May 19, 2009

  • Honestly, I sometimes worry if I made a "culture" for myself of wasting out - when you're under depression, dealing with many things out of your control, and then have homework on top of all that, staying up late, uploading on sugar, etc. is a bit justified. And it's slightly therapeutic for the self, I would argue.

    However, when you actually bother to plan things out so you have enough time to do the work and really have little excuse as to not get the homework done on time, etc....that habit of slacking off, staying up, and all else kind of looses the credit it had.

    And yet, I had two or so days to work on a paper and I didn't bother to. The night before the day it's due (today at 5 PM) I spent with friends eating Twizzlers and brownies and watching The Blues Brothers and The Land Before Time. Now I'm putting together my draft with no sleep yet - and feel fantastic. Granted, that might be because I actually have a draft already that, if worse came to worse (I have 'til five, there's no way I'm not doing any editing to the thing, don't worry), I could just turn in without any editing. It could be that I can sleep in like all Hell after this paper is turned in because it's finals week. Or, for all I know, it could be a natural high I have from running on caffeine, sugar, and a lack of sleep.

    Yet I think part of it is just being within a medium I know well and understand - I have a visible deadline coming up and (technically) I still have plenty of time. I do best with a deadline and when I'm right up against it. Perhaps that's a product of that "culture" of burn-out.

    Maybe it's just great to be stretching myself out like this. Back to those depression discussions over being able to "feel" yourself.

    Or maybe the inability to keep concentration due to depression and the depression itself is excuse enough and I'm being too harsh on myself. I dunno, can't say.

    But I feel great. It's gonna be a good day. Wish you all the same.