I think this is the most happy and just giddy I've ever looked in a photo.

(And you can still copy and paste pictures, Laura; check that you weren't using a different browser than usual when you tried)

And, to be certain, I'm no angel in this whole thing.

I had meant to write something in regard to what happened with Allison for half a year now, but I've always had this habit of taking forever to get to things.

As I said once before, all too often, I find myself talking in terms of my ex-girlfriends because I think I've learned so much of them. Sometimes it's from my own fucking up.

I'm mostly doing this because, once again, there's not really ever been a full explanation of it. I remember shortly after we had broken up she happened to run into me when I was hanging with Vikki (and I want to say someone else, but I cannot remember) - which isn't surprising, considering me and Allison often spent a lot of time after school before.

Vikki and I were being our usual selves and oddly wrapped around each other or lying over the other one. So, naturally, when Vikki was off doing something else, Allison asked if Vikki and I were a couple. To which I, accordingly, felt ashamed because the poor girl was probably thinking I had left her to go to Vikki. This was not the case; Vikki and I have always just had no sense of private space. After telling Allison no, she (of course) asks why we had broken up. If I remember, she brought up some possible cause that, to me, should have never mattered in the grand scheme of things. More than anything, though, I remember how utterly vulnerable she looked.

For a girl with so much unfair crap to work through and who could put on a façade when she wanted to (or perhaps it was just instinctual at times), it always surprises me how easily she'll let people in or just throw down her defenses at you - almost to say, "Go ahead, do as you will. I'm in your hands now."

I remember standing there, uncomfortable, and just responding, "I don't know." Bullshit excuse, no? Hah, it always is, when you don't mean it.

And yet, roughly a year and a half later, that's still the only answer I have. I have no clue why something which, by any reasonable measuring, should have been markedly longer (for one) and more meaningful than it ended up having to settle for should have just burnt out so brutally and suddenly.

Maybe I should start a little bit more towards the beginning?

I can't remember how I met Allison exactly. Okay, let me take that back. I distinctly remember my first memory of Allison. She was a Freshman and standing next to a friend of hers in the hallway that many of the bandies swarmed after they were kicked out of in front of the band room, trying to shake her ass, and going, "____, look. Look." I can't remember the exact point she was trying to make (I think a reference to something; it was just a random dance of some sort). I just remember shaking my head and thinking, "Good God, Freshmen…."

At that time, I doubt I knew her name. I later ran into her and she said she thought we knew each other when she was trying to tell me why someone else I just barely had seen around and talked to 3 times at most was not at school that day. This actually makes more sense than it would seem. I'm the type to consider someone I just met a friend and, back in the day, would be certain to get their attention every time I saw them and say hello to them. It was a social mechanism I had picked up from Middle School, when I was a wall flower and getting acquaintances was good enough as far as I was concerned for human interaction.

The reason I'm "uncertain as to how I met Allison" is because after those moments, I don't know when barely seeing her and saying no more than 2 words to her turned into spending a ton of time with her. I just remember she was one of those who unexplainably just got a crush on me and then pursued me like all Hell.

She usually had to spend time after school for some type of job. I was usually after school because I could then use the computers there for hours on end with no interruption and seeing friends over my parents at home was always more worthwhile. My next memories of her are staying after school. Its this time I remember her interested in trying to date me. I don't exactly remember how she made this known, however. I do remember it wasn't direct, like a blunt statement of it.

However, Laura and I had just broken up for the first time. And there was no way in Hell anyone was getting to me after that one, no matter how hard they tried. And tried Allison did. While only one person possibly came upon my radar during those 4 months of being single (*cough*Kari*cough*), Allison did make it clear she was interested in me. And I, of course, was hesitant. It finally came to a head after school one night when I was heading out to get picked up by my dad.

Allison is standing there with me (as I remember it) with herself wrapped around me. I'm kinda not really reacting in hopes that she'll get the idea. She says something which I can't seem to remember anymore. I ask, "So, where do we go from here?" She pauses, then looks at me and kinda pats my shoulder, responding, "I'm gonna think about it." Then adds as a side thought, "Yes, I do think about things, Jon," as if I've bought into the rumors about her and assume this.

So, now I must actually give hard thought to this. So I mull it around for a good day…and finally decide that, no, I'm not really over Laura, so forget it, I'm just going to have to tell Allison I'm not interested.

Well, next time I see her, she's dating Steve Chevalia. Well, admittedly, I found her needing to think about something she had been pursuing quite intently for a while now uncharacteristic of her and something she made up to have an excuse to drop the previous. Steve seems to confirm this. "Great, another Lilly," I think to myself. Well, fine, I'm not really bothered, considering I didn't want it to go anywhere and I was kinda being obnoxious beforehand by not really giving a response and so I find it to basically be fair. Whatever was actually going on during those odd times then (because it paints us both in a semi-poor light and I hardly consider my memory to be able to accurately portray her), I chalk it up to being young on both our sides.

Anyway, fast forward, Laura and I date for 2 months and break up. I can't remember during the spans of when Allison and I first started kinda getting involved to when we finally went out what the order or things we did together were. So just assume that the following events happened at some point during this entire time. I hate that I can't remember, because it deprives us of the perspective of time and my own opinions and thoughts during the moments. But oh well. During this time spans, we had a habit of going to the practice rooms. Despite the reputation these had gotten by now, all we did was talk. I'd often play some variation of a minor cord for her, since she enjoyed that. She was always emotionally upset during these times. It was mostly melancholy. And she just shed so much for me during these times, letting me in and know things that, with anyone else, I would expect a much longer time to get there. Naturally, for the sake of her own privacy, none of what happened there gets repeated. But we did get closer during that time. At some point a little later, we started talking over FB messages. She was often grounded, though her iPhone wasn't taken away, so we were able to talk through that. I'm going to have to assume that this was after Laura and I broke up.

So. Now we finally get to about the time when the two of us go out. I (think I) am over Laura and Allison is a multilayered and interesting person. Sure, she'd require work, as far as a relationship works, because she's not simplistic but shouldn't I do something because it's worth it, not because it's easy? And it shouldn't be thought I just jumped into this. I talked to one of her exes about it and really started thinking critically about the idea.

Finally, I decide, yeah, let's do it.

And, again, by any reasonable measuring, this should have been a fine relationship. Allison is right down my alley as far as people I'd be interested in. She's smart, thinks outside of the box, quirky in her own ways, deceptively average, kinda clingy and definitely passionate, willing to question things, etc. etc. Oh, and she had a love for music. Um, yes please.

And, more than anything, she was in certain ways still developing. Which makes sense, considering she was a Sophomore in high school at the time. But it's significant because I always seem drawn to those who are independent enough to stand on their own and can actually teach me (I always need people who are willing enough to push me or make the first move - but, still need me in some way and end up not being overbearing). But they're still learning, they're still figuring shit out. They still need me. It's a difficult balance to find, let me assure you.

So, the first three days? Downright fantastic. The first day alone was perfect. I'm happier than I've been in a while.

It all was actually kinda weird. I remember the first day of us going out, everyone I saw was all, "You're going out with Allison!!!1!1!ONEONE". The second half of the day I saw all the friends who where, "You're going out with Allison…? Ew…" Admittedly, she had a reputation, though I didn't care. Some of the things said was that she was stupid (which is the dumbest thing you could possibly ever say about her), that she was a slut, or just some really stupid shit (she's obnoxious, whine whine whine). Part of what just made her astounding was what was said about her, how much of that was in any sense true, and then how she responded to it all. I'm partially saying empty phrases, for you had to have known her to understand what I'm getting at, but the way that she handled herself, and when taken in consideration with what was said about her, was just powerful. Now, I'm talking from a somewhat keyhole view. While I did get to know her in a quicker amount of time than would have happened with most other people, it certainly wasn't everything and my view may be skewed. But she had one Hell of a personality and personage.

And then…something happened. And I italicize happened because that's just it. The emphasis isn't on some outside thing - because I don't know what changed. It's the fact that it occurred, not what caused it. Because, as I said at the start of this – I don't know.

And it irritates me to this day. Let's go over it.

Well, maybe it would have been wise not to start dating Allison 2 weeks after breaking up with Laura for the second time?
     True, however, I didn't even realize that until Laura mentioned it. In fact, I hadn't paid any attention to the amount of time that passed at all (which is why I take special care to check how much time passes after a break up these days; it still surprises me how quickly I think time has passed after those, though it actually hasn't). And, going off of that still, you could argue I rushed it without thinking about it but I didn't. I talked to one of her exes, I thought about it. It wasn't a rash decision. I rarely make those, I'm so damn hesitant all the time.

Okay then, maybe instead of making out all the time with her, you should have spent more time focusing on her.
     Once again, a good point - but I didn't think of that then. It's true, I'm far more turned on by personality than anything else. But I didn't realize that most of our time spent together didn't really focus on who we were and more on the usual mores of dating (holding hands, cuddling, making out - lots of making out). It's something to learn and something I should have done, but not something I intentionally avoided.

And, of course, why did I choose to not break it off as soon as I realized something was wrong but chose not to drag it out even longer then? Two weeks is a pretty short amount of time to date anyone, in any circumstance. Not to mention that most of Allison's previous relationships were only 2 weeks as well.
     To be honest, I didn't break it off after 3 days because that felt absolutely insulting. And like I was just giving up. I thought it was bad enough I wanted to break up with her, why would I add the insult of only 3 days of time? Okay, then, since I seemed so dearly concerned with not insulting her by a short break up, why 2 weeks? That's still short. Well, my own experience with break up, really. I've been in the situation where you're in a relationship that you actually care about. You want it to work, damn it. But the other person doesn't quite feel the same way. And either they just don't care about putting effort into the relationship or they don't want it to continue but don't want to break up with you because they're afraid of the consequences. But of course, you don't know this when you're going out with them. You usually have a hunch, but you know everything for certain after the break up. So you get dragged along with all the emotions and feelings that go along with that experience until the break up finally happens. Now, if you're in the position of wanting to break up, you usually realize this about a month in at the shortest. Alright, now you know - break up with them and don't drag them along. It becomes a bit more complicated when you've only dated them for 3 days. Maybe I should have done something else. Maybe I shouldn't've waited. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have just let her know what was going on. But, while I was already completely confused by a situation that I didn't understand and simultaneously worried about how it would effect her, I made the choice I did with the best judgement I could muster.

And I'll never forget the look on her face when I finally did it. I was uncomfortable all over, of course. And so, as I saw her that morning, I pulled her to the side and said, "I have to talk with you." In this almost comic fashion, she responds in an overly played up, "Oh? Are you going to break my heart?" And this should sound almost childish, right? But no. The sugarcoated cheerfulness of it, the sound of it almost ringing of that "innocent" femininity that's been fetishized to such an extreme makes it all the more mocking, in its own way. Like, "Really? You're going to do this to me?" Of course, I respond yes. I don't remember if we said anything after that. All I remember is after she says she'll see me later, she turns - and at that moment slips up. After acting happy this entire time, her facial expression is bitter, it's angry; it's restrained. It was just a second. Just a glance as she was turning away and her face said everything. And all I could think to myself was, "Scumbag…"

So I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't know why it didn't work. Fittingly, I kinda got it all kicked into my face afterwards. During the summer, me and her kept up communication. I can't remember if we did during the time between break up and the summer, but I know we definitely conversed during the summer. And like Hell we did.

I was just discovering the amazing-ness of sleeping in, which resulted in me not being capable of falling asleep until 5 in the morning. Allison did not aid this by talking to me. So we just talked, for hours on end, for a full month (like, everyday). About everything. And I will probably never have anything like this again. It was normal conversations to questioning why we do things and why people think what they do. From the concrete to the abstract. Absolutely fantastic.

Heh, and, basically, it was like, "Oh, this is what I gave up…?" Again, fitting, appropriate, and just. Sometimes life actually fits those descriptions.

I suppose what irritates me more than anything is - she trusted me. She let me in, she put trust in me. You know, I wasn't just some new boyfriend or something, I was one in a long line of boyfriends. I should have been different. Instead, I ended up just being like some of the others. Which is pathetic and so much less than what she deserved.

Despite only dating her for 2 weeks, I rank Allison easily among those exes of mine which have actually left some discernible mark of change on me. Fact is, I'm learning that I easily get bored with people (I mean in general, not in terms of dating). It's not that typically they're stunted (at least, not those I know; the main populace, that's debatable). It's just that so often they're willing to settle, to just be like everything else or just accept what they're told. They're interesting enough people, capable of commanding logic and reason in an acceptable enough fashion. But they don't bother to go beyond. They're content to just settle.

I can't say Allison is one of the few people I respect. Because there's a lot of people I respect, for various reasons. But with Allison (with the girl I knew then, at minimum, if this is not true now, though I'd be surprised if it wasn't), I continue to be amazed by just, fundamentally, who she is. I don't know if I could properly communicate this concept to you.

But again, I repeat, she deserved far more than she received from me. Any person has a right to better treatment than that, I think.

I honestly hate my damn internet sometimes. Stupid thing crapped out and my aim signed off on me. It didn't sign back on and, of course, I didn't notice until 12:30 in the morning and, naturally, you've already gone to bed, Laura. Ay.

Alright, time for a post I had wanted to write for a while now and never got around to.

The largest motivator for it is the (continual) sentiments of rap being crap and that there is no (stunning) artistic quality to the genre. While this largely has to do with the mass public's ignorance towards knowing how to analyze rap (much like literary analysis is something which has to be taught, to some extent), I'm not going to address that here. The songs focused on here are what're usually referred to as "storytelling songs", meaning that they specifically focus on some form of story with a plot and describe the events in detail. I'm focusing on these because, by virtue of what they are attempting to do, they denote talent, and it doesn't take much for the lay-listener to understand and appreciate the song.

I wish I had more, but all I've been able to scrounge up are 8 songs. They come from my own childhood and tastes (hence why half of them happen to be Eminem). Anyway, enough of me blathering.

"My Fault" by Eminem off of The Slim Shady LP
Definitely one of my favorite songs, possibly ever. While Em happens to completely ruin the poignancy of the song with the skit that prefaces it on the album, taken on its own, it's a flawless song.

In short, the song basically surmounts to Eminem going to a party and meeting an ex-heroin addict who confides to him she's thinking about going back into using. Not really concerned, Em offers that she tries 'shrooms instead. Never having had psychedelic mushrooms before, the poor girl (Susan) ends up downing 24. During the course of Susan "tripping" completely over herself, she starts to reveal aspects about herself which she probably never intended to share with anyone at the party (at one point she admits, "I'm 26 years old and I'm not married/I don't even have any kids and I can't cook"). Towards the end, Em flips out and runs to get the friend who gave him the 'shrooms from the bathroom, exclaiming, "Dave! Pull up your pants!/We need an ambulance/There's a girl upstairs talking to plants/Chopping her hair off". The unfortunate end to this song is we just hear Em sobbing and choking out, between tears, "Susan, wake up! Please wake up. You're not dead.... You're not dead! Oh God..."

Admittedly, not the most cheerful of songs. What makes it interesting (and more than simply a possible Don't Do Drugs advertisement) is the growth of the main character. At the beginning, he clears cares very little for Susan at all and even crassly jokes that she only came, "to get laid and tied up/With first aid tape and raped on the first date". He's not a likable character (nor do I think he's supposed to be). So by the time he offers Susan the 'shrooms, we're mostly just groaning in our heads.

By the time we get to Susan divulging things about her past, the character looks more bothered by what he has to deal with than actually concerned about Susan's well-being. We do find out that Susan was abused by her father as a child ("Susan, stop cryin'; I don't hate ya/The world's not against you; I'm sorry your father raped ya/So what you had your little coochie in your dad's mouth?/That ain't no reason to start wiggin' and spaz out!"), which only makes his previous joke about raping her all the more distasteful.

This time in the chorus, the character has gone from apathy towards trying to avoid blame. After the first line he cries, "Whoops!" and then at the end, "It was an accident!"

In the third verse, we have a curious situation where the character is actually referred to by Susan as "Dad". After telling her to be careful, she tells "Dad" to leave her alone and that she's sick of getting her hair pulled, to which he responds, "I'm not your dad". When he's finally done to find the person who gave him the 'shrooms and explains the situation, they respond, "She's gonna die, dude," and he screams, "I know, and it's my fault! My God..."

When we've finally reached the end and he's crying, he's made a complete change in character. It took a tremendous loss, yet the results of his apathy are enough to (probably) make him now repulsed by that apathy.

Like I said, not the most cheerful, yet incredibly well done of a song. And I didn't even touch on the rhyme quality nor the skill of his delivery and voice acting.

"Think I'm Crazy" by Chamillionaire feat. Natalie off of The Sound of Revenge
Wow, I just realized how depressing all of these songs are. Well, you've been warned.

This is another one of my favorites. In part, because it has a more upbeat, computerized sounding beat, it sounds a little more like the commercialized rap that most who've grown up in this past decade are used to. The difference is the content of the song doesn't suck royally.

The entire song focuses around Chamillionaire meeting a girl at this bar. After greeting and exchanging names, they order drinks and start talking. As the conversation goes on, the girl starts to reveal personal information about herself, possibly dealing with a crime she may have committed. As to what any of that is, I'll let you listen to the track for it.

Ironically, for a rapper who hails from the South (and heartily reps it), Cham comes off here (and in other songs, on occasion) sounding more like he was influenced by the Midwest with his fast, muti-rhyme-per-line, clear pronunciation. Packing more lyrics than the average rap listener is used to sifting through, this is a song that manages to tell a story while maintaining intense lyrical quality (rhyme-wise) and enough detail to vividly paint what's happening.

I admit, still, I don't get the ending of the song. Well, I have a theory, but I could totally be off. So I wish you luck with that. It's a song that'll make you think, for sure.

"Stan" by Eminem feat. Dido off of The Marshall Mathers LP
Alright, if you bother to listen to rap, even only on a mainstream level, you've probably heard this song. If not, then you've probably heard the song it samples, "Thank You" by Dido.

The biggest stand out of (and thing that carries this) song is just the amount of talent clearly put into it (and having a nice sounding sample also helps). I particularly love that Em makes enough distinction in his voice that "Stan" and himself sound different during the course of the song. Unlike "My Fault", the plot lacks the complexity. Simply, Em has a fan (named Stan) who writes to him with a level of passion that is obsession. Stan eventually goes so off the edge from Eminem not responding to his letters that he drives off of a bridge with his wife locked in the trunk (stating, "See, I ain't like you/Because if she suffocates, she'll suffer more/And then die too"). The final verse is Em finally responding to Stan's letter (he had simply been incredibly busy), only to realize at the end that he had seen the news report on the car drawn from the river (Stan) a few days ago.

Really, it's just nice to listen to due to the amount of craft it took to make. Plus you have to give credit to a song which was used during the Nas/Jay-Z beef. But it's not quite like the previous two, I think.

"Somebody's Gotta Die" by The Notorious B. I. G. off of Life After Death
Wow, I've got depressing taste (no surprise for those that know me, I'm sure). Another one of my favorites, in part because of it's gritty, 90s type beat. Took a little while for me to get used to, but it's rather calming (which contrasts perfectly with the subject matter).

Nas really captured what the title of this song zeros in on in his own song "Affirmative Action" (It's sickenin', he just finished biddin' upstate/And now the projects is talking that somebody gotta die shit/It's logic - as long as it's nobody that's in my clique). The song starts with Biggie sitting in his apartment, daydreaming. This is interrupted by a knocking on the door. As he checks it, he finds out one of his men have been shot. As B. I. G. puts in, "I open up the door - pitiful/Is he in critical?/Retaliation for this one won't be minimal". The song goes from there.

Exceeding the level of detail that Chamillionaire employed, Biggie manages to drag entire rhyme schemes on (and on) while not being vague at all about what's happening. This is easily demonstrated within the first verse (I'm interrupted by a doorbell/3:52 - who the hell/Is this?/I gets up quick, cocks my shit/Stop the dogs from barking/Then proceed to walking/It's a face that I seen before/My nigga Sing, we used to sling on the 16th floor/Check it/I look deeper/I see blood up on his sneakers/And his fist gripped a chrome four-fifth).

Unfortunately, I can't tell you anymore about this one without ruining it for you. If you trust my word, try it out. It's fantastic. If you don't...keep reading, I guess.

*Spoilers* (highlight the text)
Basically, most of the song is as I've described it. It's the ending that's the real clincher. I can't help but feel the song is some form of message. Of course, Biggie seems to destroy this idea with most of the entirety of the rest of the album. Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to interpret The Notorious B. I. G. yet. Either way, towards the end we continue to hear Biggie's thoughts. As they get ready to carry out the hit, he reflects, ""Slow down/Fuck all that planning shit/Run up in they cribs/And make 'em catch the man 'n' shit/See, niggas like you do ten year bids/Miss the niggas they want/And murder innocent kids/Not I/One nigga's in my eye/That's Jason/Ain't no slugs gonna be wasted/Revenge I'm tasting at the tip of my lips/I can't wait to feel my clip in his hips/Pass the chocolate/Thai/Sing ain't lie/There's Jason with his back to me/Talking to his faculty/I start to get a funny feeling/Put the mask on in case his niggas start squealing/Scream his name out/Squeeze six knuckles shorter/Nigga turned around holding his daughter". As the song fades out, we hear everyone who was involved scream at each other to scatter as the rain falls around them. And through all of it is the cries of the baby, up until the last few seconds of the song. Depressing, yes. But incredibly powerful and, for the most part, unexpected.

"Kim" by Eminem off of The Marshall Mathers LP
Okay, I'll admit - this one is in no way, shape, or form for everyone. It's my extremist nature indulging itself.

If you're not familiar with Eminem at all, Kim is the name of Mr. Mathers' ex-wife - and their issues and frustrations are rife, especially during this time. If I'm not mistaken, Em finds out his (then) wife cheated on him. Like most people, he was probably incredibly angry; he may have wanted to hurt her, possibly kill her. Like most people, he didn't kill wife, even if he had wanted to. Unlike most people, he chose to write a (very graffic) song about the feelings he was experiencing and going through (killing his wife).

Like I said, it's not for everyone - but it has its merits, I will always argue.

For a song which is for the most part simply a screaming tirade about his wife's unfaithfulness, it comes through the most clear when he almost confusingly exclaims, "I hate you! I hate you! My God, I hate you! Oh my God, I loved you.... How the fuck could you do this to me? How the fuck could you do this to me?!?" Granted, one might argue, that such a sentiment could have been reached simply in that line alone while the ere mentioned rant and list of grievances serve as fluff for a song ranking at 6 minutes and 18 seconds.

On the other hand, you might note that the premeditated "murder" of this woman is crucial to understanding just how deeply emotionally the character is strung and that cannot be realized unless so vivid in arbitrary detail the event is described before the final death.

Then again, you could always point to that as a reason Em should visit anger management before someone actually gets hurt.

Really, the reason this song sticks out so much is there aren't many like it. And the reason it doesn't get lost in the pile of other violent and graphic music out there is because this isn't senseless or, even, pointless and mindless violence and hate. And we can't forget that, to some extent, through out the track. For as the chorus kicks in and the smooth singing about (albeit in a very bizarre way) the way the main character loves this woman who has caused him so much harm contrasts the hoarse yelling of the emotional maniac, it seems the sanity lies in that basic fact about the whole awful ordeal - and while it shouldn't justify anything he proceeds to do, comically, ironically, and oddly enough our humanity (of all things) empathizes with him.

"Brenda's Got a Baby" by 2Pac off of 2Pacalypse Now
Here's one that near to every has heard before or heard of. Much like "Stan", it has a lot of cultural importance (except this time for black youth in the ghettos of the 90s dealing with the crack epidemic as well as Hip Hop). It's kinda one that you just ought to know of.

Now, that being said, ironically I think this one is incredibly weak lyrically (no wordplay and simple at-the-end-of every-line-only rhyme). It's saving grace is the story it tells. And it brings up some fantastic points that sting emotionally when you hear them.

Quick run-down: Brenda is lured into having sex at a ridiculously young age for the sake of comfort. As a result, she gets pregnant. The boyfriend, only interested in sex to begin with, leaves immediately. The family for the most part ignores Brenda all the time, so she immediately tries to hide the pregnancy (She tried to hide her pregnancy/From her family/Who didn't really care to see/Or give a damn if she/Went out and had a church of kids/As long as when the check came they got first dibs).

Ignored by the family, she ends up having the baby on the bathroom floor. Subsequently, the parents get angry because a social worker keeps coming around after the whole affair and they're losing money. So, Brenda decides to leave. She tries to sell drugs but gets robbed. So, she goes into prostitution. "So she sees sex as a way of leaving Hell/It's payin' her rent, so she really can't complain/Prostitute found slain/And Brenda's her name - she's got a baby".

This is definitely one of the songs on here with a less sadistic main character, so hopefully that helps a bit.

"Murder Murder" by Eminem off of The Slim Shady EP
Great title, no? This actually is far removed from the concept of "Kim".

If you didn't know, Eminem's first album was the majoridly positive (particularly in comparison to his later works) Infinite. After it being a commercial failure and critics saying his flow sounded like he was imitating Nas and AZ, he ditched trying to make an album based around what others wanted to hear and came up with his alter ego persona, Slim Shady. As you can probably guess, The Slim Shady EP (a precursor to The Slim Shady LP) is the beginning of Eminem's more foul material.

In light of all of that I just said, "Murder Murder" would've fit rather nicely in the gangsta rap genre that has (admittedly, sometimes obnoxiously) dominated the rap genre for so many years (at least during the 90s, at the very least in the underground rap world). This isn't to say that this song is entirely about guns, bitches, and money. Rather, it's more in line with Slick Rick's "A Children's Story".

In short, the track is about the main character's attempt at armed robbery that goes wrong at first and just gets worse and worse. Now, that I have admitted that this song would have fit within the gangsta rap genre is slightly ironic, particularly if you know the background of Marshall Mathers. Looking back, him saying, "Left the keys in the van with a gat in each hand/Went up in Eastland and shot a police man/Fuck a peace plan; if a citizen bystands/This shit is in my hands," is kinda comical. But rap has never really been all that much about being truthful (despite whatever they may brag and boast) - it's about telling a story and making the listener believe it. The more intelligent rappers just happen to tell a worthwhile story. Believe me, this is one of them.

While, for the most part, removed from the type of material Eminem would later release as his staple, this song does a pretty decent job of getting behind the mindset of the armed robber and his motivation.

This song has some really just fantastic lines which really bring the point across. "Here's your lifespan/And for what your life's worth? This money is twice that/Grab a couple grand and lay up in iceland/See, I'm a nice man, but money turned me to Satan/I'm thirsty for this green so bad I'm dehydrating/[...]But I ain't set to flee the scene of the crime just yet/'Cause I got a daughter to feed/And 300 dollars ain't enough to water the seed".

Honestly, I've already revealed the entirety of the song. Just go and listen to it. The only other thing worth mentioning (plot-wise) is the ending. While he boarders between being comical and serious throughout the entire song, this sets up a feeling that while the entire thing feels unrealistic, there is a level of dark satire, sarcasm, and seriousness to the entire thing (strengthened by the hook - but I'll get to that). This is perfectly capped off at the end when he finally gets stopped and arrested. As he surrenders, he exclaims, "It wasn't me!/It was the gangsta rap and the peppermint schnapps!"

Finally, what I really love about this song is that it screams 90s rap. From the beat, to the scratching, to the sampling. And it's utterly fantastic. The hook is utterly perfect. It first samples 2Pac from (probably) "Outlawz" ("All I see is murder, murder - my mind state) and then Swifty from a track off the EP called "No One's Iller" ("Makes it too late for cops in trying to stop the crime rate"). The 2Pac sample is repeated with then (I'm afraid I don't know the origin of the sample) an, almost, mindless shouting of, "Murder Murder! And kill, kill, kill!"

The song isn't subtle - and yet does a fantastic, artistic job of conveying its message. I love it.

"Meet the Parents" by Jay-Z off of The Blueprint²: The Curse
I just heard this one today and, at first, I wasn't going to post it. Jay tends to write with a (very thick) vagueness which is unsuitable for the type of storytelling I was trying to get at with these songs. Not that it doesn't work for him. He usually has so much damn word play and beautifully subtle double meanings that it more than makes up for the lack of utterly specific details. A fantastic song which falls under this is "D'evils" and, were it story telling as I'm talking about here, I would totally include it. I take back what I said in my review of Reasonable Doubt, that song tramples far beyond your normal expectation for a song.

However, I'm not talking about that one here. I won't say much about this, because it kinda gives away the plot. And, relooking over it, I think there may be deeper metaphores (even if simplistic) that are lurking right under the surface. This is largely based on the last line. Anyway, you listen to it, tell me your thoughts. I dunno what to make of it yet.

And on a final note, I need a few rappers to do a track. I doubt anyone out there writes? I'm not sure where I'm gonna find anyone to collaborate with. Ay.

Hope you're all doing well.

Thanks Escapist.

This one reminded me of you, Erin:

Thoreau would've been proud:

And yet it's so difficult to properly articulate you in any reasonable way. You're amazing like that.

I feel like I should give you all an update of some sort, but I have none. Nothing entirely interesting, at least. Yet there's been stuff happening the past few days. I'm mostly stuck between stuff. I need to tie up loose projects.

Went to the dentist today. This was followed by an unexpected trip to Evanston Park and the beach by Northwestern. It was quite enjoyable. This train of thought may converge into another post, btw, later.

Not much really to say. Other than the heat for a few points, the weather was fantastic (shifting from gray, overcast to sunny depending on the time of day). I think I'd go crazy without anything other than Illinois weather. We're just so temperate all the time. Though when we do want to go extreme - watch out; the weather then goes all out (Chicago winters FTW!).

Yeah....

Time to tag on random song again. I've just had this stuck in my head the past couple days. It's astounding.

[edit] I just rememered something I had thought of earlier today. I could've saved it for later, but I suppose it fits here. I remember when I was younger, I never knew what the future would be like. I didn't really think that far ahead or I thought it'd be the same as things currently were - unstable and, for the most part, rather dismal. I lacked severe self-awareness when I was younger. I couldn't say it was really happy or sad, just that it was more depressing most of the time. What I couldn't have fathamed was that I'd end up being somewhere I wanted to be and utterly sure of that. I don't know if things are ideal and, if they are, who can say they'll stay that way? But I'm happy. And I'm sure of who I am. And I have at least two people who would support me through life and death and Hell and all the way back. And, to be honest, I wasn't even aware that would one day be possible. GMH

Well, I had meant to work out different visual techniques in photoshop and, in pure Jon fashion, I waited until the day before and then stayed up all night working on it. The birds do sound very beautiful this morning, however. In any case, what I had wanted to accomplish this time around was creating something visually pleasing to the eyes along the lines of what you might find in pictures online that's different from the "realistic" alterations I usually do in photoshop. The hope was to practice and extend my own graffic design senses (if I have any to begin with) and to simply do something outside of my comfort zone.

The final product is strikingly reminiscent of the pieces I was looking at - however, most pictures with these aspects tend to have an appalling commonality. As usual, I was nitpicky about nearly every aspect (I have to wonder if I do just about anything with utter certainty and no doubt). Still not sure if there's anything I'm missing. But might just be me being overly analytical. Anyway, you guys can always tell me. Enough of me talking, here's the picture (click for the original size):

One month already (heh, for the third time now for us).

I finally decided to check out Jay-Z's performance at Glastonbury yesterday. It's pretty good. A few pop singles in there, but a good deal of them were rather good. He had some live instrumentation and when Public Service Announcement came on, you knew hip hop was there (that song is just great).

As I was reading through the comments, one person commented that (given the concert is held in England) it was just more "Americana", the same old sound over and over again. Which made me laugh like no other. Jay has one of the most distinctive sounds and flows in the entire game. Same old? If it weren't for Jay and a slew of other "Americana" rappers, rap wouldn't have the styles and techniques open to it today that it does. I mean, there's just certain things which you have to know if you even want to talk about rap. Biggie demonstrated how far flow could really go, Eminem and Big Pun essencially broke the rhyme scheme limit a thousand times over, and a good deal of rappers showed the literary capabilities of the genre. I mean, without American 90s rap, you don't have the progress in skills that have been demonstrated for others anymore. Not to say it's refined to that era or that there aren't talented artist showing capability in other countries. But, honestly, show some respect. You look ignorant when you're unaware of your past.

Well, seems my hope to see you soon Lizzie is going a little contrary to plan. Miss you though.

Alright, alright! Haha, clearly I was failing miserably at getting over you anyway...

I think it needs little explanation:

And a quick google search for "unicorn sex" yields an Urban Dictionary entry titled Operation: Unicorn-Sex. Definitions?

and

My other favorite search result was a page titled Are You Looking For a Unicorn? - a site dedicated to finding people to create poly groups. Not that I find polyamorous people funny, but that my search pulls up the page seems beyond random to me. Of course, my utter lack of knowledge about poly culture might explain that.

Still, my search didn't really make it any more clear what they do with those damn horns...