February 28, 2010

  • I occasionally feel like I talk about being depressed too much. Speak about something so often and then you start to feel redundant. It's just that there really is so much to say. Half the time all I can end up doing is just describing how I feel rather than getting anything really important out of the stuff I write down - but I'm still trying to make sense of it all. As in figure out that elusive Why behind these compulsions and feelings.

    It amazes me how much my body still seems to move in cycles. Well, not cycles. Circles, really. I thought I was done with this. See, I can't even tell you what it is that I'm trying to define, that I have as a distinct feeling that I need to articulate. I don't know. So we'll just have to assume that this thing that I am experiencing once more that I shouldn't be experiences because I've been through it before (so it ought to be solved) is actually real and you'll just have to take it on faith from me.

    Gah, I'm sorry. I haven't had a real decent entry in ages. Must be a bore to read.

Comments (4)

  • Of course you do.  So do I.  So does the gal on my subscription who daily purges and cuts and has screaming matches with her folks.  She feels like the seroquel is putting her head in a tilt-a-whirl.  Another gal  admits to seeing things daily that I can only describe as scenes from Blair Witch.  Another is a single mom with Gargantua for a livein abusive boyfriend.  We cope how we cope.  So does the guy wth the diagnosed borderline behavior syndrome who is an admitted foulmouth--about everything.  He finds his release channelling Howard Stern and Larry Flynt

    The alternative is to--well, whatever form of berzerk behavior you can concieve--becoming in Unabomber, serial offender, mass murderer, chemically impaired--the list is endless.

    So we do what we do--procrastinate, piss & moan, alternate between hyper and sullen,  read, write, fave our books, music--whatever. And in some cases, pray and meditate upon a Higher Power.

  • @wrybreadspread - quite true. I don't think I had told you yet, but you have a very adept way of talking about depression that I really like (I wish you wouldn't have ever had to develop it, of course, but seeing as this is the way life's turned out). Your basketball metaphor you used in an old post was just totally spot on

    I'm feeling better today (staying up plus the stress of not understanding the homework which was due tomorrow was not mixing well with my already unstable emotional state).

    We cope as we cope, like you said; I think I'm going to have to get further involved in depression in my later life (in terms of it as a movement; bring more awareness, just help others in whatever little ways that I can; it's the least I can do, though I would argue helping others ought to be our obligation).

  • @wrybreadspread - wow, just realized I thought this was my earliest post, hence why I gave you an update on how I'm feeling. Consider this a joint response?

  • @thirst2 - not a separate post? (sheepish grin)  Obviously there are some cognative issues associated with depression. (or, as Goofy would say,  "Gorsh!  Hyuk hyuk!")

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