be Wiccan"), I was tempted to comment as a joke, "Don't say that - they'll be accusing Disney of being anti-Christian soon." Of course, I wasn't serious (though, considering Harry Potter and Twilight, who's to say). I was glad to see her exercising her opinion and making her own choices. Anyone who knows me knows I differ in belief, but (of course and always) to each their own. And then I realized my actual problem. As I'm sure you've all listened to the song, it's simply about acceptance and caring for each other. And I love that.

If I'm to go to Hell for thinking that those welcoming gates aren't big enough for so big of hearts - well, then fine. No one who knows me can say I don't love God, but I can't love humanity any less.

I owe my life to a questioning atheist and a deist. I expect to see their faces come Judgement Day.

Well, it's been roughly 5 months that I've been single now. My younger self would never believe it possible, but I don't think I've done that since before Freshman year. Actually, I think the most time would probably be 3 months, generally (quite often), 2. And I didn't even start the interest for more than half the girls I've dated. I'll never understand why anyone would meet me and suddenly take interest in me. Yet that's happened...and yes, they generally end out bad (though who am I kidding, nearly all of my relationships end out bad).

So, to remember this depressing dry spell (honestly, when I try not to date, someone comes along; when I could care less, no one sticks out (or stays in contact with me long enough!)) - I'm gonna do a survey. I have never realized how hard these are to find without stealing from a friend. For once, a search engine failed me.

Quick note before, though - Dr. Rick Carter does have an emoticon - D. See the mustache?? This is officially the only one I will ever use.

::FIRST, A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF::
Name - PBJ

Gender - gender's perfomative, but socially accepted as male

Age - 18

Birthday - Nov. 22nd

Sign - no clue

Sexual orientation - bisexual

Height - 5'6"

Weight - 156, last I checked. probably has went up since then

Body Type - Umm?

Ethnic Background - Haitian, German, French, Spanish, Scottish, English, Polish
Languages you speak - English, bit of spanish (though I can read it far better than I can write or speak it). My own languages are still taking some time to learn

Religious persuasion - what is that even? Um, Catholic, if I'm guessing right the question

Relationship Status - single, hence why I'm filling you out

If single, are you looking? Or do you not care? What's the dealio? - it's complicated

::OPPOSITE SEX PHYSICAL PREFERENCES:: - you ask orientation, then limit this to the opp. gender??
Hair color - no preference

Hair Style - actually wouldn't care. just about anything has looked fine (then again, I'm not exactly picky). though pigtails have always reminded me of porn; and I've just shattered the hearts of many little children. sorry

Eye Color - doesn't matter. red eyes are cool, though. of course, that also means you have to be albino, but it's a perk, if you ask me

Skin Tone - don't care

Ethnic Background - could care less

Height - doesn't really matter; I've dated girls taller than me, though it seems the shorter one's are always the ones to pursue (with the exception of curly)

Weight - just how shallow do you think I am?

Body Type - beauty is a false face

Fashion Style - generally plain. I'm dreadfully boring, I know, but I think the most attractive outfit is a hoodie and jeans. while I've never dated anyone who needed to constantly wear dresses or anything, wild out there styles are fine as well. it's a good reflection of the personality

Subculture (if you had to choose) - goth, hands down. gothic chicks rule

Do any of these preferences usually apply? not really. they're all very surface level. and not every girl out there is gothic, so that ruins that

::WHAT YOU LOOK FOR PHYSICALLY IN THE OPPOSITE SEX::
Favorite body part to touch? - at the point of a relationship before marriage, hand or back (when holding the individual). I don't have wondering hands, the other does generally (*cough*Emma*cough*)

Favorite body part to look at? - BOOBS. definitely. in fact, if I'm talking to you and you're a girl, I'm probably not even paying attention; just staring at the twins (that was sarcasm, if you couldn't catch it)

Any physical characteristics you find most attractive? - I have this odd thing with hands. and a smile can be a killer. But the hand thing is still superficial and a smile lies a little more on personality.

Any physical characteristics you find unattractive? - not really. people are wonderful, all in all

Are there any accents you like? Dislike? - no, I wouldn't say so, though I'd most prefer a Chicago accent. I like ours the best, I found, when once comparing

Do you like it when they wear nail polish? - no

Do you like it when they wear make up of any kind? - definitely not. people look best naturally; make up does nothing, if you ask me

How do you like them to carry themselves? - however they damn well please

Any mannerism you find attractive or unattractive? - non that I can think of at the moment

::NON-PHYSICAL PREFERENCES:: - finally!
Personality traits you find attractive - gotta have a sense of humor. outgoing can be good, sometimes, but so can being shy and quiet. I confess I'm first pulled to shy people. is intelligence a personality trait? it does influence how someone is a lot. that's deathly important. gotta be smart (as I massacre this with awful grammar). attentive. I like attention - I admit.

Personality traits you find unattractive - lying, rude, back-stabber, hypocritical, ignorant, stubborn, high matenance, uncompromising, ignores, avoids, self-righteous, pretentious, uncaring, vain, self-centered

How important are morals to you? - quite, though that can boil down to care about others. you hurt someone (and don't care), forget me giving you the time of day

Do political views affect how you see them? - not really, considering more than half the girls I've dated were conservative (I'm a liberal bisexual - why were they interested again? Okay, technically Lindsay didn't know beforehand...). your views, in general, will affect me, but unless you're a psycho variety from either the liberal (you know, advocate for repeal of age consent laws or some shit like that) or conservative (think you're a prophet, want to make gays second class citizens, want to conserve old laws like seperate but equal, shit like that) side, we ought to be fine. Honestly, an intelligent and well-leveled conservative will disagree with me most on economic issues - and if we can't talk civilly about that, we may need to worry about our relationship moreso than our politics. Politics is mostly dumb culture war and that's all people know of it - there's really no actual reason to fight

Do you like it or dislike it when they curse frequently? - cursing reminds me that you can still think and don't allow society's views affect your judgement in life. while I will need you to realize saying, "Fuck," around a five-year-old is unacceptable, words are words and should be treated as such

Do they have to share your religious views to be compatible with you? - not at all, though every single one so far has, oddly enough (or relatively enough, at least). Though I might find some qualm if you're a Calvinist. just maybe

[This -or- That]
Good girl/boy -or- Bad girl/boy? - can I pick moderate?

Rocker -or- Hip Hopper? - I'd love someone who's into hip hop, just because I find so little, but I love rock with a passion as well, so that's fine. however, if they're into rock, they better be cool with metal. the only metal I can excuse would be death metal (just because you can't understand a word of it anyway and it's way to sporadic)

Dog person -or- Cat person? - either is cool. I love both

Liberal -or- Conservative? - preferably liberal, but economically conservative is fine as well. libertarians rock

Disciplined -or- Free spirited? - mix of both. there's a time for everything

Safe -or- Dangerous? - I value my life (heh, well, usually...)

Completely laid back and calm -or- Hyper and flamboyant? - oy. I do have a history of hyper ex's. though I suppose I'd need both. I opperate in extremes, which means either insanely out there (and taking nothing I say seriously) to quite serious, sober, and melancholy. eh, 'tis me

Virgin -or- Experienced? - I really wouldn't care how many they've had sex with in the past, but they'd have to understand I plan on staying a virgin until marriage. however, if they are quite experienced, getting tested may be required

Rational -or- Emotional? - rational, please

Very shy -or- Very outgoing? - answered above

Introverted -or- Extroverted? - introverted in that they ought to be reflective. people are the most complex of things - know yourself. extroverted in that I hate being shut out. keep in connection with me, let me in. I don't want to feel like I'm up against this wall peering through a hole

A creature of habit -or- Unpredictable? - probably habit. it would depend, I suppose.

A hopless romantic -or- A horndog? - what the Hell's a horndog? romantic, please. otherwise it'll be weird when I'm rediculous with the gifts and whatnot... D

Simple and boring -or- Complicated yet intriguing? - isn't that phrased a bit biasedly? complicated. I need someone complex

Innocent and naive -or- Wise and knowledgable? - they ought to be knowledgable in what they know. Know lots and tons. Knowledge has never hurt anyone - only the lack of it has. however, they should probably be innocent and naïve in what they've done in their life

Hot -or- Cute? - cute. based more on personality

Ugly and totally compatible -or- Gorgeous and completely obnoxious? - Can I get an Ugly for a Success Relationship?

Proper and polite -or- Rough around the edges? - depends. Fighting Sorina over the cheesecake and stuffing our faces was total fun and definitely a turn on on her part, even though it was totally not etiquette. however, you've gotta be polite to people and give them curtiosy.

Intense and passionate -or- Sweet and reserved? - um, geez, gotta be passionate somewhere, I guess. the intense though is a little frightening, while the sweet definitely catches the eye. Sweet and passionate?

Outspoken and highly opinionated -or- Happy-go-lucky pacifist? - I guess the first one

Smooth and sexy -or- Adorable and awkward? - adorable and awkward. awkward girls are so cute, plus they make you feel more comfortable about being yourself around them. and it's different because usually people say be normal, you'll fit in, etc. So it's like defying the status quo by being yourself

::YOUR VIEWS ON DATING/RELATIONSHIPS::
What is dating by your defintion? - a mutual agreement of entering a relationship higher than friendship by two (or I guess more, for those "breaking boundaries" types) people

What is a relationship by your defintion? - I dunno. a statement that defines a connection between two people. acquantances, friends, family, partners, even fuck buddies - all relationships

Can you date more than one person at a time? - others may choose to. me, I'm monogamous and will expect from the gf/bf the same as well

Can you have a relationship with more than one person at a time? - according to my definition, we all are

What constitutes cheating? - while I don't approve of looking at (or checking out) other people during a relationship, I suppose I still wouldn't consider it cheating. however, flirting, making out, starting another relationship at the same time - all no

Is cheating ever justifiable? - not really. I probably won't hate you forever, so long as you apoligize. but it might be harder to trust you

Would you get back with someone who cheated on you? - depends. see above

Would you expect to be taken back if you cheated on someone? - not at all

Kissing on the first date: Acceptable? - considering I kissed both Allison and Emma before the first date, I'd say so. not to mention, I kissed Chelsea before we even started dating

How about sex on the first date? - if you want to go home and masterbate to the wonderful memories I've given you that night, go right ahead. But abstinance for me (I think that's the first funny thing I've said this whole thing. what a shame)

One night stands? - HA (and no, that doesn't stand for Acid)

Sex outside of marriage in general: Acceptable or Not? - again, don't care about your past. but during the relationship, nope

Would you sleep with a gf/bf? - you haven't gotten this one yet, have you?

Would you sleep with just a friend? - no. that'd make things so awkward, because, as much as sex is utterly unrelated to love, people still put attachment to it (we have society to blame for that)

Would you kiss just a friend? - it wouldn't mean anything if I did, but no. I have not had problems with other friends kissing me, though (however, if you do it on the lips, I'm gonna have to wonder if you're coming on to me)

Would you do anything sexual at all with just a friend? - wasn't this asked before? well, if you consider making out sexual, then I guess yes, but that probably means I like them and want to go out with them (you'd think that'd be obvious)

What are your sexual boundaries? - nothing past first base

What do you consider a perfect first date? - I dunno. the date has to be there. but otherwise, we could do just about anything, I'd be fine. movie, walk. I still have yet to do that cook something together idea, so that'd probably be the next date I do with someone

What could your crush/bf/gf do to make you jealous? - heh, not much, probably. I actually get jealous really easily, but usually over small rediculous things. and I know they're rediculous. but yeah, just me

Guys: Would you always call her first? - eh. heh, any of my ex's can attest I don't make the first move often, unless I know by some means I can and things won't get weird or you won't mind it. but I generally suck at keeping up conversations, unless in person (and even then sometimes...), so better be ready to talk a lot. with Lindsay and jess, I'd just listen to them talk to themselves; I'm not at all hard to please, clearly. okay, maybe a bit

Girls: Would you get upset if he rarely/never called? - This and the last question are so sexist

What could a gf/bf do to make you feel insecure about your relationship? - avoid me, be unresponsive to stuff I do (like, I make a joke and you look like you weren't even paying attention; I do hope I'm not that boring). but I panik over little things too (granted, largely because my 1st to 5th gfs thought it wise, for whatever reason, to dance around anything rather than be straightforward with it. missed a date? break up's on the way)

Would you let your bf/gf be as free as they wanted to be? - what does that mean?

What would you do if you became/got your gf pregnant? - wouldn't ever happen

Relationships are 50/50: True or False? - absolutely

Once a cheater always a cheater: True or False? - naw

How do you know you like someone? - I dunno, you just know. generally you can't stop thinking about them, a lot. and you kinda jump when you hear their name (or think you do) or see them or their screen name comes up (sounds corny, but, hey, we really do live in the online age)

How do you know you LOVE someone? - geez...you just know, really. I mean, I only have one example, and I dunno. I just knew with her. with jess - I dunno. just knew

What is romantic love by your definition? - um...I dunno. romance. I dunno

Do you like people easily? - like? if crush qualifies, yes. if like as in long period of time, I'd say no, I guess. moderate there

Do you fall in love easily? - HA. I'm much too picky

How do you know your feelings are no longer there? - there's just nothing. you don't feel like seeing them, don't get excited anymore. it's a depressing point. stop making me think of it

What's the hardest part about a break up? - the other person's reactions. granted, the two times I've had to do it (heh, yes, I suck that much at dating), they were both kinda rediculous and the situations they were in just made me feel like an ass

Do you stop liking/fall out of love easily? - liking, as in crushes, yes. long term liking, not so much. depends on the person, really

Is there a difference between liking and crushing on someone? - yes. crush is kinda, "They might be interesting. I like the personality so far". Liking can consist of crushing but also you know them better and want to go out with them more strongly (or are just flat out interested in them)

How do you differenciate between liking and crushing? - see above

::CURRENTLY::
Like someone? - it's complicated

Crushing on someone? - not at the moment. there were some brief ones at the begining of the year

In love with someone? - not anymore. heh, feels so long ago

Dating around? - psh, I wish

Looking for someone? - it's fucking complicated

How relevant dating/relationships are to your life right now: ehh

And that took me an hour. Wow. D (okay, I just wanted to use it once more)