My grandfather (mother's side) and my brother, 1992
I've mentioned I don't deal with pain well on here before, yes? I suppose I'm just surprised it's hit me so soon.
I just want to lash out at everyone.
Li te yon pandan ke depi mwen te apa pou Bondye.
Comments (5)
A bout of sleeplessness drew me to your page.
Your grandfather looks like he could be a stern man, if mere facial expression is any indication. The fact that your background is Haitian indicates added baggage.
(I crave your pardon if I indulge in what some…what’s the current internet argot for being a stalker? It’s the sort of word that crops up in the comment vs. comment squabbles the crop up both here on Xanga and Youtube. Alas, that’s the fun part of waking up in the wee hours; certain parts of the brain are open only during business hours. I took the liberty of Google / translating your utterance.)
A common plaint of Baby Boomer kids (like me) was that their fathers were unfeeling. Besides fuelling an entire trade…the therapy profession…for several generations, this POV also failed to consider the historical realities of the Great Depression, when life and limb were truly at risk in this land of plenty due to starvation. As an aside, I get the impression that the current iteration of liberal rage, the Occupy Wall Street movement, is peopled by some who have really no idea of what true privation is; people did what they had to do to survive. Hence, many of the men of that generation grew up reticent.
But I digress.
There is a character who has drawn my interest, myth / philosophy / religion geek that I am. Kullervo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kullervo
It’s an eye-opener; the power of ancestral resentment and ill-treatment.
I find this excerpt from one of the Finnish cantos haunting.
Wainamoinen, ancient minstrel, / As he hears the joyful tidings, / Learns the death of fell Kullervo, / Speaks these words of ancient wisdom: / "O, ye many unborn nations, / Never evil nurse your children, / Never give them out to strangers, / Never trust them to the foolish! / If the child is not well nurtured, / Is not rocked and led uprightly, / Though he grow to years of manhood, / Bear a strong and shapely body, / He will never know discretion, / Never eat. the bread of honor, / Never drink the cup of wisdom."
God forbid that I should be dismissive of any wounds or family history. I only hope you can find resolution. I sense a good heart in your posts. Let not your considerable gifts be siphoned off.
What are my coping mechanisms against resentment when feeling beset? Reading C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald. Classic Hollywood cinema. And Youtube videos of therapeutic massage (& I don’t mean the scurrilous stuff)
Be well, mon ami.
@wrybreadspread - He wasn't, actually; at least with his grandchildren, or of what I remember (I know, a relative with which I do not have troubled history; it's shocking). My memories of him are always positive, though most of my time spent at my grandparents house was usually with him not there, just my grandmother.
He left her for another woman, unfortunately. He moved to Florida with her, so I've probably seen him a total of five times since. Yet my memory of him remains an energetic and constantly smiling man. I imagine he would have expressed his admiration and fierce love for us as much as my grandmother always did, had he been around more often; I'll have to ask my cousin about it.
He passed away just last Thursday, at the earliest. I haven't been taking it well.
I'm sorry. Your grandfather looks nice. He reminds me of my dad...sort of.
@under_the_carpet - how so?
@thirst2 - Ah. We see.
May he then be one out of your family who stands out in your remembrance as a compassionate figure.
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