March 8, 2009

  • It was a good day, up to the end where all visible lines smeared. "Why can't life be easy?" Free will and luck. Yet even I could say that's a pretty crap-ass answer. There is an afterlife, there is an afterlife, there is an afterlife.... (that's my brand of humor, btw)

    I had a ton I wanted to say in this entry and now I can't think of anything. Oh well.

    You know, I honestly think Tommy is very smart and incredibly insightful. But he makes so many rash and not smart decisions way too often. Gotta love the kid anyway, though.

    I was talking to this pretty cool today when I went to see my friend. We were discussing parenting (which was actually intensely amusing) and she mentioned that she wouldn't be ready because it means living for someone else and not just yourself, something she was not at all ready for yet. And I responded, "Well, yes, but aren't you already living for others?" And I already knew the distinction before saying it, though. It's your viewpoint on life - are you thinking about how you ought to be justly treated or are you thinking how you should justly act towards each person? I wouldn't be ready for a kid at this point - it's physically impossible to keep after the child when I'm struggling to take after myself at the moment.

    I attended Mass today because Father Caster will be gone tomorrow. And the times for St. Patrick's are far too early for me to even hope to wake up on time Sunday. It was really nice. I was watching the alter servers, because (having done it for God knows how many years and having had to often be the one to instruct the younger kids on how to do it (more than often my brother and sister)) I like to see how they do, whether they seem to be enjoying the job. It's honestly one of the only things I can really say my mother did right, making me join alter serving. I love it. It has something to do with the Catholic church as well but when you're walking down that aisle it just becomes you're in control. One of those few places where, yeah, there're probably a ton of eyes on me and yet I'm in my own place, just feeling in myself, "I'm home."

    You're lucky, Tommy. You know what you want, clearly - even know how to go about it, relatively.

    Dark weekends in the sun
         out on Chelsea rode
    Descending the stairs
         Ah, Frankie, my world
    Check your makeup in the mirror
         C'mon, babe, let's go
    We'll dance 'round this dirty town
         'til the night is all done

    Let all the finer things sleep alone tonight
    Let all the minor kings lose their thrones tonight
    Don't worry 'bout us baby,
         we'll be alright...
    -Bruce Springsteen

    I'll have to show you Gurnee sometimes. Gages Lake, the Woodland schools, Grays Lake - Hell, even Warren Township. Oh, and library. Geez, that library could be a bibliophile's dream (alright, maybe it's just satisfactory, but I'm nostalgic at the moment...).

    I don't exactly know why but it was always like even the most frequented of places had so much nature maintained. There're just fields next to that library. And the park, next to the youth center, was always fun to just bike ride out to. There's trails and trails of confusing and unknown neighborhoods to ride through. Occasionally you'd get to just a pile of dirt to ride all over from some construction. Or you'd just get to a nature preserve, tranquil and quiet. And the Gurnee mall, of course. Not nearly as utterly satisfying to trail around all day with a friend in as the mall in Evanston (I've gotta take you there someday as well. Northwestern, the park, just the neighborhoods...).

    I dunno. There was something about Gurnee that was just capturing. A peace that only nature could give you yet is unending in its empty parking lots and empty buildings. Just gotta see it.