While thoroughly unrelated to what I'm going to actually announce, I'm going to tell you all anyway because it salved my otherwise shitty night. I was able to get the most updated version of WINE on my Linux distribution (32-bit when I have 64-bit but, still).

WINE 1.4 was not being remotely useful. A lot of Windows applications I wanted to run wouldn't work, including many that had been working previously when I had WINE on Ubuntu. With the most current version now, Photoshop works again (and, it seems, even more stable than before; plus it's much faster than 1.4 was) which is amazing; I was going crazy trying to hack crap together with The Gimp or having to reboot into my Windows each time to use Photoshop. MAGIX Movie Maker is better put together graphically but, surprisingly, is able to load songs now (it wouldn't do this back on Ubuntu; I wonder if it has something to do with a bug being fixed or, somehow, because I'm running Debian); once again, this makes not having to run back into Windows to do things much better. And, most importantly, The Incredible Machine: Contraptions works once again!

Bioshock, still, works perfectly until the main menu, during which it displays everything but the menu options. And Super Meat Boy only half works, with most of the visuals being static-y garbage. Of course, Bioshock barely worked on Windows and I haven't tried Super Meat Boy there yet so I'm not really complaining.

It's so much faster and more stable (and works more often) than before. My computer is finally feeling usable and functional again.

Alright, now to my real announcement. I've decided as to where I'm moving myself.

I had a strong feeling Tumblr would win out and it has (my username wasn't even taken so you can find me at thirst2.tumblr.com). Most importantly, Tumblr has a real sense of community and I need that after coming from Xanga. For some of the smaller, slower places that people have pointed over the past month, it's undeniable that community could be formed over time (I sometimes wonder, were I to be introduced to Xanga for the first time now, would I be pulled in or find no appeal? Of course, at the time of finding Xanga, I was looking for someplace to hide and not necessarily for community). But Tumblr is just so much more greatly put together. Everywhere else seems like whoever put it together didn't have any remote graphic design (or simply design) sense (which, to be fair, Xanga didn't quite either at the beginning but no where near as bad), with slight exception to LiveJournal. But if they pass that first test, they fail in terms of customability.

Which speaking of, I thought Xanga had a ton? Tumblr literally let's you craft the HTML yourself while using widgets (for posts, comments, etc.). If I really wanted to, I could probably just make a website there without using any of the Tumblr widgets (though I wouldn't be able to host any files, admittedly). I kind of can't see any reason why someone wouldn't be able to launch the same sort of JavaScript attack that got Xanga in trouble from Tumblr, really.

Which brings us to the last criterion that it needs to fill in trying to imitate Xanga: privacy. This one was my big worry and I figured Tumblr was going to fail hard. Privacy hasn't been so much of an issue for me (protected posting is nice but not necessary and Tumblr has a private post option like most blogging places) but I know plenty here who very much care about privacy.

First and foremost, Tumblr does allow you to declare your blog private. What happens is you give it a password and anyone who visits has to input that password. Thus, you could give out the password to those you want to read your site and they could then be the only ones to view it. It's not as elegant as Xanga's system of having the web browser handle whether or not you can view a site but it's better than nothing. Plus you can't have your main blog as private so you have to create a second one under your account to do that.

Another option is to simply not display any HTML. The drawback is that anyone following you would be only able to catch your updates as they came up on zir dashboard. It's not very organized though only a problem if you desire to allow your followers to read your old posts again (I like to allow that, myself). While your followers can read your updates in their dashboard, nothing shows up at your site ([your username].tumblr.com) because it is devoid of any HTML and thus doesn't display anything.

Something a little more elegant that I like is the ability to set the tags of a post to the class of the HTML tag which you can then do what you want with CSS. For example, you could say that for every class (/tag) called "private", display:none; the post (this doesn't work for Google Chrome and I'm trying to find a fix). This means that anyone who visits your site can't see the posts tagged with "private" but your followers can view the posts in their dashboard. If you tell them the name of the special tag, they can even search for that tag in their dashboard and see the posts you want only them to see. It essentially mimics Private Posting.

The flaw in this is that anyone can follow your Tumblr, regardless of whether you want them to or not. I suppose you could block every use who follows you if you don't know who they are but that seem not very friendly. Another option is to tag each post with the special tag. Therefore, your Tumblr looks absolutely blank to the public while your follows can still fetch all of your posts by searching for the special tag.

In any case, it all underscores the fact that there really isn't anything that can replace Xanga. This is just the best one.

I know a lot of you were considering LiveJournal. It's my third choice so I'll migrate there as well if a bunch of you head there and can't bear to be on Tumblr. There are people here who shaped me in ways I wasn't expecting and I hope to not lose touch with everyone.

It's been an experience with you all.

We went to see a parade in Barrington today for the 4^th. This already feels like it's going to sound like a play-by-play and disjointed but oh well.

Towards the end, there was this girl handing out BBQ pulled-pork (I think? Can't remember) samples for a restaurant in the downtown. It was pretty good so, for lunch, we all decided to go down there.

I still don't remember if I was simply caught off guard (we happened to notice the girl who gave us the samples behind the counter when we arrived) or if there really was just something there but I was rather thoroughly struck by…I dunno, how open and friendly the other girl behind the counter seemed.

I don't know whether I've necessarily ever discussed here (or anywhere, for that matter) why I always keep such a buoyant outward mood to the point of (I feel like it sometimes becomes) being exaggerative (I was going to also say hyperbolic but I think, given the definition of hyperbole, I would actually be okay with it being hyperbolic; it fits the bill). Yes, sure, there's the old I-have-depression-and-don't-want-to-drag-you-down-with-me but you don't have to even necessarily be outwardly happy to do that. Being anti-social and not talking to people could accomplish that one.

It's that, one, I legitimately just want to get along with everyone and like being nice to people. I know it doesn't fit the motif of being mysterious or withdrawn or stoic for masculinity but I just feel happier being open with people. I want to be friendly.

But it's also that people just seem to tend to be…unfriendly. And for seemingly no good damn reason. My brother and I were discussing race and I mentioned that, up North, I really don't seem to find that awkwardness that I've heard other people mention. He responded that he feels that all the time. Now, this is the kid who has diamond earrings and had an afro that is now dreadlocks; he's not exactly ducking into traditional white social mores in regards to his appearance. And I'm not saying that getting poor responses to his physical dress is not a problem; far be it for me to ever do that. Nor am I saying that the North is devoid of racism (one of the points of credit that the movie Premium Rush – about bike messengers in NYC – received was that it was one of the few Hollywood movies to depict the racial diversity of NYC more accurately to what NYC is actually like; to be fair, you'd never be able to levy such a complaint, ever, about Chicago and there's no way that that's an accident). And it's not like there weren't people in high school who found fit to define me by my race first (generally joking and friends I was close with so I generally didn't mind but, still, there was a slight trend which just highlighted further the fact that I probably knew a grand total of five other black students only once I got to my Senior year). And, certainly, being followed around in a convenience store is not the same as the number of racial jokes rising the moment I enter the group which is also not the same as people giving my brother dirty stares because of his hair style (which may just be because they're unfamiliar with the hair style and find it unkempt, etc.); those are all very different, complex situations.

But I find, even for generally straight-laced me, that people are continually just bizarrely rude. Or awkward (without, to me, reason to be but I can make a pretty mean awkward situation in my own right so I probably shouldn't hold anyone to task for that one). Despite my being overly friendly, people don't precipitate. And maybe it is a race thing; I dunno, maybe my brother's right. Regardless, people aren't friendly because they're generally stupid and so I just smile and be friendly and ask questions or make jokes and I don't give a damn whether you laugh or respond or shit.

But it also means I'm all the more happy and thankful when I find someone who actively tries to be friendly to others as well. I like friendliness. It's in low supply and helps the world go round.

In any case, my brother and I have gotten into the habit of, after running into a girl somewhere, questioning whether she was actively flirting with either of us. I think it's partially from irony given the fact that I generally assume not and tend to be the shy one of the group (the conversation usually goes with me saying, "Naw…" while my brother, and maybe a third party, going, "Ohh, yeah, it was definitely obvious!") but also just to be ridiculous. After all, friendliness certainly does not necessarily flirtation mean.

You can imagine how the conversation throughout lunch might go. This isn't helped by the fact that the girl stops over at our table to pet my sister's dog (though, to be fair, the girl came back later to ask if she could take a picture of Shiver to show her mom since she used to have a dog of the exact same breed; I may be bad at flirting but I'm pretty sure you use the dog to start the conversation and then direct your attention to whomever you're interested in flirting with).

Of course, my mother doesn't seem to exist for any other reason than to try to play matchmaker for all her children at every second of every day. And, being my mother, the reason she uses is that "She's pretty."

I actually would have said gorgeous but that's neither here nor there (I almost want to describe her but I can't really without beginning to strongly feel like I'm objectifying so I won't; the point for doing so is that, while not greatly, I think she fell outside, somewhat, "mainstream" beauty standards. Part of my own drawing, I imagine, and also why my mother described her as pretty while I'm using much stronger language).

But as I'm mulling these thoughts over…what real defense do I have to ask this girl out? I mean, I'm in an unfortunate place emotionally while trying to get my life together. I'm still not done with my hermit-ing to heal myself for the future that may lose me near to all my friends come the end (there's only so long any person should have to endure the isolation of another). That's not a wise position to start anything with anyone, really.

But, even beyond that…she seems really friendly and she likes dogs (something which is very wonderful in any person; pets can potentially tell you quite a bit about a person). And that's it. Well, she also works at this restaurant which potentially looks family owned. Which is interesting but doesn't necessarily mean anything. And when you compare that to the many more things that entail any form of a relationship, those few things are downright minimal. Certainly nothing that can justifying trying to start a relationship given the position I'm in with my life.

And, most of the time I was there, I found myself drawn to her…but on what basis? Even I couldn't really answer you that beyond that I found her pretty. And while I've played with the notion of how people look playing into who they are as a person, I more often find that that area is so phenomenally complex that you generally can't glean anything from there without knowing more about the person to start connecting dots (if physical appearance beyond how a person dresses/styles themselves can tell you anything at all). Even I tried, all I could really boil it down to is a hunch: she seemed interesting. Maybe she would be; I wouldn't know.

But it just overwhelmingly confronted me with the fact that, as a system, physical attractiveness still completely and utterly eludes any logical attempts to justify itself. Certainly to fit into just about any merit-based system that we, as humans, have ever devised (which, really, are just about the only systems I'm interested in using).

I think that I can honestly say that this, more than anything, is what makes me question the notion of a God that created an ordered and logical universe. The more I think about it, the more that it being just a byproduct of evolution and pure chance that worked seems to be the only answer that rightly explains its existence.