May 9, 2011
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"Wha– sorry. Could you say it again? I jus-I wasn't listening. …. I see. Well…heh, well, who's to say? I mean – I suppose I just don't understand denial.
"I mean, how do you stand before someone and just tell them that the effort that they're putting in isn't good enough? Yeah, I get there is a certain level of permormance that's expected for individual fields of requirement but – even in daily activities, it seems like we're constantly expecting. You know? I mean…am I making sense? Ummm, hmm…
Maybe, maybe it's simply because I'm coming from a perspective of depression that, for me, emotional pain was enough to count as evidence. Like, I'm howling in pain here, doesn't that count for something? And it's like others decidingly don't.
"I sometimes just wind up feeling like our society continually looks at things from their own perspective. Like -for example, take how we react to another's complaints. What's the usual response? You're being melodramatic, you're being over-the-top. You're being selfish, you're making a scene, even. Maybe I'm insane; I don't know. My first reaction is Dear God, what could possibly be bothering you? Even if it's small, it's like, they're not okay. Doesn't that mean anything?
It just becomes…sufficating, at times. Like every action isn't enough. Like I'm continually under this expectation to match every single internal and external action with the right response. Because when you respond incorrectly, that sends the wrong message. Which I'd hate to do. Because, genuinely, I would want to treat others the best that I could. But it gets tiring. Because it's not unreasonable! It's really basic, really. Remember a birthday, remember fucking Mother's Day, look happy to see someone when you say hello, go see the play your friend has been working on for God knows how long, attend the speech they have to give check in on them when they're sick keep in mind when they had an interview talk during the conversation respond make eye contactnodarcheyebrowsblinkbreathe
"I spent the entire last weekend in my room. Haha, yeah, the entire thing. I just…didn't see the point in leaving. It took much effort to get out the bed. And I was tired. So I tried to make sense of my computer screen for 36 hours. And it was…nice, because I didn't have to put any effort into anythin- no, I – I got lonely. I jus-
I just needed to breathe.
Comments (1)
exactly my thoughts :-/..especially this:
"Like -for example, take how we react to another's complaints. What's the usual response? You're being melodramatic, you're being over-the-top. You're being selfish, you're making a scene, even. Maybe I'm insane; I don't know. My first reaction is Dear God, what could possibly be bothering you? Even if it's small, it's like, they're not okay. Doesn't that mean anything?"
It is kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one thinking this way, but it also makes me sad....it's sad that people feel like all you sad above in general and it's somehow a proof that something is really wrong and I'm not just stupid..
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