September 26, 2011
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When You Say "Slut" or "Whore", I Don't Know What You Mean
I've hinted somewhat here and there on this Xanga that I find those who deem it necessary to judge other people's sex life perplexing, slightly hypocritical, but – above all – naïve.
Of course, when I refer to the term whore in the above title, I mean when it is used in the same sense as the word slut, rather than the profession (though I could have a good rant about prostitution, really).
And the largest reason why is simply that what you apparently think a slut is probably is entirely different from what someone else thinks it is. Let me first point out that I do not mean someone who sleeps around with other people's significant others or any other revenge fantasy that you may have. This is often a conflation with the larger, constantly there in every incarnation, factor of a person who has a lot of sex. And that is what I want to address.
With what do I have an issue? Am I apparently an advocate of do-whatever-you-please life aims? Rather, I want to ask, have you ever had sex? Once? Was it just petting, even? Was it after years with a significant other to whom you felt terribly close? Was it one night at a late party?
Regardless of your answer, according to my mother, you are a slut. Why? Because opening your legs once means you have no morals. Not that my mother would tell you this to your face, despite having had premarital sex herself.
You see, when terms like slut or whore are used, I don't understand what a person means. For some, it's sex just one time. For others, it's sex for pleasure. For others, it's casual sex. For others, it's the amount of sex, regardless of whether its meaningful to the person or with committed boyfriends or girlfriends at the time.
And, if you've had sex (regardless of whether it was saving it for that special someone you never married, even if you plan to eventually do so), you've been allowed to make a privileged choice that – at one point in time – would have casted you entirely undesirable on any level by every facet of society.
Many fought for your right to decide what sex should mean for you – including whether it might not be the right decision for you. That's your personal choice for yourself, not to cast on others.
Comments (4)
when I think of a slut I think of somone who uses their sexual attractivity for selfish purposes, regardless of the concerns of other people. Like someone who is in a realtionship and cheats knowing she hurts his feelings, but doesn't mind etc. A "whore" is similiar, but I'm specifically thinking of someone who abuses someone else for their money if it's used as an insult. It could also be somone who gets abused by being dependant on someone (financially ) and having to offer sex in return.
@under_the_carpet - Right. I guess part of the issue I have with the word (which I forgot to explicitly state, now that I think about it) is that its meaning literally changes for every person who uses it. The singular common thread that it does have, however, is someone (usually female) who has sex.
So I tend to oppose its use on principle because, even if you're using it in a completely legitimate matter, it's often construed for others as just another way to police female sexuality. I suppose the best way to put it is, regardless the meaning intended by the user, 50% of any room you use it in will think, "Sexual female!" in a desire to police female sexuality.
@thirst2 - yeah I agree about that. Good principle
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I think that I would say that what people think of as sluts and whores are women who just flat enjoy being sexual beings. Certainly this would mean having too much sex (although nobody can tell where the line between acceptable and too much is), but it could also mean just dressing in a sexual manner with cleavage or leg. As sexualized (and sexualizing) as our society is, we just can't stand the utterly shocking notion that *gasp!* WOMEN CAN ENJOY SEX.
(sarcasm) Excuse me while I clutch my pearls and faint.
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