February 22, 2009
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ACT TWO
19. Herculine Barbin
DIONYSOS appears to DEREK and stays throughout the scene.
DEREK is exercising with weights.
DEREK. (to audience). He thought he wasn't a man without
a job.HERCULINE BARBIN enters. She is played by a
woman but dressed in the clothes of a Frenchman
of the nineteenth century.While she talks she gives DEREK objects from her
past which she takes from a small suitcase.HERCULINE. Couldn't I have stayed with her? No one was
stopping us, I was the one who - and afterwards
it would even have been legal, she still loved me
then, I must have lost my mind for a while. Blame
her mother, (Gives a book.) refusing to notice,
have some apricot tart children, my daughter's
dearest friend, a daughter to me, goodbye dear
daughter, goodbye. Why didn't I keep a hold of
those hands? Blame yourself, kill yourself.Abel Barbin, suicide, they'll find the body of a
man in the morning, no one will doubt it. Was
I really Herculine Barbin, playing by the sea,
starting school at the convent, nobody doubted
I was a girl. Hermaphrodite, the doctors were
fascinated, how to define this body, does it
fascinate you, it doesn't fascinate me, let it die.Where are the girls I loved? They go on not
appearing every minute, sometimes it eases, often
what I am saying often it eases completely, oh it's
not like it was I can have a good - an eyelid, the
fall of a skirt, a startling tenderness at the next
table, and gone again, all my loves and Sara, Sara
and the air, you don't notice your breath till
something stops it.I had schools, I had nuns, I had girls I loved even
only a little, no, wholly each time but more and -
Lea, so old, seventeen, I was twelve, leaning on
me in the garden, I took her a pretty crucifix at
night, (Gives a rose.) Mother Superior made me
cry. Was I really a lady's maid, undressing
Clothilde, combing her hair, it was my job, she
got married, no one worried about my body, my
periods would come in time.Hair on my face and arms, cut it with scissors,
worse; I kissed Thecla on the mouth. Clever with
books, clumsy at sewing, lightning struck, leapt
out of bed naked into the nun's arms, feelings of
shame I didn't understand. Sinking in sand (Gives
scissors and a comb.) up to our knees, laughing,
three in a bed, they took off their skirts and tucked
up their petticoats, the water splashed high, I was
the only one who stayed on the beach.Where it led, to Sara, I wouldn't let her get dressed
without me, stroked her hair, kissed her neck, she
t my hand aside and gazed in amazement.
Mysterious pains, (Gives crucifix.) she took me
into her bed to comfort me, god, Sara was mine,
romantic words, Sara is mine, nobody knew, this
lasted a long time, the children watched, her hair
fell down. In the middle of class she would smile
at me.The pains, the doctor, I screamed, he could hardly
speak, but still he didn't stop us, her mother didn't,
nobody would admit, I did it myself in the
vacation, did I have to? The bishop, very kind, his
own doctor, yes I should be declared a man, (Gives
the lace shawl.) the documents. Sara's grief, have
some tart dear daughter, couldn't I have asked to
marry her, goodbye dear daughter, how to hold my
body as a man.Soon less jeering, job in the railroad, long time
with no job, sit in the cafés and see who loves
who, at least I'm not a man like the men I see.
(Gives the petticoat.) Maybe waiter's assistant on
ship to America, what to do, everyone thought it
must be something good to take me so far away.Into the unknown, like now, breathing in fumes,
soon dead, how to get back, all the girls' bodies,
Sara's body, my girl's body, all lost, couldn't you
have stayed?DEREK holds all the objects and has dressed
himself in the shawl and petticoat. He sits in the
chair and becomes HERCULINE,She stands beside him and takes the objects from
him and packs them into her suitcase.DEREK. Couldn't I have stayed with her? No one was
stopping us, I was the one who - and afterwards
it would even have been legal, she still loved me
then, I must have lost my mind for a while. Blame
her mother, refusing to notice, have some apricot
tart children, my daughter's dearest friend, a
daughter to me, goodbye dear daughter, goodbye.
Why didn't I keep a hold of those hands? Blame
yourself, kill yourself.Abel Barbin, suicide, they'll find the body of a
man in the morning, no one will doubt it. Was
I really Herculine Barbin, playing by the sea,
starting school at the convent, nobody doubted
I was a girl. Hermaphrodite, the doctors were
fascinated, how to define this body, does it
fascinate you, it doesn't fascinate me, let it die.HERCULINE. What's the matter? Be happy. You know I love
you.DEREK. Where are the girls I loved? They go on not
appearing every minute, sometimes it eases, often
what I am saying often it eases completely, oh it's
not like it was I can have a good - an eyelid, the
fall of aHERCULINE. Lea, I love you.
DEREK. skirt, a startling tenderness at the next table, and
gone again, (Takes away the rose.) all my loves
and Sara, Sara and the air, you don't notice your
breath till something stops it.I had schools, I had nuns, I had girls I loved even
only a little, no, wholly each time but more and -
Lea, so old, seventeen, I was twelve, leaning on
me in the garden, I took her a pretty crucifix at
night, Mother Superior made me cry. Was I really
a lady's maid, undressing Clothilde, combing her
hair, it was my job, she got married, no one
worried about my body, my periods would come
in time.HERCULINE. May you be happy later, poor child.
DEREK. Hair on my face and arms, cut it with scissors,
worse; (Takes the book.)HERCULINE. I'm sorry to hurt you, once more, nearly over.
DEREK. I kissed Thecla on the mouth. Clever with books,
clumsy at sewing, lightning struck, leapt out of
bed naked into the nun's arms, feelings of shame
I didn't understand. Sinking in sand up to our
knees, (Takes the scissors and comb.)HERCULINE. Modesty, morality and the respect you owe a
religious house.DEREK. laughing, three in a bed, they took off their skirts
and tucked up their petticoats, the water splashed
high, I was the only one who stayed on the beach.
Where it led, to Sara,HERCULINE. Herculine! come in the water.
DEREK. I wouldn't let her get dressed without me, stroked
her hair, kissed her neck, she t my hand aside
and gazed in amazement. Mysterious pains, she
took me into her bed to comfort me, god, Sara was
mine, romantic words, Sara is mine, (Takes the
crucifix.) nobody knew, this lasted a long time, the
children watched, her hair fell down. In the middle
of class she would smile at me.HERCULINE. I've made you an apricot tart.
DEREK. The pains, the doctor, I screamed, he could hardly
speak, but still he didn't stop us, her mother didn't,
nobody would admit, I did it myself in the
vacation, did I have to? The bishop, very kind, his
own doctor, yes I should be declared a man,the
documents. Sara's grief, have some tart dear
daughter, couldn't I have asked to marry her,
goodbye dear daughter, (Takes the lace shawl.)HERCULINE. Goodbye, dear daughter.
DEREK. how to hold my body as a man.
Soon less jeering, job in the railroad, long time
with no job, sit in the cafés and see who loves
who, at least I'm not a man like the men I see.
Maybe waiter's assistant on ship to America, what
to do, everyone thought it must be something good
to take me so far away.Into the unknown, like now, breathing in fumes,
soon dead, how to get back, all the girls' bodies,
(Takes the petticoat.) Sara's body, my girl's body,
all lost,HERCULINE starts to go.
DEREK. couldn't you have stayed?
HERCULINE turns back and kisses him on the
neck.
When I saw this, I couldn't help but to save it. I had planned on posting it, but you beat me to it, Lizzie.It's so...fitting, in what it accomplishes. The feelings it hits nail Catcher In the Rye perfectly.
Because, the thing was, we should never have wanted to be like Holden.
We were Holden.
The book has no answers. Have you ever read one of Salinger's short stories? There's no happy ending.
It's us - all the angst from being emotionally unstable, in a world we want so badly to be perfect yet can never seem to be that way, yearning for a reality that is not our own. And no one having a shitting clue about those thoughts that go through our head.
We sit there wishing for that emotional break down, we want them dearly. Because, that's all we've really got to feeling alive. Everything just feels real at that point. And maybe's its those few moments when we just know what we're feeling and what we want (whether a full-blown breakdown or just a daily emotion) - that's all we need.
I don't think anyone wants to stay at that place (nor do I necessarily think that's where we're condemned). But we never wanted to be Holden. He just spoke for us so eloquently.
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