I lost my ID yesterday. I honestly don't understand how. I used it to swipe into my cousin's dorm, then (before leaving the dorm for the first time) I noticed I didn't have it. So, since it couldn't be anywhere but in the dorm, we look for it throughout everywhere I went in the dorm. Nope. She still hasn't found it today.
It had $8.75 on it and cost 10 dollars to get a new one. As you might imagine, I'm not happy about it.
So, when my mother calls, I tell her I've lost it. While I can do it, I'm not the biggest fan of keeping bad things in and prefer telling people. She, of course, is disappointed, makes a noise similar to, "Oh, honey…" and tells me how I shouldn't've. Do you see an issue yet? I tell her what happened, how I have no clue how I could've lost it.
At the end of this conversation, she tells me my dad wants to talk to me, so I start talking to him. A little ways in, I hear her ranting in the background, loudly, and in a clearly angry fashion (this is a habit of hers when she's mad at someone and is very specific. It's hard to explain, unfortunately, but just keep in mind I'm used to this type of rant. Basically, it includes tearing the person down, pointing out how she thinks they're an idiot and cannot believe that they managed to do something so stupid, and making really ugly faces that are a mixture of anger, mockery, and disdain).
You see, that sad and sympathetic voice that I first heard is the tactic she adopted when she realized I was not going to put up with her bullshit and would simply ignore her or yell back at her if she decided to act pugnaciously. So instead of getting mad, she'd try to nicely push her agenda.
I say agenda because, if I actually did something wrong, I might get angry at the fact that yelling at a person is not the right way to deal with stuff, but I could understand the need for some sort of punishment. If it's really stupid then, yes, a yelling-at is reasonable.
However, taking this instance as an example, I did not reasonably lose my ID. Both I and my cousin remember me swiping us in. Therefore, it had to be somewhere in the dorm. We searched the dorm. It could not be found. Even a day later, it was not found. Further, the reason why I rarely worry when I lose stuff is because I operate almost on a ritual-like level. I keep things in a certain order (phone, ID, and wallet in left pocket and glasses and keys in the right pocket) always. I continually check it throughout the day so that, if one is missing, I right away know and can make sure to find it. If I can't find it, it's likely someplace I was at. I retrace my steps, and I usually find it. 99% of the time, this works. And I do something like it for all my stuff. Now, occasionally I slip up and leave something completely out of the way so that I struggle finding it. And, admittedly (I get irritated at this too), I'm a bit of a forgetful person. Forgetting things is something I sometimes do. This is why I have this system in the first place.
But…I did not leave this someplace I usually don't. In fact, for me to not immediately put the ID back in my pocket is uncharacteristic of me (nor does it make much sense, for anyone to not do that). For me not to set it down in the room if I did not put it in my pocket doesn't make much sense either. And, of course, for it not to be in the only place I was at when I lost it makes little sense either.
I'm very much willing to argue that blame should not be put on me, here. I'm as bitter as anyone for the loss of money here, but I was not irresponsible. Try to give me an argument as to how I was because I don't understand how I could be.
My dad said, when I told him, "And only been 2 months, huh?" Now, he was joking, so I'm not too irritated, but it really was a bad moment to do so. Let's keep in mind that I didn't lose it at all last year. I think I'm allowed at least once? God knows, I make mistakes (shocking, isn't it?).
In other words, it's an agenda (and this is in general so it can apply for cases outside of this instance) because she wants to push her ideas (you shouldn't lose an ID, etc.) instead of understanding I'm not in a position for blame or that her ideas are wrong in whatever specific case. Plus it's kinda insulting that she just wants to rant and it's fine I'm the sacrifice, isn't it?
So, what does my mother choosing to act all nice and then rant insultingly towards me when she's off the phone to the rest of my family mean?
1. A severe lack of respect. Oh, would you look at that, one of the major dislikes (and I'm usually pretty easy going, as most who know would could attest). Surprising? Hah…
2. She's not listening to me. Another major dislike. Because that was always the biggest problem. I am ruled by logic and reason. My mother doesn't know how to understand logic or reason. So any argument as to why I do things or what I think is right is pretty much ignored (it also leads to them totally not knowing me at all, which is further irritating). So, remember how I'm irritated by her Agenda? Well, clearly why I get mad at her ranting is lost on her. All she understands is I don't like it, so she changes the tactic without realizing why I actually dislike what she does.
3. Which brings us here. I can't stand stupidity/an unwillingness to change or learn. That's why I really get pissed at most of what my mother does - because, being stupid, she does stupid things and, since not actually having a reason to back up what she does and simply strongly believing in it, she adamantly does them and blocks out all else. Case in point - the ranting. It's that she explicitly decides not to do what I try to teach her she does by then passionately ranting about me behind my back. I hate stupidity. That's the action that will piss me off more than anything - an action motivated by stupidity and no logical backing.
I hate my parents (as if anyone didn't know by now).
D} The one thing I had noticed yesterday, though, was that she seems far more fluent socially than I am.
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