November 26, 2010

• I never did really relate to most of my own class year back in high school. Freshman year I just hung out with those older than me, Sophomore year found me making tons of Freshman friends, Junior year adding the incoming Freshmen to my friend roster, and (while far, far less in numbers) I've made a few friends amongst the '11 class and even the '12 class, some of which being incredibly dear people to my heart like Marissa S.

  I mention this because it's one of those ways that I've felt like a bit outside of this community. Not in terms of my friends, mind you. I mean in terms of the class and greater school general public sense. There's certain things people become known for. They're recognized. Now, I mention this because I have this great affinity for characters (which only makes further sense given how much reading I do and my own interest in English). For whatever reason, characters are able to elicit a nostalgia on par with seeing an old place (restaurant, hang out spot, etc.) I used to frequent or some person I knew from way back when who I was fond of and then see again.

  The class of '09 really kind of absorbed me into their own and I've felt more partiality to them, so there was less of this outside feeling. But, with the class of '10, I knew less of them so the personalities and characters within their class I wouldn't know. Having spent 2 years now, going on three, away from them, it's crazy how much they're growing into their own and becoming their own people. And, with that, the personalities and characters within their class that have developed, alone, over that 2 years I've been gone I'm completely out of the loop for. And it's just kinda cool looking back at these people who are some of my dearests and recognizing the way they've come to, in a sense, develop a name for themselves.

   

  I mention this because, in a terribly vague way, it should have given you an idea of how fond I become of my friends and the ways I become fond of personalities.

  So, I was talking to Allison today and I was reminded of the way I'm defensive of her. Now, that term itself needs to be given context. See, I'm fond of jess. And, really, if you were to piece together all the various things I've said over the year, you might know that the fondness I have for jess is a protective, "let me solve any such problem you might have". While Allison is better at taking care of herself than jess, the best way to put it is that for most people I offer to threaten people who give them shit, for those two girls I actually go forth with going after their aggressor until either girl tells me not to. But I guess, more than anything, it's more a sibling like thing (odd, for girls I've dated in the past, but it really has been the most accurate description of it). I tend to act the defensive big brother actively with them whereas I might not do that necessarily with other friends.

  Of course, you might immediately jump to, "But isn't it just guilt?", considering what I've said before on here about how our relationship had went. But that really isn't it. This fondness stems, I feel, from something else. I was talking to her today, after what has been a while, and Alys had happened to write a note that mentioned a bunch of people she admired (Allison included in that list).

  What both these previous mentioned things highlight is her personality and much of who she is. She's able to get me to smile so utterly easily just anyday and she's a very strong personality. I mean, I feel this again has to be put in context. Back in the two years the both of us attended AESHS together, Allison did not have the best reputation nor was liked much. I had many people who were just not pleased when I first dated her. And yet I felt there was more to her, as I've said on here before. In spite of what people thought of her, she made a place for herself and got people to respect her. And, in spite of, to quote Alys, her "deliquency" she's always had a still stable head. I remember back when she was a Sophomore she used to say she'd likely not even go to college because she never really cared to even apply herself to her work; I always thought she was too damn smart to possibly do that. She's one of those few who can partake in wreckless activities (staying drunk for an entire weekend?) and still I completely respect and value her opinion. And, as Alys said, she's a great friend and good at dealing with people. Honestly, she's quite the remarkable person while still maintaining entirely who she uniquely is. I'm sure she'd shoot down these remarks, and say that likely much of this isn't done intentionally, but it doesn't mean it isn't true, I'd counter back.

  And, I guess I want to highlight this type of friendship I have with her because, 1. it further helps understand myself and how I think, 2. well, I've always been incredibly adoring of my friends (really, I've always said, my family) and so why wouldn't I highlight any particular friendship, and 3. because it's distinctive enough that I feel it's important enough I note it.

  I guess it's a mix of that brotherly thing I have with jess and yet the same way I view either Kristi or Erin - incredibly strong people who I don't necessarily have to agree with a majority of things on (which, really, is actually crucial for me) and still utterly respect them, while also people who I don't have to keep up with often and yet can just see again and it's like no time has passed since I last saw them.

  I've said before that I tend to talk about my life in terms of my ex's (which Allison is), but also important are my friends. They're wonderful. It might help you see why I harp on the importance of the personality and character so often, too.

  • 5:58 am
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