November 6, 2009

  • I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing about this now, about 4 years after the fact. But I suppose it's because there actually isn't anywhere I've really made any note of it, other than in passing to other people. Plus, it seems out of place for me never to mention it. And I don't talk things out enough and tend to keep them inside all the time.

    In any case, back during the beginning of Sophomore year of high school, I dated a certain Lilly (as some will remember). That was...an interesting experience, in a multitude of ways.

    It was one of those moments (that continue to just confuse me) where I meet a girl, and she immediately pursues me after the first few seconds with absolute abandon. Actually, up until Allison, these instances had the accurate and logical result of the girl realizing she made a big mistake and getting the Hell out thereafter.

    In any case, for a short background update, I can tell Lilly is hitting on me. But I'm still trying to end getting into a relationship again with girlfriend number 3 (Rachel Bird) before getting into any other relationship. That and I was probably shy explains my non-reactions. However, eventually Lilly gets fed up and exclaims, "You realize I've been flirting with you, right?!" I tell her yes, and roughly try to explain my non-reaction. She, I think, misunderstands. Some kind of really amusing (in retrospect) petty fight results due to this. Eventually we both get back on the same page and decide to go out.

    Of course, the only warning I really get about this adventure I'm about to embark on is from a just budding friendship with Victoria Mendez in the form of a cryptic remark of, "I love Lilly, but that girl just doesn't think sometimes." (at least, to the best of my memory, I think that's she said).

    Well, Lilly's means of getting my attention to begin with may be telling of her means of communication back then - in other words, she'll have a distinct idea of what she wanted you to do and she'll hint at it plenty but she expects you to get it and just act on it. Of course, if you do the wrong thing, she wasn't entirely too pleased anyway.

    Those who know me can see the problem already. While I probably wasn't nearly as shy and hesitant then as I became, for a girl who seemed to want to move quickly and would have loved plenty just spending hours necking, I was not the right type by any sense.

    Granted, I'll be the first to admit, I was a rather awful boyfriend, as far as things go. Consistently hesitant and utterly new to this, it...was painfully awkward.

    The only good moment I can think of was a moment when (I believe) Val noticed her and realized that she had thrown a pencil down from the second floor near the band room and it had hit him on the first floor. After she apologized, he said, "Hug?" to which I responded, "Uh, no..." and pulled her in towards me. Otherwise, just painfully awkward moments of expectations and failure of those expectations.

    Alright, so I wasn't the most socially competent boyfriend ever. Just break up with me and it's over, right? No, not quite. First Lilly decides to make out with Max Vistitsky while dating me (something he still continues to apologize for, though I hardly hold any form of grudge towards him over it). Then, because this is the mindset Lilly thought in back then, she decides she wants to break up with me. But, of course, because Lilly has these expectations and is unwilling to simply state them, she opts for making the relationship as awful as possible in order to get me to break up with her. So, she ignores me when I'm there. Avoids me a few times. Spends a time going on about how hot some guys in a Manga are with Miriam while I'm sitting there. Maybe other stuff, but I can't remember.

    Well, because I can be stubborn at times, I decide I'm not going to break up with her because, if she wants wants it so badly, she ought to be the one to do it. After about a week, she finally does it (the cliché trappings of "You're a really great guy, but" and all).

    The amusing aspect was the Duxlers coming up to me before it actually happened (though at this point I knew it was coming) and going, "We're really sorry Jon" only to realize afterwards they're a little early (this is why I love those two; heh, no, that wasn't even a bit of sarcasm). And then finding out that a week before this she had started dating some 19-year-old online who's in Australia.

    Significance of it all? Well, it pretty much laid the path of my "dating abilities" for the future. Basically, it set in place my complete hesitation when it would come to dating in the future, the worrying that would essentially make something as simple as taking a person's hand pretty much legitimately impossible, etc.

    Now, I do want to be clear, I'm not in any way saying that this is the Lilly now. The two of us don't exactly hold long-drawn conversations, etc. these days and it's obviously been a while since 4 years ago. However, I am stating things as they were then.

    In the grand scheme of things, it does have a relevance.