November 13, 2008

  • Was an interesting day. I went downstairs to do laundry. After washing my two loads ($1.25 each), I went to dry them. I realized them I only had $1.25 left on my card. Thinking I had no more laundry money, I went up 5 floors to my room to check anyway. Once there, I found I had a 20. I go back down. I realize I don't have my card. Go up and down about 2 more times looking for it. Finally, found I dropped it in the drawer where I got the 20. Go back down, enter my final $1.25, head next door to Paresky. I find out both machines are out of order. I go to one of the offices, they tell me to try Sawyer (the library). I head there, look around a bit - nada. So I ask the librarian, she tells me try Hopkins. I try Hopkins, ask someone in the Registrar office, they tell me to try security. I go to security just to find out they're ordering new ones and I need to use quarters. Having little, I ask around for quarters, get two from Heather and finally do my laundry.

    And just when I think I can forget and put behind my back Prop. 8.

    Anyone remember when I posted the Supreme Court of California's decision on gay marriage? I made a huge deal out of it. Why? Second state to allow gay marriage (and now the dumbasses allowed Conn. to steal it from them), it was decided upon by conservative judges, and it played within the system. It was the system working as it should. The judicial branch decided that something was unconstitutional due to the fact that our government is based upon equal treatment of all. That's where it should have ended. This is why we're a Republic, not a Democracy. This is why these stupid innitiatives (and I mean all, not just those dealing with gay marriage or adoption) ought to not be. But, at the moment, our government does have these innitiatives and the decision was revoked.

    We lost.

    And I remember just feeling connected as a community. Just about everyone I talked to who was gay, bi, etc. remarked on it. I think someone said they just felt like they were stabbed. And there were more than enough allies, I noted, that were just as angered. We all - maybe because we're in a time when we can actually be out of the closet more, maybe because I'm more involved now, because I'm paying closer attention to gay events - seemed to mourn that day, in some way. We either said it wasn't over (maybe we just couldn't believe that it would be) or we just felt remourse.

    And I remembered thinking, how do we come back from this? Well, I can't judge how much it's being made known, but perhaps you've heard there are protests spurting up. Like mad. I said when Cali. got gay marriage, it was history. Now we're in the middle of something remnicent of the civil rights movements. But I worry. I worry because people have already begun to say, "They're never be satisfied. They have no regard for anything else and they won't be happy 'til they get what they want." We're whining, it seems. And our image is suffering.

    And then I'm reminded that, this isn't fair. When MLK, Jr. fought, it wasn't with what others were saying. He was questioning laws which were considered acceptable by the courts. He was saying they were wrong.

    And part of me wants us to yell. Give gay people these protests, at least, damn it - they lost the ability to formally consumate their love. Give them this, at least. And we aren't holding back. You can feel the anger, the frustration, and the refusal to say no that we all felt that night as those polls came it. It's mostly Morman churches that are being targeted, because the Morman church as an institution incouraged its members and poured tons of money in. So the signs read, "I didn't vote on your marriage", "You have three wives - can I have at least one husband?", "Your church is not my state", and "I'm a second class citizen". And it's not just Cali. It's Utah and New York and Mass. We are not pleased.

    And as some pointed out - where were these crowds for the amendment? When we needed to oppose Prop. 8, where were these people? And I've always wondered that, because gay people have a history of being complacent. They sit back and enjoy the little they carve out until it hits them upon the head that it's not enough - that they're settling for little, for less than equal. And the rest of us who actually want those rights a reality sit and wonder why. We get frustrated. And to be honest, I don't think the civil rights movement for us is over - it's just been dormant for a long while. But where are our leaders? Either dead or too old. We need new ones, and it seems fast, if I judge the times.

    But then someone put it so clearly and I finally got why this is. It needs to be changed, mind you (or we need good enough leaders to propel us forward), but I finally got why it was.

    Gay people generally aren't the placard-waving, bomb-throwing, chaps-wearing, communion-wafer-stomping radicals we're made out to be by the Bills O'Reilly and Donohue. Most gays and lesbians are content to be left to alone; many gays and lesbians go out of their way to ignore political threats and political activism and political activists. Only when gays and lesbians are attacked—only after the fact—do gays and lesbians take to the streets. Remember: the Stonewall Riots were are a response to a particularly brutal and cruelly-timed (we'd just buried Judy!) police raid on a gay bar in New York City; ACT-UP and Queer Nation were a response not to the AIDS virus, but to a murderous indifference on the parts of the political and medical establishment that amounted to an attack.

    Most gay people grow up desperately trying to pass, to blend in; most of us flee to cities where we can live our lives in relative peace and security. We don't go looking for fights. And most gay people walk around without realizing that they've internalized the dynamics of high school hells some of us barely survived: it's better to pass, to stay out of sight, to avoid making waves, lest you attract negative attention, lest you get bashed.

    But once you get bashed, once someone else throws the first punch, then you fight back—what other choice do you have?
    -Dan Savage of SLAG (http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2008/11/12/and_here_s_what_s_wrong_with_g)